Some grow up with their siblings side by side as best friends, while others spend their childhood walking on eggshells. And there are no guarantees that things will get better with time, either. To explore how deep this sort of damage can run, let's take a look at a Reddit thread where people have been sharing what it's like to have an antisocial brother or sister who has crossed every possible line, and how their behaviors still echo in their families today.
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#1
My daughter was hit by a drunk driver when she was 12 and nearly died. She was in a coma for two weeks and I was there all day every day, except to go home to shower and change. My sister decided that when I was at the hospital was the perfect time for her and her dr*ggie girlfriend to jimmy the sliding door off the track, break in and steal everything she could find--jewelry, my camera, and yes, my daughter's piggy bank.
The b***h stole the piggy bank from a comatose kid.
The b***h stole the piggy bank from a comatose kid.
56points
#2
I was playing with a suitcase while watching TV. I was small enough to fit myself in it. My brother, nearly four and a half years older than me, saw what I was doing and asked to zip me up in it. After already having learned to never trust him, I asked Mom to watch us to make sure he didn't do anything stupid.
He zipped me up inside the suitcase and started carrying it in a shuffle-step.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
I heard the sliding door to the enclosed patio open, Mom started screaming and I could hear her slapping my brother repeatedly. The suitcase fell over onto its side with me still in it.
I managed to pry open the zippers from the inside and got myself out of the suitcase as quickly as possible. Mom was still slapping at my brother, screaming "Why?!
I was two feet away from being dumped inside a suitcase into the family hot tub.
He laughed and said that I would have floated, what's the big deal?
So, yeah, that's what it was like growing up with a sociopath.
He zipped me up inside the suitcase and started carrying it in a shuffle-step.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
I heard the sliding door to the enclosed patio open, Mom started screaming and I could hear her slapping my brother repeatedly. The suitcase fell over onto its side with me still in it.
I managed to pry open the zippers from the inside and got myself out of the suitcase as quickly as possible. Mom was still slapping at my brother, screaming "Why?!
I was two feet away from being dumped inside a suitcase into the family hot tub.
He laughed and said that I would have floated, what's the big deal?
So, yeah, that's what it was like growing up with a sociopath.
48points
Family is considered a top priority for the majority of Americans, with most—58%—stating that family relationships are the most important type of all relationships.
Still, tired of having to deal with these things, some people aren't afraid to take drastic measures. A poll of over 11,000 Americans conducted in 2022 found that nearly one in three—29%—report being estranged from an immediate family member, including parents, children, grandparents, and, of course, siblings.
The last of which was actually the most common group in this discussion, with 14% of all US adults saying they're currently not on speaking terms with at least one brother or sister.
#3
When I was 10, my mom put a lock on my door because my brother started threatening to k**l me and my mom in the night.
When I was 14, he fixated on my mom and threatened to burn down our house, shoot my whole family, and steal all the valuables and drive away.
That same year, (he was 17), he took our car and ran away from home for two weeks. We ended up calling the police on him. When he came home, the police decided that it would be best if he lived somewhere else so he did.
As we were cleaning out his room we found hundreds of knives, a hand gun, lighter fluid, gasoline and lighters.
When I was 14, he fixated on my mom and threatened to burn down our house, shoot my whole family, and steal all the valuables and drive away.
That same year, (he was 17), he took our car and ran away from home for two weeks. We ended up calling the police on him. When he came home, the police decided that it would be best if he lived somewhere else so he did.
As we were cleaning out his room we found hundreds of knives, a hand gun, lighter fluid, gasoline and lighters.
45points
#4
My sister broke my mom's arm just because she was trying to get a toaster out if the cabinet. I really don't understand why that was such a big deal to her. Also when my mom was sick she threatened to pour hot coffee on her if she didn't get out of bed and do s**t for her that she could of easily done herself. She also would hit the pets for no reason and talked about m**dering strangers because she thought it would be fun.
I finally got her out of here and away from us about a month or so ago but it was long overdue, as she is currently 31 years old. There's a lot more s**t but yeah I'm just glad she's finally gone. I still have nightmares about her.
