News about a pregnancy usually brings a lot of joy to the family. Everybody around is congratulating the couple, parents are thankful for grandchildren and friends are already planning parties for baby showers and/or a gender reveal.
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However, babies also bring a lot of chaos and stress, couples’ lives are just about to change and while some can’t wait for it, for others, it may be the biggest struggle and hardest period of their lives. Well, especially if it’s not a planned pregnancy and you are not ready to be a ‘real’ adult yet.
More info: Reddit
Unexpected pregnancy may ‘force’ you to grow up and step into adulthood way faster
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
Mom shares that her daughter is pregnant but doesn’t do anything and moved back in to live with her and her husband
Image credits: Matilda Wormwood (not the actual photo)
Every time her mom tells her that she needs to grow up and get her act together, the daughter throws tantrums
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
She stated that her mom is being a jerk for turning her back on her and if her grandkid suffers, it will be because of her
Image credits: u/GlitteringMud9950
After a calm conversation, the daughter admitted that she hates being an adult and all responsibilities and semi-regrets her pregnancy
A few days ago one Reddit user shared her story to one of the most judgmental communities asking if she was in fact being a jerk for wanting her pregnant daughter to do something with her life and not only rely on her. The post received quite a lot of attention and in 4 days, it collected almost 4K upvotes and more than 1.3K comments.
The author starts by sharing that her 22 Y.O. daughter is pregnant and moved back in with her. She is still together with her boyfriend, but the main issue is that she does absolutely nothing. She doesn’t work, doesn’t study nor help with the household and every time her mom starts saying something about the need to grow up, she starts screaming and crying that her mom hates her.
OP adds that this is all despite her effort to explain to the daughter that it’s her and her boyfriend’s responsibility to provide for the baby and be decent parents as she is going to raise the child, not the mother. However, all these conversations end up with OP’s daughter screaming, crying and literally throwing herself on the floor. OP shares that her daughter knows what’s expected of her, but it also leads to her blaming her mother for turning her back on her.
Moreover, OP provided an update regarding this situation. So after a calm conversation, her daughter admitted that she hates being an adult and the idea of having a kid is terrifying. She slightly regrets the pregnancy and her tantrums help her to face reality. However, open adoption or therapy are not solutions she will consider and she is just very scared and unsure about the whole situation.
Community members gave the author the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge in this situation, but noted that her daughter has some serious mental health issues. “Your daughter is struggling with some sort of mental health issue and needs intervention. In the middle of all this, she is having a baby. She is not in a state to take care of an infant when it’s time,” one user shared. “Your daughter is not ready to be a mother. I would seriously consider having her adopt the baby to a loving stable couple. The greatest gift she can give and something to be proud of,” another added.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Carla Marie Manly, who is a clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author. She kindly agreed to share her insights regarding psychological factors that may contribute to the fear of adulthood, psychological impact on unexpected pregnancies and strategies for building independence.
“It’s absolutely natural to have fears about adulthood,” Dr. Carla starts. She shares that every new life stage makes us feel anxious. However, when we learn to look at the fears rather than hiding from them - then we are able to move forward in healthy ways. But when we hide from them, we tend to become stuck in unhealthy patterns that are harmful for us and others.
“As a young adult, it’s often difficult to move into the highly responsible realm of adulthood if you feel unprepared or are suffering from significant stressors,” she emphasizes. Young adults face milestones and choices such as higher education, entering the workforce, forming committed relationships and moving on their own. And as a result, even emotionally mature young adults may feel overwhelmed.
Now, speaking about unexpected pregnancies of young adults and the psychological impact that comes with it, Dr. Carla mentioned that even those who really want to become parents are often unsettled by the news of a pregnancy. “And when a pregnancy is unexpected, the mental and emotional shock—along with the physical stressors—can be extremely distressing,” she states.
So when a young adult, who may naturally have fewer coping skills, learns of pregnancy, they may cycle through a list of emotions such as fear, anxiety, sadness and anger. Thus in many cases, they may feel highly anxious, depressed and overwhelmed by the idea of the vast responsibilities of parenthood.
Finally, the psychologist shares that for young adults to gradually build self-reliance, ideally parents should mindfully help their children build a sense of age-appropriate agency from early childhood forward. However, appropriate development scaffolding doesn’t occur in all families, for many reasons, and this can lead to hyper-dependence. “In order to move forward in positive ways, it’s important for parents and adult children to avoid casting blame or engaging in shaming behavior. Instead, it’s best to assess the situation—ideally with the support of an objective psychologist—to create healthy strategies that support healthy independence.”
And of course, don’t forget to check out Dr. Carla’s life-changing book Joy from Fear and her new podcast Imperfect Love, which you can find on all major podcast platforms!
So guys, what do you think about this situation? What would you recommend for mom in this case? Share your opinions in the comments!
Redditors discussed that the pregnant woman is not in the state of mind to have a baby and needs to work on her mental health
