If you're lucky, your family members, love, support, and inspire you. If you're not so lucky, they're selfish manipulative psychos who will turn against you the second they need something.
Reddit user u/paperweightfairy and her fiance have booked their dream wedding venue in advance. They weren't in a rush, so it seemed perfectly fine to wait a bit and have the ceremony they both wanted. As the big day was nearing, however, her sister got pregnant. Which wouldn't be a problem in itself. But the gal started pressuring paperweightfairy, demanding she and her fiance give up their wedding plans. And she wouldn't stop even after hearing a polite "no."
Image credits: istockphoto / Motortion (not the actual photo)
"The relationship with my sister was always okay," paperweightfairy told Bored Panda. "But it was because I gave in to her demands too easily (e.g when she was little, I would let her blow out my birthday cake candles, she would get a present. I would agree to do her chores so she could go out. I filled out her job applications because she didn't know how to, etc.) The time we had a real sibling rivalry was on the day of my graduation when she had a fit."
Luckily, nothing has changed between her and her fiance since it all began. "He is extremely mad at my family and doesn't want them to come [to our wedding]."
However, her nan's reaction really surprised paperweightfairy. "While we all coddled my sister for being the baby, my Nan never showed favoritism till this point."
People said a lot of things to the bride
To clear things up, she posted a few updates of the situation
You probably couldn't find a family without any hard times. During these family feuds, it's important to think clearly. However, not letting emotions get the better of us is definitely easier said than done. Still, there are a few simple things you can do to make it easier for yourself:
- Stay true to the facts. When people are going back and forth, they might forget the essence of the issue. Therefore, it's important to determine what it is that you're fighting over and try to prevent the conflict from getting even bigger.
- Pause. We have a tendency to respond to a situation immediately because we want our voice to be heard. And if someone starts throwing accusations at us, it's natural to try and defend ourselves. But putting some distance between you and whomever you are fighting with first is a very good idea. Gathering your thoughts could help both of you gain some perspective.
- Set boundaries. You need to set clear boundaries to maintain not only your safety but your sanity as well. Defining these limits very clearly and not letting anyone belittle what you’ve decided might actually save you a lot of energy.
- Redefine relationships. Lastly, if things continue to deteriorate and you ran out of options, you may have to redefine your relationship with that family member. The fact that you're related doesn’t mean you must live in misery. Toxic dynamics don't help anyone.