9 Elderly And At-Risk Couples Share With Me How The Lockdown Has Affected Their Daily Lives

It was never intentional or planned, but, truth be told, I have always orbited around people much older than I am.

Grandmother was my first best friend, and perhaps that is where the feeling of being more comfortable and have more in common with those within the 3rd age comes from.

Regardless of the roots that brought me here, the fact is that most of my good friends are old enough to be my grandparents. So when Covid-19 arrived in this country, the concern was more than generalized; for me, it was personal!

Having so many friends within the highest group of risk made me wonder and worry about what the future would hold for those I learned to love and care for as if they were part of my own family.

Luckily, age generally comes accompanied by wisdom, and the majority of those I had been concerned about quickly adapted to the unprecedented reality.

This photo essay is the result of a 72-hour project in which 9 couples participated who are over their 60s and within the group of highest risk. They reported through images and their own words, how Covid-19 has affected their daily lives, and how they have adapted to the pandemic.

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“I am no longer able to be with and to hug, in-town grandchildren, or their parents! That is the hardest. The newest grandchild, who recently arrived from out of the country, just turned one year old and has been in PDX now for a little more than a month. Dave and I have not had physical contact with her or her parents. I’m hoping that with good testing, this might change.

I’m sad not to be with the kids who are here in PDX, but also not being able to be helpful for their parents who continue to work.

I am unable to work at the Friends of the Oak Lodge Library bookstore or be in any way involved with the board since the Library is closed. The board has started to have Zoom Meetings, but there we are entirely on hold.

No personal social gatherings, but all of those have converted to Zoom meetings, which have worked out rather well. Even with friends who are not local or who I have not seen in some cases in years. That has been nice.

I can’t go to the gym five days a week - this is a big deal. But I have enjoyed walking in the neighborhood with neighbors - all masked and 6-10 feet apart.

I could not walk the neighborhood to distribute Democratic Party voting literature - had to write letters and put a stamp on the thing and mail them. That was rather fun.

Having to clean our house (not very regularly).

The positive side:

First, more bird songs—really! Second, I got to see clearer skies—I can usually see Mt Hood these days unless very overcast or raining. And finally, I have enjoyed spending more time in the garden."

"Our routine is pretty different these days. We used to get up early and go to the gym; that's closed, so we're sleeping a little later. One thing that surprised me was the fact that I am much busier during all of this—communications are ramped up when you're trying to educate people about new policies and procedures, so it's pretty non-stop for me. David, on the other hand, has seen his workflow slow down; he is taking Fridays off, at the moment, although "taking the day off" means he gets to paint or read a book while he watches me work.

Days tend to have a sameness to them—it's hard to remember what day it is, and weekends don't provide that much difference in our routine since everything takes place within these same four walls. We miss our friends. We miss the restaurants. We miss shopping, even if we don't need anything. The social act of being out and among people is something we didn't realize we craved as much as we desire it now since it's forbidden.

We are trying to support our favorite local restaurants by ordering take-out, but only once or twice a week—which is vastly different from pre-pandemic life. David stays at home much more than I do—I'm the designated guy to go pick up food, grocery shop, make a run to Costco. When the sun shines, we put on our masks and gloves and take long walks, careful to stay away from other people, but that's the extent of our contact with the outside world.

Early on, our gym allowed us to check out exercise equipment. By the time I got there to pick things out, the items were pretty picked over. I got a band, a med ball, and a 35# plate; David and I take turns programming 10-15 minutes of vigorous exercise, just to keep us moving. We also ordered a system that hangs over the door that we can use to do ring rows—that helps. We didn't realize how much we moved around when we were at our offices—at work, I have a standing desk, and I'm always walking from one place to another to attend a meeting. David used to walk to work every day. At home, we sit. The fear of weight gain is always with us.

A dear friend made us face masks, and we wear them any time we walk out the door. They are beautiful and comfortable; they are also washable. We placed an Amazon order for 1,000 vinyl gloves, which, now that they are here, look like a whole lot more than we will ever use, but hey - they were cheap, and we got them in two days. We have hand sanitizer in our pockets, and a pack of Clorox wipes in the car; I wipe off the steering wheel every time I get in.

We do a Zoom cocktail hour with our friends Betty and Ed every Wednesday evening; we Zoom with our kids (including our 4-month old grandson) every Sunday morning and with David's brothers every Sunday evening. We've gotten good at the Zoom thing, and in some ways, it feels like we're more connected than we were before because we get to see each other. It almost feels like we're in the same room, even though our kids are scattered all across the country. We've watched our grandson learn to laugh; we've met our youngest daughter's new boyfriend on Zoom. We used to talk about things we had done—shows or movies we'd seen, restaurants we'd tried, hikes or dinner parties. Now we talk about recipes and binge-watching television.

I miss hugging people. I have a feeling I'm going to miss shaking hands, but I also think it will be a long, long time before we do either of those again."