I finally got her out of here and away from us about a month or so ago but it was long overdue, as she is currently 31 years old. There's a lot more s**t but yeah I'm just glad she's finally gone. I still have nightmares about her.
43points
#5
My sister, who is 8 years older than me, chased 6 year old me around the house with a knife so I would leave her alone... because she was babysitting while my parents were on a date.... and I needed food....
40points
Such a decision still comes with a fair number of challenges. "Whether estrangement was a choice or the relationship simply faded away, estranged siblings are caught in a swirl of judgments and doubts," said Fern Schumer Chapman, author of the book Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation.
"The sibling who ends contact—the shunner—may be haunted by the daunting question: How could I be so heartless as to cut off my own sibling? Meanwhile, the shunned may be plagued by the corresponding question: What's so wrong with me that my sibling doesn’t want anything to do with me?" Provided they're not entirely heartless, of course.
"The idea of the close, loving extended family is a social construct that isn’t necessarily representative of most families, yet it is reinforced everywhere. Throughout the culture, from opera to sitcom, brothers and sisters are assumed and urged not just to maintain, but also to prioritize, above all else, their families," Chapman explained.
However, you have to draw the line somewhere.
#6
He t**tured me emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically until the day I turned 18. I joined the military to escape. My parents were neglectful and did not understand or believe me, and they still don't, 20 years later.
37points
#7
Growing up, she had total control of my life. She criticized what I wore, listened to, ate, everything. If I was different I was weird, if I liked what she liked then I was copying her. She tried to scare me multiple times with guns and knives, claiming she never would actually hurt me but she would hold up a samurai sword to my throat and tell me if I moved I died.
Eventually she had at kid when she was 19 and I was 16, and for a year she was a good mother and then decided she didn’t want to be a mom anymore. I’ve seen her ruin countless people’s lives, spanning from just stringing them along to drowning their bank accounts to contributing to them being put in jail for domestic abuse(she’s still waiting for trial on her charge).
I despise her and she is not family to me. I had so many issues growing up that only stemmed from things she did to me and I don’t want to see my niece grow up like that. My parents are doing a wonderful job of raising her but she doesn’t understand why mommy isn’t there and it breaks my heart.
Eventually she had at kid when she was 19 and I was 16, and for a year she was a good mother and then decided she didn’t want to be a mom anymore. I’ve seen her ruin countless people’s lives, spanning from just stringing them along to drowning their bank accounts to contributing to them being put in jail for domestic abuse(she’s still waiting for trial on her charge).
I despise her and she is not family to me. I had so many issues growing up that only stemmed from things she did to me and I don’t want to see my niece grow up like that. My parents are doing a wonderful job of raising her but she doesn’t understand why mommy isn’t there and it breaks my heart.
35points
#8
My brother was diagnosed with NPD at 16.
He's never had empathy. Children learn empathy at some point, but it was like he never reached that developmental stage. He was unconcerned when people got hurt. He hit and bullied others in school to get what he wanted. Doctors, therapists, medication... Nothing made a difference, and it's not like there was some kind of trauma or a reason for his behavior. It's like he was just born wrong.
When he was 10 he started taking and dealing d***s (as a d**g runner for some older teens; you can't be prosecuted under 14 in Germany). My parents called our version of CPS for help. He got more therapy, some in-patient stays and his own social worker.
He stole my dad's car when he was 12 and got picked up by the cops. He got his first charges at 14: d***s and a*****t.
My parents were at their wit's end and agreed to have him placed in a group home for troubled teens for a year. He was kicked out shortly before the year was up. He came home and seemed to recognize in a clinical, detached kind of way, that he couldn't go on like this without ending up in prison. He was about 15. He started being less violent, but he had insane delusions of grandeur and needed everyone to comply with whatever he wanted. If they didn't, he lashed out.
My parents still made him go to therapy. He assaulted my dad and choked him because he didn't want to. My brother was 16, but also 6'3 and about 190 lbs.
My dad died from a sudden aneurysm when he was 16, and he went off the rails completely.
