The miracle of life is a beautiful thing. Well, the love between parents and their children is a beautiful thing. The actual act of childbirth? That’s pretty traumatic. But it’s important to know exactly what you’re getting yourself into before having kids, and that’s why reproductive rights activist Abigail Porter has created “The List.”
Over the last few years, Porter has dedicated her time to compiling over 100 “reasons not to have kids” on TikTok. From the overwhelming expenses to the havoc pregnancy can wreak on women’s bodies, we’ve gathered the full list below, as well as some of Abigail’s videos. I’ll warn you right now that this content is not for those with weak stomachs. But if you plan on having children, this is the reality! And keep reading to find conversations with Abigail and Therese Shechter, director and producer of the documentary My So-Called Selfish Life.
It's important to know what you're getting yourself into before deciding to start a family
Image credits: Anna Civolani / unsplash (not the actual photo)
So reproductive rights activist Abigail Porter has compiled a comprehensive list of "reasons not to have kids"
Part 1: Pregnancy
1. Morning sickness.
2. You can become allergic to your own skin. It’s called pemphigoid gestationis and it effects about 1 in 50,000 pregnancies.
3. You can’t choose how many babies you have. Imagine you finally decide you’re ready to have a kid and then BOOM, triplets. That’s triple the finances, triple the mouths to feed, and triple the stress!
4. MANY women lose their teeth during and after pregnancy. Babies need a lot of calcium to grow their skeletons, and if there isn’t enough calcium in the woman’s diet, the baby will take the calcium from the mother’s bones. They literally steal your bones to make their own.
5. Babies sometimes grind their gums together in the womb and you can HEAR THEM doing it.
6. Fetuses in the womb will grow hair called lanugo all over their bodies in order to help keep them warm. Eventually the fetus will shed that hair and eat it. For the first few days of their life, a babies poop is made out of mostly hair and amniotic fluid. Ew.
7. A woman grew warts and blisters all over her body because her pregnant body started to reject the years-old ink from her tattoos.
8. Babies kicking and moving around in the womb isn’t always “cute.” Sometimes it looks like an alien is trying to brutally claw their way out of the body. And apparently it HURTS.
9. You can become allergic to the baby’s pee when it’s inside you which makes your insides feel “itchy.”
10. One woman said the baby felt like a “bag of snakes” inside her.
11. You can grow pregnancy tumors in your mouth called pyogenic granulomas.
Image credits: Global_Ground1873
12. Your toenails can get really soft and break or even fall completely off.
13. It’s very common for the 2 muscles that run down the middle of your stomach to separate during pregnancy. It’s called diastasis recti and your can put your fingers into the separation.
14. You can develop an allergy to your pets while pregnant. This one is an absolute deal breaker for me, my 2 cats are my babies.
15. When babies “kick,” they can actually bruise you from the inside.
16. Pregnancy nose (due to hormone changes, the nose swells up pretty significantly).
17. It’s possible to become so constipated during pregnancy that the poop has to come out the other end. Pregnant people have literally puked their own poop.
18. One mom developed asthma from her baby kicking her lungs so often inside her.
19. Chromhidrosis is a rare condition commonly associated with pregnancy where your sweat can turn colors. This can dye your clothing, your bed sheets, and even your toilet seat blue, green, yellow, brown, or even black.
20. Preeclampsia and all of it’s symptoms (headaches that don't go away, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, pain, sudden weight gain, trouble breathing, edemas, and more).
21. Stone Babies. Calcified fetuses that, if undetected, can stay in your body for your entire life. A woman was “pregnant” with a stone baby for over 40 years.
22. Baby kicks feel like diarrhea at first.
23. Your belly can stretch so far that your belly button completely disappears.
24. “Morning” sickness is not limited to mornings.
25. You can get pregnant… while you’re pregnant. It’s called a “superfetation” pregnancy. One surrogate mother was pregnant with someone else’s baby and then got pregnant with her own baby 6 months later!
26. Blood volume during pregnancy increases by 45%. You have almost a gallon more blood in your body while pregnant.
Part 2: Childbirth
Image credits: Jonathan Borba
27. The longest recorded labor in history was 75 DAYS LONG.
28. Most people poop on themselves and the delivery table during childbirth.
29. One woman in my TikTok comment section died twice during childbirth. She died. Twice.
30. Ekane (a popular TikToker and mother) said she has been shot 3 times and she prefers getting shot to contractions.
31. It’s possible to push so hard during contractions that you detach your retinas.
32. It’s also possible for your entire eyeball to pop out during labor.
33. The size of an average uterus before vs after giving birth (forget about “bouncing back, it’s literally impossible):
Image credits: drjenniferlincoln
34. Episiotomies. They cut your vaginal hole opening with scissors to make it easier for the baby’s head to come through.