"I don’t know if we are very interesting. We wear masks when going out. I walk several mornings per week with Joan and other neighbors. All are wearing masks, keeping 6-10 feet apart. I think we must look like bowling pins in formation walking down the street."

"I’ve been sewing masks, trying various patterns that come across the Internet. I made two out of purple paisley shoulder pads from the 1980s. I sort of wondered why I kept them, but they found their new life and work well. I seem to have a Zoom or Webex or google meeting each day. I also do exercise workouts online. We have fruits and vegetables delivered by Imperfect Produce, and a lot of staple foods on regular delivery by Amazon (we’ve done this for months). One of us typically goes to the store about once per week. Since I’m a dentist, I have a pretty good grasp of infection control. Jim has learned to wash his hands more frequently and thoroughly. We share the same bedroom. We watch about an hour of a movie in the evening. We're both pretty much introverts, so time at home is not a “penalty.” There’s plenty to do in the house (long-postponed projects) and garden. We are fortunate that our son and daughter in law consider us “safe,” and we have our middle school age grandchildren overnight each Thursday. Overseeing their Friday homeschooling is a fun challenge. They have a Zoom class meeting during lunch, and they have YouTube lessons to watch in addition to reading and journaling and math worksheets. I find time each day for creative pursuits and to practice musical instruments."

"As you already know, I am doing personal training sessions twice a week with Kevin on Zoom, and they are working out very well. Fortunately, I have enough equipment at home to allow for pretty extensive workouts. As my brother suggested yesterday, I am grateful that I did not get rid of my Olympic bar, bench, and associated weights. I have used them more in the last month than over the previous 20 years!

I am continuing with my once a week Spanish lessons, only now on Zoom rather than in person. The lessons do lose something from me not being together, in person, with my teacher, particularly due to the occasional technical glitch and some time delays in our communications. However, overall, they continue to be productive.

Laurie's dad is 96 and in hospice. Although his home has not had any confirmed Covid-19 cases, with the restrictions on visitors and Laurie's concerns about her impaired immune system, she is not visiting him, except when we bring him over for dinner here once a week. However, she reads to him over the phone 45 minutes to an hour every day. They have already finished one book and are on to their second.

We are ordering groceries on Instacart, and that is working out OK. I am not going anywhere except to pick up prescriptions and to pick up Laurie's dad when he visits. However, we are keeping in very close touch with friends by phone and on Skype.

I am getting a lot of recreational reading done. Fortunately, my birthday is coming up at the end of the month -- I am going to have to replenish my book inventory. I also practice my clarinet regularly, and we are getting the most out of available streaming services.

Finally, on the positive side, with the weather having been so relatively good lately, I have had plenty of time for gardening. My flower beds are in great shape, and I have had plenty of time to watch spring plant developments happening and to enjoy whatever nature has to offer in the yard."

"We are still sleeping in the same room, the one-bedroom in our 1-bedroom unit. We have not ordered cooked food or groceries to be brought in.

Further, we walk twice every day together, different paths for the morning and afternoon. We always walk together, with masks, because with the lockdown, the streets feel less safe.

And since our day focuses on our evening meal, we still shop, maybe twice a week, with masks in place, and a written list to work from, to shorten our exposure.

We believe what science and scientists are telling us, as well as the local politicians."

"Social distancing is necessary, but it is so boring! Human beings are social creatures. We require frequent interaction with members of our species. We are not lone wolves! Standing in line at Costco or Home Depot, six feet from the person in front of us, while wearing a face mask, is not my idea of social interaction. I can’t wait for social distancing to end!

How do we survive Covid-19? Health clubs are closed, hiking trails in the Columbia Gorge are closed, and the beaches are closed. What do we do to maintain our sanity? We go on urban walks. We bought a book entitled “Portland Townscape Walks.” We have rediscovered wonderful neighborhoods in Portland—Laurelhurst Park, Irvington, Sellwood, and Alameda. We go on frequent walks in our area. We go on bike rides in Portland and along the Columbia River in Washington. We bought a spin cycle with a 22-inch monitor and access to hundreds of cycling classes and rides throughout the world. We have cycled through Singapore and the island of Corsica and other locales as well. Since international travel for us is unlikely again until a vaccine is developed, we live vicariously by cycling through distant lands and reading books.

We shop at stores as infrequently as possible and stock up when we do go. We have organic vegetables delivered to us every week. We have improved our culinary skills by cooking at home. I would make a good sous chef! We watch far too much news—much of it morbid. We wear face masks, as necessary. We persevere."

"How are we coping? My husband, Brad and I, have been asked this question by quite a few people from all different walks of life. To them all, my response varies. Depending on how well I know them, I may go into a full tirade of political disgust at the ill-placed ruler who sits on his self-made throne and continues to dig an even bigger hole than he has already got the US into, and not accept what an enormous part he has played in the tragic dilemma that we are all in today. This I talk about to those who have the time to listen. My point here is that I notice whatever my response is I always end up saying and sharing the same thoughts, which are positive ones. How well and happy we are, and I say to their sad justified laments, ‘be patient as this too will pass.’