He got a girl pregnant and she was kicked out by her mom. My mom took her in. The girl was not a bad person, just had some issues, so it wasn't that surprising that she'd date my brother (who could be charming if he situation demanded it).
He beat her up at our house a couple months later while she was still pregnant. That was the last straw for my mom: she kicked my brother out. We helped the girl to find an apartment for her and the baby. Unsurprisingly, my mom caved a short while later and let my brother move back in.
He seemed to think he was the head of the household. My parents never married, so my father's modest possessions went to me and my brother instead of my mom, and that included the car my dad bought a year before he died. It was the first brand new car he ever bought, a small one, but he was proud of it. My brother made my mom sell it so he could get "his" half of the money. It wasn't even a f*****g expensive one, and my mom was devastated to lose my dead dad's little car.
I was 20 then, my brother was 17. He was verbally a*****e and basically tortured my mom mentally. He threatened to hit me on a daily basis whenever I didn't do something or give him something he wanted. He also threatened to k**l me a couple of times.
On a particular bad day he told my mom that he'd have no trouble to get a couple guys to run her off the road when she went out. When the threats got stale, he'd beat me up every couple weeks.
There was one particular instance where I was actually afraid he was going to k**l me. He did his usual spiel of using me as a verbal punching bag because he had bad a bad day, and I was just burnt out. Didn't even react anymore. He hit me a couple of times and choked me. No idea how, but I fought him off, grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom where I locked myself in before he could get to me again. He was trying to beat down the door while I called the cops.
The cops did nothing. Told me he lived there, so we'd have to get along, and since we both said opposing things, nothing would come of it. I insisted they take my f*****g statement.
My mom wasn't home at the time, but she was a wreck anyway and couldn't deal anymore. A couple days later, my aunt came to visit for a couple of days. My brother was his charming, manipulative self for her. My aunt tried to pressure me into not pressing charges, since apparently I gave myself the dozens of bruises and contusions I had, as my brother had told her.
I was severely s******l at that point and gave my mom an ultimatum: me or him. She kicked him out again. He came back a year later, and I moved out for college immediately.
I don't blame my mom much anymore, rock and a hard place and all that, but she never could understand the fact that her love for her son was misplaced. He didn't have the things that made someone human. He had no empathy, he was not capable of love, he was just an empty shell that went through life trying to get whatever pleasures he so desired by whatever means necessary.
I haven't spoken to or seen him in about 7 years, but my mom's still in contact with him. He went to Spain when the mother of his daughter tried to get child support. Sometimes, my mom still talks about the things he's done. A couple examples:
For some reason, his ex-girlfriend started letting him see his daughter, and she flies to Spain with my mom once or twice a year. Or used to, anyway. He locked her in the basement with an adult-size portion of food she threw up on because she couldn't eat anymore. She was 4 (hard to remember) or so. She doesn't want to go visit him anymore.
He withheld rent from his Spanish landlord for like 6 months. The landlord had terminal cancer and my brother saw it as a waste to give money to a dying man.
He married a girl in Spain and had another kid, and he now makes a living as a realtor. From what I've heard, he still thinks he's God's gift to mankind.
I don't think I'd even go to his funeral if he died.
He's never had empathy. Children learn empathy at some point, but it was like he never reached that developmental stage. He was unconcerned when people got hurt. He hit and bullied others in school to get what he wanted. Doctors, therapists, medication... Nothing made a difference, and it's not like there was some kind of trauma or a reason for his behavior. It's like he was just born wrong.
When he was 10 he started taking and dealing d***s (as a d**g runner for some older teens; you can't be prosecuted under 14 in Germany). My parents called our version of CPS for help. He got more therapy, some in-patient stays and his own social worker.
He stole my dad's car when he was 12 and got picked up by the cops. He got his first charges at 14: d***s and a*****t.
My parents were at their wit's end and agreed to have him placed in a group home for troubled teens for a year. He was kicked out shortly before the year was up. He came home and seemed to recognize in a clinical, detached kind of way, that he couldn't go on like this without ending up in prison. He was about 15. He started being less violent, but he had insane delusions of grandeur and needed everyone to comply with whatever he wanted. If they didn't, he lashed out.