35. FORCEP. ASSISTED. DELIVERY. Also known as “The Salad Tongs”
36. Your bladder can be traumatized by the pressure of birth and it can cause your pee hole to swell shut. It can make peeing painful or, in extreme cases, impossible!
37. The blood vessels in your eyes can rupture if you push too hard during childbirth.
38. After you deliver the baby, you have to deliver the placenta. According to some, this feels like pushing a warm jellyfish the size of a handbag out of your vagina.
39. Cervical ripening balloons (used for mechanical dilation) .
40. Your vagina can fall out. It can fall out during birth or it can fall out years down the line.
41. Your butthole can rip open during childbirth.
42. This woman was billed over $50,000 for her postpartum hospital stay.
43. Human heads have evolved at an extremely rapid rate, which is why humans have a much higher childbirth mortality rate than other mammals. Baby heads are literally too big for our tiny bipedal pelvises!
44. When necessary, a nurse might shove their entire fist into your vagina to prevent you from hemorrhaging during childbirth.
45. Epidurals. Many people are under the impression that epidurals are an anesthetic shot you get in your back once before labor happens. Epidurals are actually a small catheter and TUBE that stays in your back for your entire labor, continuously pumping you with anesthesia. Which brings me to the next bullet point…
46. The epidural needle.
47. Your epidural is also plugged into the wall, which means it can be unplugged. One woman on TikTok said her husband unplugged her epidural during labor in order to charge his phone, then called her dramatic when she said she was in pain.
48. One woman’s nurse tripped over her epidural while it was in her back. She has lifelong back pain now.
49. Another woman’s epidural caused her to lose the urge to pee for 6 months after birth. She peed herself constantly. Yeah… that’s enough about epidurals.
Part 3: Postpartum & the Newborn Phase
Image credits: Isaac Taylor
50. Hemorrhoids.
51. Nausea.
52. PINWORMS.
53. Postpartum stink. Apparently you stink BAD after childbirth. It’s been described to me as a sort of sweet rotting smell.
54. When babies get congested, they can’t blow their own noses. So you have to suck out their snot through a special straw and try your best not to accidentally swallow it. It’s disgusting.
55. Speaking of sucking things out… let’s talk mastitis. Mastitis is an inflammation or infection of breast tissue that can cause pain, redness, swelling, and warmth. It can also cause flu-like symptoms such as fever, chills, body aches, and headache. One woman had a strawberry-sized mastitis clot that her husband sucked out of her boob for her. How kind of him…
56. Tantrums.
57. Sometimes babies bite too hard when breastfeeding and turn your breast milk pink with blood. And then they drink it. Like tiny little vampires. Renesmee would love it.
58. You have to be the one to clean up their throw up. And they are going to throw up… a lot.
59. If you have emetophobia… just forget about it (it's fear of vomiting).
60. Say goodbye to your bladder functionality. Many people who have given birth have to wear diapers for weeks and years, and some are unable to hold their pee when they sneeze or laugh for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.
61. Milk doesn’t just come from your breasts while breastfeeding. It can come out of your armpits too.
62. There’s a formula shortage which makes formula extremely hard to find and EXTREMELY expensive.
63. Say goodbye to sleeping regularly for the rest of your life.
64. Babies can occasionally be born without the instinct to eat, which means they get hungry and cry for hours on end but still won’t eat.
65. Diaper blowouts. Any time, anywhere.
66. Breastfeeding mothers leak when they hear babies cry in public. And it’s not just a few drops. This video shows just how much milk can start pouring out.
67. You probably won’t be able to fit in your old clothes anymore, which means you have to replace all your entire closet which is EXPENSIVE.
68. Female babies can sometimes be born with milk inside their boobs, and you have to milk them. Sometimes they have periods too.
