40 People Open Up About What Makes Them Silently Judge People

Psychologist Lee, the founder of Essentialise Workplace Wellbeing and PhenomGames, revealed to Bored Panda some of the reasons why we judge other people.

"Sometimes, we judge others to feel superior ourselves, finding faults in others, highlighting them, and feeling better about ourselves in the process. Sometimes, we use it to work out where we fit in, recognizing how we want to be, where our aspirations lie, and how we don't want to become," he said.

"Sometimes, it's in response to our own flaws, and we attack others for what we don't like or don't see into ourselves. And on other occasions, it's to fit into a wider group who judge something or someone, and we conform and perform with the same judgment."

According to Lee, being judgmental can be good and it "does have some benefits when used mindfully," however.

"It can help us to set goals, find alignment with our values, it can help us to build the self-awareness of others and it can boost our self-esteem," he told Bored Panda.

"Add to that it can also help us to make positive social choices, and it's understanding how and why we judge that gives us the ability to use it for our benefits instead of escaping our flaws or pulling others down."

Far from everyone makes errors with malicious intent. Quite often, people aren’t even aware that they’re making a mistake. Or they might not think that something that elicits judgment (like parking wrong or being late to meet someone all the friggin’ time) is actually that big of a deal. It’s selfishness and we’ve all got that, just in varying amounts.

We know that being self-aware of our own flaws is difficult. For one, nobody likes thinking that they’re less than perfect. Besides, we don’t have the luxury of seeing our behavior from a different perspective. That’s why it’s important to speak up if you see someone constantly making the same mistakes.

If you don’t hear any criticism about what you do, then it’s only natural to assume you’re ‘perfect’ and ‘flawless.’ If there’s no feedback, how can we expect someone to learn? Overly selfish people don’t change their ways at the drop of a hat. It takes a series of moments of clarity to get them to think that maybe—just maybe—they might need to rethink some things. However, some individuals find it hard to get past the embarrassment that comes from realizing they’ve been making mistakes.

"We spend a lot of time and effort presenting an ideal version of ourselves to other people. When something happens that contrasts with the image we’ve been projecting—when we say or do something that shows we actually aren’t as graceful or as smart as we’d like people to believe—we feel embarrassed," Vanessa Bohns from Cornell University explained to Bored Panda.

"Discovering you were wrong about something most everyone else around you has long known to be true is one of those moments. In that moment we learn, 'Wait a minute, maybe I haven’t been presenting the image of being smart or worldly that I thought I was presenting all this time,' which is embarrassing."

One powerful way to change for the better is to become kinder, more altruistic, more giving. And there’s an added benefit, too—you’ll become happier while making the world a better place.

"The 10 keys to happier living are giving, relating, exercising, awareness, trying out, direction, resilience, emotions, acceptance, and meaning. We are likely to be happier if our lives have direction, meaning, and purpose and if we are part of something bigger than ourselves," Sarah Vero from ‘Action for Happiness’ told Bored Panda.

"Think about how you can reach out and do things for others, help a neighbor or volunteer for a cause, we get happiness high from helping other people. Or start small and simply list three things that you can be grateful for each night before bed. Take it slow and be kind to yourself,” she suggested how people can learn to open up to new experiences and helping others.