My parents still made him go to therapy. He assaulted my dad and choked him because he didn't want to. My brother was 16, but also 6'3 and about 190 lbs.
My dad died from a sudden aneurysm when he was 16, and he went off the rails completely.
He got a girl pregnant and she was kicked out by her mom. My mom took her in. The girl was not a bad person, just had some issues, so it wasn't that surprising that she'd date my brother (who could be charming if he situation demanded it).
He beat her up at our house a couple months later while she was still pregnant. That was the last straw for my mom: she kicked my brother out. We helped the girl to find an apartment for her and the baby. Unsurprisingly, my mom caved a short while later and let my brother move back in.
He seemed to think he was the head of the household. My parents never married, so my father's modest possessions went to me and my brother instead of my mom, and that included the car my dad bought a year before he died. It was the first brand new car he ever bought, a small one, but he was proud of it. My brother made my mom sell it so he could get "his" half of the money. It wasn't even a f*****g expensive one, and my mom was devastated to lose my dead dad's little car.
I was 20 then, my brother was 17. He was verbally a*****e and basically tortured my mom mentally. He threatened to hit me on a daily basis whenever I didn't do something or give him something he wanted. He also threatened to k**l me a couple of times.
On a particular bad day he told my mom that he'd have no trouble to get a couple guys to run her off the road when she went out. When the threats got stale, he'd beat me up every couple weeks.
There was one particular instance where I was actually afraid he was going to k**l me. He did his usual spiel of using me as a verbal punching bag because he had bad a bad day, and I was just burnt out. Didn't even react anymore. He hit me a couple of times and choked me. No idea how, but I fought him off, grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom where I locked myself in before he could get to me again. He was trying to beat down the door while I called the cops.
The cops did nothing. Told me he lived there, so we'd have to get along, and since we both said opposing things, nothing would come of it. I insisted they take my f*****g statement.
My mom wasn't home at the time, but she was a wreck anyway and couldn't deal anymore. A couple days later, my aunt came to visit for a couple of days. My brother was his charming, manipulative self for her. My aunt tried to pressure me into not pressing charges, since apparently I gave myself the dozens of bruises and contusions I had, as my brother had told her.
I was severely s******l at that point and gave my mom an ultimatum: me or him. She kicked him out again. He came back a year later, and I moved out for college immediately.
I don't blame my mom much anymore, rock and a hard place and all that, but she never could understand the fact that her love for her son was misplaced. He didn't have the things that made someone human. He had no empathy, he was not capable of love, he was just an empty shell that went through life trying to get whatever pleasures he so desired by whatever means necessary.
I haven't spoken to or seen him in about 7 years, but my mom's still in contact with him. He went to Spain when the mother of his daughter tried to get child support. Sometimes, my mom still talks about the things he's done. A couple examples:
For some reason, his ex-girlfriend started letting him see his daughter, and she flies to Spain with my mom once or twice a year. Or used to, anyway. He locked her in the basement with an adult-size portion of food she threw up on because she couldn't eat anymore. She was 4 (hard to remember) or so. She doesn't want to go visit him anymore.
He withheld rent from his Spanish landlord for like 6 months. The landlord had terminal cancer and my brother saw it as a waste to give money to a dying man.
He married a girl in Spain and had another kid, and he now makes a living as a realtor. From what I've heard, he still thinks he's God's gift to mankind.
I don't think I'd even go to his funeral if he died.
32points
#9
It’s interesting really. My mom died recently. When I called my sister to come down the day before she died she said “I thought she was going to die today. I’m not disappointed, but I can’t keep missing work.”
The next day I called her to come to the hospital again as the doctor and I made the decision to take her off the ventilator. On the phone she said “Well, can we pull out the tube as soon as I get there because I have plans tonight.”
She also proceeded to ask me for rent money that day, as I also live with her.
The things they say, and don’t realize how messed up it is is really baffling.
The next day I called her to come to the hospital again as the doctor and I made the decision to take her off the ventilator. On the phone she said “Well, can we pull out the tube as soon as I get there because I have plans tonight.”