69. This TikTok comment:
70. Babies can be born with teeth. It’s as terrifying as it sounds. And don’t even think about the implications of breastfeeding a baby with teeth…
71. Postpartum hair loss.
72. This TikTok comment:
73. Sometimes during tantrums, newborns can forget to breathe which can cause them to pass out.
74. Cradle cap (it's a skin condition that shows up as crusty or oily scaly patches on the baby's head).
Part 4: The Toddler Phase
Image credits: 𝗗 𝗨 𝗬 𝗛 𝗢 𝗔 𝗡 𝗚
75. Babies turn into TODDLERS. And then toddlers turn into teenagers. And teenagers turn into adults.
76. This kid used the carpeted stairs as toilet paper.
77. Kids sometimes use their own poop as art supplies.
78. One kid stole her mom’s Vaseline and used it to sooth her sore butthole after she used the bathroom. Her mom continued to use that Vaseline as CHAPSTICK. She’d been breaking out for weeks and had no idea why…
79. You have to fill your days with activities with for your kids. Say goodbye to your hobbies and free time, because your kids want to go to the park.
80. This woman’s child eats the plaster off her walls and she has to constantly replaster them.
81. Kids are expensive. The hospital bills alone are too much to handle, not to mention it’s an extra mouth to feed for 18+ years, tuition payments, doctors appointments, an extra seat on a plane whenever you want to go somewhere, an extra room to rent, clothes to buy (which they’re constantly growing out of), etc.
82. One mom on TikTok had to replace her TV 3 times in 2 years
83. A human bite is the second most dangerous bite there is because of the unique bacteria in saliva. Toddlers like to bite things. In rare cases, without proper treatment, this can be fatal.
84. Kids stuff (toys, clothes, dishware, necessities) ruins your aesthetic. Who remembers the sad beige mom incident?
85. Kids will turn the backseat of your car into a scientific anomaly with their snack crumbs and puke and sticky fingers.
86. Tantrums in the grocery store are embarrassing.
87. Impetigo
88. You can never poop in peace ever again. Your kids will always follow you into the bathroom, or need something from you right when you get comfortable, or make a huge mess while you’re taking care of business in the other room.
89. Children get REALLY mad when anyone other than themselves gets to blow out birthday candles. Once you have kids you have to decide between blowing out your own birthday candles or dealing with a tantrum.
90. You’ll find their toys EVERYWHERE. This mom was literally attacked by her son’s toy car. And someone in the comments added this:
91. One brave soul shared in my Instagram DMs that once when they were a kid they peed inside the heating vents (which are very difficult to clean) and therefore their entire house smelled like pee for years.
92. Overstimulation. Dealing with the “mommy? mommy? mommy?” of it all… no thanks.
93. Kids on flights. Keeping them entertained, quiet, fed, and calm for who knows how many hours?
94. This kid got a mouse trap stuck in his hair with a dead mouse STILL IN IT.
95. In a now deleted video, a mom from TikTok explained that her kids had a “vomit party” which is exactly what it sounds like. They intentionally chugged water and threw it up, for fun.
96. This kid made her mother deaf by accidentally kissing her ear with too much suction.
97. Day care can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars per year. Essentially, you have to be earning well above the average American income for day care to be worth it and affordable.
98. Children throw up everywhere. Including on your food. Hopefully you notice before you accidentally eat it unlike this mom.
99. This kid tried to serve her mom “tea”:
100. Kids ALWAYS cut their own hair and end up looking insane for a few months.
101. This mom’s kids used her makeup brushes to clean poop out of their shoes. And she didn’t notice. And then she USED THE BRUSHES.
102. This kid glued her mom’s Roku remote to a table with nail glue.
Abigail has also reacted to many videos she's been tagged in that feature even more reasons not to have kids
Many adults today enjoy the benefits of being childfree
According to the Pew Research Center, 47% of adults between the ages of 18 and 49 in the United States say they’re unlikely to ever have kids. Meanwhile, in 2018, only 37% of adults under 50 felt that way. And when it comes to why these adults aren’t interested in starting families of their own, 57% say that they simply don’t want to.
44% cite wanting to focus on other things, while 38% note concerns about the state of the world. And over a third admit that they can’t afford to take on the financial burden of having children. While some parents might assume that childfree adults are missing out by not having kids of their own, the reality is that many of them enjoy the benefits of not being parents.
80% of childfree adults under the age of 50 say that they have more time for their hobbies and interests, and 79% note that they’re able to afford the things they want. Three quarters of these adults without kids also say they’ve been able to save for the future, and 61% note that they’ve had success in their job or career that might have been more difficult to accomplish with kids in the picture.
And of course, there's no getting around the financial burden if you choose to become a parent. According to Investopedia, the average American middle class family will spend about $310,605 raising a child up until the age of 17. And if they want to pay for that kid’s college education, well, they can expect to be saddled with another $100,000 bill. Considering the fact that over three quarters of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, it’s no wonder that many have been turned off to the idea of having kids.