I can’t help but say how much we both are enjoying the lack of everyday working pressure that we are sharing. We are both officially retired—whatever that means in this day and age—and continue to work part-time. Brad continues as a state policeman in Salem and is also the head of the Board of Directors for the Oregon Maritime Museum here in Portland. He, of course, also is not let off his duties as my husband and his share of taking care of our home. He has planted a super vegetable garden; he loves to be outside, so the ship, Salem, his garden, and of course, me keep him busy.

For one of our pleasures, we try to take a walk every day if possible, weather permitting; we both love being by the water, so our walks gravitate us to the Columbia River, which is close to where we live. Thankfully we like each other and laugh a lot and share the same political views and sense of what we think is funny. We go on what I call adventures in the car; Oregon is so beautiful this time of year particularly, and driving now is a pleasure with so few cars on the road.

Of the many hats I wear, I now teach online as opposed to driving to my students every day, which some days proved to be distressing scheduling the classes through the traffic from one end of Portland to the other. I am a Dyslexic reading specialist and also a tutor, mainly in English for children and international students. Not having to battle the traffic has made a pleasant difference for me, which is enormous. It has presented so much time to be able to know and enjoy each other again more fully, to Spring Clean the house and get to take pleasure in our home again and not give it, as my mother would have said, ‘a lick and a promise.’

I also am a professional actress, but as no filming or theatre is happening at present, I have been focusing on Voicework, which I love to do. All this goes on at home and not in a recording studio for obvious reasons. So, all in all, we are very busy and happy. We Zoom my son Richard and Brittany, his wife. We had tea with no hugging (which I miss terribly) a while ago. They both still have successfully a job working from home, which is a load off of all our minds. Never the less we’ve all had to tighten our belts.

There is a positive in everything if we’re prepared to find it. Money or perhaps lack of it can be a niggle in the back of our minds, but we don’t allow this to take precedent over our days. We both have gone through so many changes in this life that we look upon this as another change that we’ll get through, and believe me, there will be a big change in America, and we will get through it and be better for it, I believe—we will birth a different normal—when this is all over.

My biggest wish right now is that America will not be so ignorant and stupid to vote back in this ignoble creature that sits on his self-made throne in the White House. Bring back some HOPE for us as a country!"

May 2, 2020—Ann and Bill Clayton

“Worldwide, at least 3.1 million people have been infected in less than four months. Economies have nose-dived. Societies have paused. In most people’s living memory, no crisis has caused so much upheaval so broadly and so quickly.”
For us, it has meant so far, more time to ourselves. More time playing internet games; visiting with friends and family by email, texting, Facetime, and Zoom; more cooking and eating; making and giving away face masks; beading; listening to music; reading and binge-watching television. And of course doing things long put off, like going through fifty years of pictures and organizing them; sorting through things long collected but no longer needed; and writing instructions to our kids on where to find our money, accounts to close, and things to do if we end up dead soon.
What do we miss? Touching and hugging our kids and grandkids, friends and other members of the family; family dinners; going out to eat; traveling; and for Ann, going to her art studio.

And we are tired of being so angry at our federal government for not taking the virus seriously and putting profits before people. We are angry that there still is not enough testing being done. We are mad that older people in nursing homes are dying alone; that people who came here illegally to have a better life are dying; that meatpacking plants are not protecting their workers when they are being forced to work in peril so that others can have meat on their tables.

But we are some of the fortunate ones, with ongoing income, plenty to eat and a safe place to sleep each night. We are pleased that the pollution is better without planes flying, cars on the road, and while plants are shut down. We are heartened by the good deeds of people and thankful every day for the people who are continuing to do the work they do so the rest of us can be safe. It is humbling but very lonely."

“Having lived together for almost 22 years now, and being of an age when slowing down comes naturally, the Covid-19 pandemic has not been too difficult for us to adjust to. We have found the stay-at-home order good for our relationship as it has given us more time to spend together, to reflect on how fortunate we are and how blessed we are to have each other as life companions.

We recently moved from a house in Portland Heights to a condo in northwest Portland to have more immediate access to all the local shops and restaurants in our neighborhood, allowing us to become better connected with the community-at-large. Although many local businesses are temporarily closed, we enjoy taking our dog Ché out for long walks, visiting with family (at a safe distance), and keeping in touch with friends by phone or through social media.

Although we miss the hustle and bustle of Portland’s once-vibrant civic life, the city’s fantastic spring weather has helped keep our spirits up. While we miss not being able to hug our kids and grandkids, dine out with friends, or take trips to far off lands, we’re both healthy, happy, and safe. We can’t ask for anything more...”

The pandemic has reshaped daily lives dramatically, especially for the elderly who are more vulnerable to the virus.

This sense of loss and adaptation is not unlike the experiences shared in discussions around cherished activities losing their charm due to overexposure. As with any change, it's essential to find new ways to connect and enjoy life within our new reality.