She also proceeded to ask me for rent money that day, as I also live with her.
The things they say, and don’t realize how messed up it is is really baffling.
32points
#10
When she threw a cup of hot tea at my face because I refused to show her something on the computer. Or the time when she yelled at me for over an hour because I was really sick and had thrown up all over the bathroom sink. The same bathroom she had just cleaned.
I stopped speaking with her over 7 years ago.
I stopped speaking with her over 7 years ago.
32points
#11
My brother takes after his dad, my ex step dad, who was very a*****e and definitely a Narcissist.
I struggle with PTSD from it and can no longer spend time at my own home when he's around. He is a master at gas lighting. He will find the littlest ways to bring you down without you even realizing it. He will never ever accept that he is wrong and will always find a way to have the last word. He is physically a*****e towards my younger siblings but no one will believe me. He's 16. I'm 18 and now living on my friends couches. Before I turned 18 I was constantly in and out of mental hospitals because of him so obviously no one will believe me because obviously I'm the crazy one.
He has no empathy. He likes to see people in pain. He thinks it's funny. He finds it hilarious that by talking about my best friend who passed away he can make me cry. He made me cry over a bowl of soup. He makes sure that everyone sees me as the crazy one.
He hurts animals too. He has k**led all my pets. He poisoned my cat. He says he's practicing for when he had the chance to do it on a person. But he's smart. He won't do anything unless he knows he can get away with it.
I struggle with PTSD from it and can no longer spend time at my own home when he's around. He is a master at gas lighting. He will find the littlest ways to bring you down without you even realizing it. He will never ever accept that he is wrong and will always find a way to have the last word. He is physically a*****e towards my younger siblings but no one will believe me. He's 16. I'm 18 and now living on my friends couches. Before I turned 18 I was constantly in and out of mental hospitals because of him so obviously no one will believe me because obviously I'm the crazy one.
He has no empathy. He likes to see people in pain. He thinks it's funny. He finds it hilarious that by talking about my best friend who passed away he can make me cry. He made me cry over a bowl of soup. He makes sure that everyone sees me as the crazy one.
He hurts animals too. He has k**led all my pets. He poisoned my cat. He says he's practicing for when he had the chance to do it on a person. But he's smart. He won't do anything unless he knows he can get away with it.
32points
#12
Oh god where do I begin. She fed my hamster to our cat because I wouldn't let her name it, She woke me up when I was sleeping in my mom's bed by punching me and then proceeded to break my index finger with the door when I fought back. Just because she wants to sleep there that night. She also poured bleach over my clothes cuz she was mad that I was doing laundry when she needed to. Honestly there's a whole lot more but those are some of the major stuff.
30points
#13
I haven’t spoken to my brother in 3-4 years. Last time I did he went after my wife and that was the last straw for me. Since then, my parents have cut him off, he lost his job, and his life has spiraled. Not sure what he is up to now but my quality of life has improved with him not in it.
29points
#14
My sociopathic older (3.5 yrs) and I shared a bedroom growing up. I slept on my stomach with my head under the pillow and my stuffed animals on both sides because she would beat me in my sleep. She would lock me in our old delapated spider infested shed instead of "babysitting" me. She would invite me to hang with her and her friends (all I wanted was to be included) in "our" room...everyone would be really nice to me for like 5 min before my sister would snap and beat the living s**t out me while her friends laughed. They bullied me all day, every day. I was sweeping the kitchen one afternoon and she walked in...snatched the broom out of my hands and proceeded to beat me with it. Telephone receivers, tennis rackets, soccer cleats, and hair brushes were her weapons of choice.
Once when I was 18, I still lived at home and she lived a couple miles away. I just got off work and she showed up at my parents and invited me to hang out at her place and told me to bring my w**d...knowing she was just using me, I told her I was tired and didn't want to go anywhere. She left and about an hour later I left to get a pack of smokes. As I'm driving down my parents street away from their house, I see my sister barreling down the street towards me. Needless to say.. she plowed right into me, totally my car.