"Women deserve to know exactly what they're choosing when they make the choice to have kids"
To find out more about "The List" and how it started in the first place, we got in touch with Abigail via email, who was kind enough to share more details about the project. "I was always blown away when I learned something new and shocking about pregnancy and childbirth on the internet," the creator says. "And for years, I thought to myself: 'How did I not know this? Why aren't we talking about things like this, especially when so many women give birth every day?'"
"One day, I decided that we absolutely should be talking about these things, because women deserve to know exactly what they're choosing when they make the choice to have kids. I had no idea this concept would resonate with so many women, but the first ever video I made about it got over 6 million views and is still one of my most-watched videos to date," Abigail told Bored Panda. "From that day on, I've been 'The Girl With The List.'"
We were also curious about Abigail's favorite or top reasons not to have kids. "For me, the ability to be spontaneous and adventurous without having to worry about things like hiring a babysitter or getting a nanny is one of my top reasons for not having kids," she shared.
"I love to travel, I love to go out with my friends, and I love spontaneous date nights with my boyfriend. The added stress of needing to schedule these types of things around nap time or soccer practice is not for me. Financial and physical freedom is very important to me," the creator explained.
"Parenting is one of the most challenging experiences this life has to offer, and we should all be able to accept or decline that challenge without shame or judgement"
Image credits: Vidal Balielo Jr. / pexels (not the actual photo)
As for why it's so important to discuss these issues, Abigail says she's extremely passionate about informed consent. "I believe every woman should know exactly what she's getting into before she gets pregnant. She should know the good and the bad. Parenting is one of the most challenging experiences this life has to offer, and we should all be able to accept or decline that challenge without shame or judgement," she told Bored Panda.
"I think a lot of people have kids without realizing how challenging it is, because it's treated as a natural next step in life that 'everyone takes at some point.' But that's not the truth, 20% of women in the US between the ages 40-44 don't have children, and many never will," Abigail noted.
But of course, not everyone is supportive of Abigail's message. So we wanted to know how she feels about viewers who assume that she's anti-children just because she's childfree. "I think it's very silly when people assume I hate children just because I don't want my own," she shared. "I have many friends and family who are parents, and I love hanging out with their children from time to time."
"People who get offended by my videos clearly haven't seen enough of them, because I am very clear on my stance. I can't wait for the day I have nieces and nephews, because I am going to be an AMAZING 'cool aunt,'" she added.
"You don't owe anyone a baby"
We also got in touch with award-winning filmmaker Therese Shechter to hear her thoughts on being childfree. Therese's most recent project was the documentary My So-Called Selfish Life, which addresses one of our greatest social taboos: choosing not to become a mother.
"I always knew I didn’t want to have kids," the filmmaker shared. "My mother tells this story in my film: When I was in high school, I told her that if she wanted grandchildren, she’d have to speak to my sister and not me. She took it in stride. Happily for everyone, my sister, who always wanted to be a mother, had two great kids, and my parents are the coolest grandparents."
We were also curious about Therese's favorite parts of being childfree. "Being childfree and mostly single in my 20s and 30s gave me the freedom to make big bold decisions about my future, like moving to a different country and totally changing careers," she told Bored Panda.
"The media often uses the term 'childfree lifestyle,’ which makes it sound like I’m drinking champagne on my solid gold yacht. But for me, this choice is no frivolous thing. It’s the precious ability to live the life that’s best for me," Therese continued. "I’d like to think most everyone would want this, to live authentically and joyfully, whether they want children or not."
"When women have control over their reproductive lives and futures, powerful things happen"
As for what the filmmaker recommends people consider before deciding to have kids, she says, "Ask yourself whether this is something you personally want. Or is it something you are doing because your partner or friends or family or culture or religion want you to do it? There is so much social pressure on women to have children, but it should always be a freely-made choice, not a duty. You don't owe anyone a baby."
And if you're on the fence about having kids, Therese shared that, "Ambivalence is a perfectly fine place to be for a while, because bringing a new human into this world is such a huge and profound thing. You need to be sure it's what you want. The 'regretting motherhood’ groups on Reddit and Facebook are real eye-openers. Children can bring a great deal of joy, and they deserve parents who plan for them and truly want them."
Finally, the filmmaker added, "When women have control over their reproductive lives and futures, powerful things happen."
We would love to hear your thoughts on "The List" in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing similar issues, we recommend reading this one next!
Many viewers appreciate Abigail's dedication to "The List," and some contribute "reasons not to have kids" of their own
However, not all viewers appreciate Abigail's videos
