Your parents should have your back when things get tough. Right? While that sounds like something obvious, not everyone passes the test. Unfortunately, some adults sound like they’re fairy-tale villains, actively trying to harm their kids for the choices they make.
Redditor u/ThrowRa6351iw526, a teenage mom, shared how her parents disowned her after she decided to keep the child. Not only that, but they also kept calling CPS on her for every little slight, making her life hell for years. However, once the woman’s dad became terminally ill, he wanted to reconnect with her and his granddaughter. The woman turned to Reddit for advice on how to handle the situation. Scroll down for the full story and the advice the internet gave her.
What a teenager needs the most when they find themselves pregnant is support from their parents, not shaming and emotional harm
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A young mom opened up about how her parents disowned her and terrorized her for years after she decided to keep her baby. Later, they begged her to reconnect
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Image credits: ThrowRa6351iw526
Nobody should be forced to reconnect with someone they despise at the drop of a hat. Rebuilding trust takes months and years of consistent effort
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The situation that the author described in her two viral posts sounds like a nightmare. Not only was she thrown out of her parents’ home for deciding to keep her child as a teenage mom, but she also had to deal with years and years of harassment.
The woman shared that her parents had made her life hell. On top of that, her daughter had to go to therapy because she was traumatized by the couple constantly calling CPS for every perceived mistake the young mom made.
To be clear, it’s a very personal and delicate decision, whether or not you should forgive your relatives for years of neglect, disgusting behavior, and emotional and mental violence. It’s your choice that matters the most here. And while other people can give you advice, ultimately, you and you alone make that decision.
If you feel like reconnecting with your parents, do so. It’ll likely take months and years to create a new (hopefully, healthy) relationship with them.
However, you shouldn’t feel pressured to ignore someone’s awful past behavior just because they now have a deadline due to their health. To be blunt, getting sick does not automatically forgive a person’s past sins, like disowning their teen child instead of doing the mature thing and supporting them when they need them the most.
And while everyone is theoretically capable of redemption, the person who has hurt you has to show that they’ve changed. They’re in no position to force you to forgive them. Genuinely rebuilding trust takes lots of time. You can’t fast-track something like this if you want it to be authentic.
You might also find yourself in a nuanced situation where you forgive the people who have hurt you without actually reconnecting with them. That way, you start the healing process, move on with your life, but feel no obligation to have a relationship with someone whom you don’t want as part of your life.
On the flip side, keeping hold of all of that anger and sadness for years is going to eat away at your physical and mental health. It disempowers you. You may need years of therapy and self-care to accept what has happened and reframe it in a way that restores your confidence.
Healing from trauma is a long and arduous process. You need to make sure that you find a therapist with the right skill set
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The Cleveland Clinic explains that when it comes to trauma, the earlier it happens to you in life, the more it tends to leave an impact that follows you into adulthood, unless handled early. Children under the age of 8 are particularly vulnerable.
Childhood trauma can result in:
- Shame
- Guilt
- Low self-esteem
- Risky behaviors
- Addiction
- Anxiety
- Learning disabilities
According to the Cleveland Clinic, tackling trauma requires multiple strategies, from seeking trauma-informed therapy and learning your triggers to guided meditation and self-care.
When it comes to therapy, you should look for a counselor whom you can truly trust and who has the right skill set to help you.
“The most important step is to establish a really safe therapeutic alliance before you open up about all the details of your trauma,” says psychotherapist Natacha Duke, MA, RP. On top of that, your therapist knows what tools can help you work through your trauma both safely and efficiently.
Meanwhile, Verywell Mind also recommends looking for a trauma-informed therapist. “Individual trauma-focused psychotherapy is recommended over all other approaches for PTSD and traumatic experiences in general. Modalities like EMDR, somatic experiencing, trauma-focused CBT, Internal Family Systems, or art therapy can be good treatment options as well.”
However, support groups aren’t recommended for trauma without individual trauma-informed support because talking about traumatic events can be re-traumatizing.
What are your thoughts, dear Readers? Do you think the young mom was right to refuse her parents from meeting her granddaughter because of the years they’d spent making her life hell? Or do you think she should have tried to reconnect with them since her dad was now terminally ill? Have you ever tried reconnecting with someone whom you have cut off in the past? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
The story went viral, and many people wanted to share their advice with the young mom
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Later, the woman shared a significant update. She confronted her parents and set some boundaries going forward
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Image credits: ThrowRa6351iw526
The internet was very impressed with the way the woman handled the emotionally tense situation with her parents