Currently my mother, my brother, his partner, his ex wife and her husnand and my 18 yr old niece all have restraining orders against my now 44 yr old sister. She has been banned from grocery stores and other public places for her explosive (I'm just being honest) tirades on other customers. She was arrested for assaulting one of the aforementioned family members and as the cops were putting on the cuffs on her, she said, "I should have curb stomped the b***h."
Side note...my dad bails her out of every legal situation she has ever been in, so she has never been held accountable for her behavior. She literally believes laws exist for other people and not her. She is a narcissistic sociopath according to ALL the mental health providers I have seen over the last 25 years.
Once when I was 18, I still lived at home and she lived a couple miles away. I just got off work and she showed up at my parents and invited me to hang out at her place and told me to bring my w**d...knowing she was just using me, I told her I was tired and didn't want to go anywhere. She left and about an hour later I left to get a pack of smokes. As I'm driving down my parents street away from their house, I see my sister barreling down the street towards me. Needless to say.. she plowed right into me, totally my car.
Currently my mother, my brother, his partner, his ex wife and her husnand and my 18 yr old niece all have restraining orders against my now 44 yr old sister. She has been banned from grocery stores and other public places for her explosive (I'm just being honest) tirades on other customers. She was arrested for assaulting one of the aforementioned family members and as the cops were putting on the cuffs on her, she said, "I should have curb stomped the b***h."
Side note...my dad bails her out of every legal situation she has ever been in, so she has never been held accountable for her behavior. She literally believes laws exist for other people and not her. She is a narcissistic sociopath according to ALL the mental health providers I have seen over the last 25 years.
28points
#15
My sister doesn't take any responsibility for her own action, she just got out of prison in February, and it looks like she may be going back soon to finish out her underlying sentence. She claims that her corrections officer is just being mean, even though she popped hot for c*****e, m**h, and pot; she is also 5 months pregnant. I have all four of her other kids living with me; up until recently I only had two of them and their dad had the other two.
She calls constantly, knowing that it is expensive to take the calls. She calls several times a day, and expects us to answer every time. I haven't answered the last several times, because I can't afford to pay for it. The last time I answered, she was crying and begging me to put up the money for a bond, which she knows I don't have. She was telling me I need to put her car up for collateral, along with a couple of hundred dollars, and tell the bondsman they will get the rest soon.
I have bailed her out a couple of times in the past, and instead of telling the judge to have the money go back to me, she told them to put it towards her fines. I have lost so much money and personal property due to her antics over the years, I refuse to do anything else for her. I will however do what I need to and can do for the kids.
She calls constantly, knowing that it is expensive to take the calls. She calls several times a day, and expects us to answer every time. I haven't answered the last several times, because I can't afford to pay for it. The last time I answered, she was crying and begging me to put up the money for a bond, which she knows I don't have. She was telling me I need to put her car up for collateral, along with a couple of hundred dollars, and tell the bondsman they will get the rest soon.
I have bailed her out a couple of times in the past, and instead of telling the judge to have the money go back to me, she told them to put it towards her fines. I have lost so much money and personal property due to her antics over the years, I refuse to do anything else for her. I will however do what I need to and can do for the kids.
26points
#16
You feel your life isn’t your own. Every thing will revolve around them. Constantly causing drama and trouble. Sister who would steal from you. Never ending drama. Tried to steal my boyfriend repeatedly. Actually broke into one sister's house and robbed her. Can’t tell the truth ever. Disowned her about ten years ago after her awful treatment of terminally ill mother. Peace since then.
24points
#17
Idk if this counts but my 6 year old brother ( he was six when this happened ) once asked my mom if he could have some of her fries, she said yes and asked why. He replied with “ So I can k**l seagulls.” She asked why, and he replied with “ so I can bait them and then k**l them with rocks. My mom also asked why he would do that, and he answered “ because I don’t play enough Fortnite .”
Another time my friend accidentally stepped on my dogs paw and was like , “ oh god I’m so sorry!!” And etc. Then, my brother from the other room yelled “ I wish I could break the dogs paw!” He’s done other things like talk about how he wouldn’t miss me if I died and such. I’ve also had dreams about him k**ling everyone I know like family, pets and friends.
