It sounds bad, but many people still hold onto outdated assumptions that say males should only be responsible for providing for their families while women should stay at home with their infants and take care of them. While that used to be the case before, everything has changed and now women can provide for their families while men can be great stay-at-home dads.
In fact, this Reddit couple decided that this model would work the best for them. However, 2 months later, the man's opinion shifted and he decided that maybe he wants to be the one who provides for the family after all.
More info: Reddit
Some women prefer to be stay-at-home-moms, while others like their jobs and can’t wait to be back after maternity leave
Image credits: Arina Krasnikova (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that she earns more money than her husband, thus when she got pregnant, they decided that her husband would be staying with their baby at home
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
However, 2 months later, her husband changed his mind and started saying that she should quit her job and he could provide for them, with which the woman didn’t agree
Image credits: u/Pretty_Cycle_3807
She noted that since then, they have been fighting about it, she was called a bad mom but still can’t understand what changed
One Reddit user took her story online, asking the community members of one of the most judgmental communities if she was being a jerk for refusing to quit her job to look after her baby as her husband changed his mind. The post received a lot of attention and accumulated more than 17.6K upvotes and 7.5K comments.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by sharing that she is a lawyer, earns more money than her husband and actually likes her job, while he hates his. Due to these reasons, when OP became pregnant, they decided that the husband would be staying at home with the baby. However, 2 months after their baby’s birth, OP’s husband started saying that she should quit her job and take care of the baby.
The woman didn’t agree with it as there is not even one reason why it would be a good idea. She added that since then, her husband has called her a ‘bad mom’ and they have been fighting about it a lot as he kept bringing it up. OP is confused, as he was the one who wanted a child and assured her that he would be happy to be a stay-at-home dad.
Community members backed up the woman and discussed that her husband did a bait-and-switch and is now trying to manipulate her into doing what he wants, or doesn't want to admit that he can’t hack it as a stay-at-home dad. “NTA. So he wants to be broke and lazy? Hire a nanny and a lawyer,” one user wrote. “He found out staying home and taking care of a baby is actually work,” another added.
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)
“I believe societal norms have a large role in setting expectations for gender roles: men as the protectors and income earners and women as the nurturers and caretakers,” shared Julie Shafer, PhD, who is a psychologist and relationship coach, with Bored Panda. “While the influence of norms feels subtle, and as individuals we may not be consciously aware of them, they have an outsized role in what we expect others to say and do in various situations.”
She adds that norms feel obvious and ‘normal’ to people, so they don’t see that things can be done different ways and still have a good outcome.
Now, speaking about the impact of labeling someone, in this case calling a woman a ‘bad mom’ for not quitting her job, Julie notes that it’s never a good sign and suggests an immature attempt to manipulate the other party. “As a therapist, (assuming I was seeing both parties) I would drill down into the underlying fear and anxiety the husband is feeling.”
Julie emphasized that while this behavior is harmful and uncalled for, it’s also a sign that there is more going on than he’s saying. “I would encourage him to talk to his wife more about his feelings, rather than being so hurtful and acting out.”
Finally, I am sure many of us have heard or even experienced shifts in self-identity and communication with partners after becoming parents. The psychologist points out that men go from being men to fathers, while women's identities will shift into the mothering role. “When we shift roles, we shift how we communicate and what we think of as acceptable behavior.”
Additionally, the shift in identity and resulting communication can be either subtle or great, depending on how uncomfortable individuals are with the shift. “In the case of this story, it seems that the father is uncomfortable with his new role as a stay-at-home dad and his anxiety about fulfilling that role is creating conflict with his wife because he is not talking about his feelings, he is acting them out.”
And what do you guys think about this whole situation? What do you think is the reason for the man's sudden change of heart? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors stood on the woman's side and discussed that her husband is being a jerk
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
