Mutual trust and respect, communication and compromise are the foundations upon which healthy long-term relationships are built. Of course, no relationship is perfect and one or two of those pillars might wobble a bit from time to time. What matters is that both partners in a couple try to grow and understand each other better—effort can’t be one-sided.
Redditor u/BandicootBrave278, a new mom, turned to the r/AITAH online community for advice about the tense situation at home. She shared how, when she was heavily pregnant at the time, her husband raged at her for spending $35 using his credit card to buy a laundry drying rack for their home. The OP later shared an important update after giving birth. Read on for the full story and how the internet reacted. Bored Panda has reached out to u/BandicootBrave278 via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Healthy long-term relationships are only possible if both partners respect and trust each other
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
A new mom turned to the internet for advice after her husband blew up when she bought a laundry drying rack
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Image credits: energepic.com (not the actual photo)
Image credits: voronaman111 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BandicootBrave278
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The woman is very aware that there are some deep-seated problems at play here
The author of the post explained the entire situation in great detail, including listing some of the sums of her personal money that she has spent on the family as a whole, to show that she is very responsible when it comes to finances.
“I know I'm being incredibly verbose here but I feel like all these details matter since I truly run myself to my financial limit to avoid his wrath/lectures,” she wrote on r/AITAH. “He said I buy things for fun with his credit card. I think I've used his credit card a total of 5-10 times in our five-year relationship and it's been getting groceries for parties with HIS family. I've NEVER once used his credit card on anything personal.”
Taking everything, including the OP’s update, into account, it genuinely feels like the woman’s husband has some deep-seated trust and control issues. After the whole blowout over a measly drying rack, he’s even planning on buying his own car and told his wife that he won’t be supporting her maternity leave.
Not only that, the 40-year-old is being awful both to his wife and her mom, though he’s enamored with the baby, according to the OP’s update in one of her comments. Clearly, it’s not a healthy and happy marriage. And u/BandicootBrave278 seems to be very aware of this. But right now, her priority is her baby.
“Right now, I am focused on my baby and healing as I did have a very traumatic birth,” the redditor wrote.
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Merging (part) of your finances can be healthy for the relationship
If a couple is in it for the long haul (i.e. they’ve been together for years, have a house together, are married, and are having kids), then it makes sense to merge at least a part of their finances in, say, a shared bank account. This makes sense from a practical standpoint, no matter if both partners are working or if one of them spends more time at home to take care of the kids.
According to The Atlantic, most married couples in the US put all of their income into shared accounts. However, it still doesn’t seem that Americans have “reached a consensus on which financial arrangement is best for relationships.”
Roughly half of personal finance experts, like Suze Orman, believe that you shouldn’t ever have just one joint account and advocate for a ‘hybrid’ approach. Meanwhile, Dave Ramsey believes that having separate accounts is bogus.
The main upside of couples sharing all of their money is that it creates a deeper sense of unity: the wealth is theirs as a family, not as that of individuals. Research also shows that couples who do this, especially if they have low incomes, are more satisfied with their relationships.
However, a downside of a total financial merger is that both partners might start judging each other for what they spend money on. They can start questioning each other about whether they really needed to buy X, Y, and Z. You wouldn’t see that if both people had autonomous accounts, however, then you’d be giving up a sense of unity, too. That’s why it’s probably best to go for a ‘hybrid’ approach where part of the money is shared.
Alternatively, committed couples can keep separate accounts, but they need to be on the same page about who pays for what. It’s also worth avoiding a merger if one or both partners have a lot of personal debt.
Many internet users were very worried about the mom
The author of the post later shared an important update, after giving birth