Another time my friend accidentally stepped on my dogs paw and was like , “ oh god I’m so sorry!!” And etc. Then, my brother from the other room yelled “ I wish I could break the dogs paw!” He’s done other things like talk about how he wouldn’t miss me if I died and such. I’ve also had dreams about him k**ling everyone I know like family, pets and friends.
23points
#18
They can make drama out of any situation and will try to drag you into it even years later.
Example: I am the next to youngest. My whole family is a s**t show, but when I was planning my wedding, I was still trying to pretend I had a reasonable family. My future husband's family was like Leave it to Beaver.
So I asked both of my sisters to be bridesmaids. I knew this was a risk, but I hoped they could keep their s**t together for a single evening. At the time, I thought they had.
About 8 years later, we were in the same city because one of our brothers was in the hospital due to a bad car accident. We had one hotel room across the street from the hospital so people could go rest when they needed to.
I was in that room with my oldest sister when she said, "You know {middle sister} stole wine glasses from your wedding, right?" I told her I didn't care.
A couple of hours later, I was in that room with my middle sister. She said, "You know {older sister} stole glasses from your wedding, right?" I also told her I didn't care.
So here we are, waiting to see if our brother was going to die and both of these b**ches are playing reindeer games with me, trying to make me be angry with the other one.
Our brother lived. I've cut contact with all my siblings because they are all like this. They have to start s**t no matter what the situation or consequences.
Example: I am the next to youngest. My whole family is a s**t show, but when I was planning my wedding, I was still trying to pretend I had a reasonable family. My future husband's family was like Leave it to Beaver.
So I asked both of my sisters to be bridesmaids. I knew this was a risk, but I hoped they could keep their s**t together for a single evening. At the time, I thought they had.
About 8 years later, we were in the same city because one of our brothers was in the hospital due to a bad car accident. We had one hotel room across the street from the hospital so people could go rest when they needed to.
I was in that room with my oldest sister when she said, "You know {middle sister} stole wine glasses from your wedding, right?" I told her I didn't care.
A couple of hours later, I was in that room with my middle sister. She said, "You know {older sister} stole glasses from your wedding, right?" I also told her I didn't care.
So here we are, waiting to see if our brother was going to die and both of these b**ches are playing reindeer games with me, trying to make me be angry with the other one.
Our brother lived. I've cut contact with all my siblings because they are all like this. They have to start s**t no matter what the situation or consequences.
22points
#19
So late to this....my sister is narcissistic, but also hits points for borderline and historic personal disorder. I prefer to say that she is just a d**k.
1) She conducted a lot of her abuse under my parents' noses. She got me alone, made horrifying comments (the earliest I remember was that she would strip me naked and tie me to a lampost, I was about 6, she was 13), berate me (this lasted well into her twenties), sulked and conducted the silent treatment. She used to phone me up in my first year of university to berate me because she had a bad day at work.
2) I have a lot of her behaviour on justnofamily.....my favourite is when she told me that it is harder to be the loved one of someone who has an eating disorder, than to have an eating disorder...
3) She was banned from family therapy when I was in hospital for my eating disorder. She was led to believe that it was because she lived far away. In reality, it was because the two trained therapists said she couldn't take part anymore because she used previous sessions to berate and abuse me.
4) She came to visit me in hospital. She was overheard by two patients and kitchen staff lecturing me on the fact that because I had an eating disorder, she wasn't going to have children. This went on for an hour, they reported her to the psychiatric team. She is now, unsurprisingly, a mother.
5) She threatened to self harm because there was a miscommunication over what my parents would give her boyfriend - now husband - for Christmas.
There is so much more. But I choose to laugh at her now. I see how pathetic her attempts at her, and I often speak to her as I would a small child (or indeed her own children). She is a good mother, I will say - though I am preparing for when they grow up and develop their own opinions. I'll be there when that happens.
My mum loves her and is still trying. My dad finds her irritating but goes along with it for the sake of the grandchildren, whom he adores, and my mother. My sister knows this and plays this to her full advantage.
My advice for anyone in this situation?
1) Do not try to change them, do not force an apology. You already know how this goes. There is no reckoning, no dressing down. They will not see the light or change their ways. They don't care and they won't understand.
2) Information diet. My sister knows barely anything about my life, because she is so self obsessed that she barely asks. I withhold however, actively. She does not deserve the privilege of knowing what goes on in my life, about how great it is going or how hard I have worked. She will ruin it or dampen it.
3) Learn to grey rock. Learn to ignore, to raise eyebrows and change the subject.
4) Therapy is a given.
After all these changes....I feel so free! I set firm boundaries that she is not allowed to cross. I do not give her explanations or reasons. I don't fight her. I tell my colleagues and friends about her, because she is objectively so hilarious in her ignorance and lack of empathy. Her abuse of me is no longer secret and so she has no power left. I still get scared and anxious, but I know that I can handle her. I also know that deep down, she is empty and insecure and unhappy. I am, after a long journey, a fighter, independent, empathetic and fulfilled.
Siblings of abusers - you've got this.
1) She conducted a lot of her abuse under my parents' noses. She got me alone, made horrifying comments (the earliest I remember was that she would strip me naked and tie me to a lampost, I was about 6, she was 13), berate me (this lasted well into her twenties), sulked and conducted the silent treatment. She used to phone me up in my first year of university to berate me because she had a bad day at work.
2) I have a lot of her behaviour on justnofamily.....my favourite is when she told me that it is harder to be the loved one of someone who has an eating disorder, than to have an eating disorder...
3) She was banned from family therapy when I was in hospital for my eating disorder. She was led to believe that it was because she lived far away. In reality, it was because the two trained therapists said she couldn't take part anymore because she used previous sessions to berate and abuse me.
4) She came to visit me in hospital. She was overheard by two patients and kitchen staff lecturing me on the fact that because I had an eating disorder, she wasn't going to have children. This went on for an hour, they reported her to the psychiatric team. She is now, unsurprisingly, a mother.
5) She threatened to self harm because there was a miscommunication over what my parents would give her boyfriend - now husband - for Christmas.
There is so much more. But I choose to laugh at her now. I see how pathetic her attempts at her, and I often speak to her as I would a small child (or indeed her own children). She is a good mother, I will say - though I am preparing for when they grow up and develop their own opinions. I'll be there when that happens.
My mum loves her and is still trying. My dad finds her irritating but goes along with it for the sake of the grandchildren, whom he adores, and my mother. My sister knows this and plays this to her full advantage.
My advice for anyone in this situation?
1) Do not try to change them, do not force an apology. You already know how this goes. There is no reckoning, no dressing down. They will not see the light or change their ways. They don't care and they won't understand.
2) Information diet. My sister knows barely anything about my life, because she is so self obsessed that she barely asks. I withhold however, actively. She does not deserve the privilege of knowing what goes on in my life, about how great it is going or how hard I have worked. She will ruin it or dampen it.
3) Learn to grey rock. Learn to ignore, to raise eyebrows and change the subject.
4) Therapy is a given.
After all these changes....I feel so free! I set firm boundaries that she is not allowed to cross. I do not give her explanations or reasons. I don't fight her. I tell my colleagues and friends about her, because she is objectively so hilarious in her ignorance and lack of empathy. Her abuse of me is no longer secret and so she has no power left. I still get scared and anxious, but I know that I can handle her. I also know that deep down, she is empty and insecure and unhappy. I am, after a long journey, a fighter, independent, empathetic and fulfilled.
Siblings of abusers - you've got this.
22points
#20
One of my older siblings k**led his neighbor’s cat because the cat would come in to his yard. So one day he trapped the cat and put him in a sack and beat it with a bat. At the time I was 15 and idolized him so I didn’t know the severity of what he did. He’s k**led other animals, he took another neighbor’s dog and dumped him in town 50 miles away just because the dog would bark sometimes.
He’s an evil sadistic a*****e. But tell that to my parents and other siblings and they defend him to the end.
He’s an evil sadistic a*****e. But tell that to my parents and other siblings and they defend him to the end.
22points