People experience different things at different times during their lives, and that, for the most part, is acceptable. Yes, for the most part. Unfortunately, some adventures seem to be kind of rushed. Like sexual/romantic experiences -- people are expected to have had these at a certain age, and if they haven't... well, that makes them weird in people's eyes, even if for no proper reason.
Recently, well-known actor Rebel Wilson revealed that she lost her virginity at 35, way later than "usual," which prompted discussions online. Today's video is part of this discussion, and frankly, it's very empowering.
More info: TikTok
A woman posted a video response to Rebel Wilson's reveal about losing her virginity at 35, telling her own similar story and creating a safe space for others to also do so
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
"Hi, my name is Allora. I lost my virginity and didn't start dating, actually, at all until the age of 32"
"And I want to talk about this recent clip from Rebel Wilson on the Jimmy Fallon show. Now, here's the thing. It has been headline news since Rebel announced her book, and this little snippet went viral that she lost her virginity at 35. And even when she's talking about it in this clip, you can kind of tell, not that she's embarrassed about it, but it's still a little uncomfortable, probably, for her to talk about. And I feel like Jimmy Fallon doesn't even know how to handle it. Like he kind of makes a joke. He always makes jokes, but the exchange just is a little bit awkward.
"When I started making videos about my dating journey in January of last year, I accidentally became one of the loudest voices for shutting [down the] Late Bloomers' stigma on the internet right now. To the point that the New York Post just interviewed me and asked my opinion on Rebel's book and, specifically, her talking about being a 35-year-old late bloomer, and slightly inaccurate, I'm no longer a virgin, but what I will say this gets right is -- I am no longer embarrassed about that. So let's talk about it."
Image credits: alloradannon
"What I wish Rebel and others [who] may be new to the late bloomer community [knew] is that this is a far more standard experience than most people realize"
"But because it's not talked about, and because there's such a stigma, regardless of your gender, or sexual sexuality, about not getting those firsts in at like a normal age, people just don't know. I did not know that there were other late bloomers. Anyone that had an experience like mine.
"Until I was 30, I thought I was the only person in the whole world who had never been kissed, never had sex, never had been in a relationship. I had no idea, and it wasn't until I downloaded TikTok, when everyone was downloading TikTok in 2020, and heard another TikToker talking about it, that I had any idea that I wasn't alone.
"For that reason, I'm delighted that Rebel came out and talked about this because people are shocked, right? They're shocked that someone who is so gorgeous and so successful, and who has lived such a big and interesting life, had her first sexual experience later in life. And that is a part of the stigma. People assume that because if you have not had this really, like, normal part of the human experience, experiencing, expressing your sexuality, that there must be something wrong with you, right? That you must be unlovable, or grotesque, or somehow unworthy. And when they find out instead that maybe somebody just didn't have the opportunity, didn't meet someone that they wanted to share that experience with."
Image credits: alloradannon
"Maybe they were putting their energy into having this big, beautiful life, and they just didn't know how to approach this aspect -- having a relationship, having a sexual experience"
"And the longer you go without having it, the more embarrassed that you feel about talking about it, the longer it becomes a really deep, dark secret, which it was for me. It felt like I was carrying around the weight of this, like, horrendous secret. And if anyone ever found out that this was my experience, I had no experience, that I would be made fun of or ostracized because that's how it's tackled in popular culture."
Image credits: alloradannon
"So, I hope people realize Rebel Wilson is more than someone who experienced sexuality in her 30s for the first time. She has lived a big, huge, interesting life"
"I cannot wait to read her memoir. But, in general, I just want people to know that this is a far more normal experience, a life experience, and it is shared by so many people. That is something that changed my life when I found out about it. If I, if just even one person had talked about this in a positive way when I was a younger person, it would have changed the whole course of my life. If just one person had said, 'It's okay if this hasn't happened for you yet. It will one day. But it's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not unworthy. You're not unwanted.'"
"If just one person had said that, it would have saved me, not from the loneliness that comes when you're a single person and you want so badly to be in a relationship. It wouldn't have saved me from that, but it would have saved me from that isolation I felt and that certainty that I must be a monster because otherwise, why else had this happened to me? So, I absolutely cannot wait to read 'Rebel Rising,' but not just because [of] Rebel coming out as a late bloomer. It's because Rebel Wilson is a super interesting person and I can't wait to read about the rest of her life.
"And also, I want [you] to know, anyone hearing that headline for the first time, anyone seeing that clip for the first time -- your lack of experience is not a joke. It's okay that it hasn't happened for you yet."
Image credits: alloradannon
"Your life can change at any moment, which I will tell you -- life came at me hard and fast last year, but you're normal. You're worthy of love, and you cannot be late for your own life"
"So, I know this is like a weak platitude, but don't stress about it. There are more of us than you know. So, welcome Rebel, and I can't wait to read 'Rebel Rising.'"
Watch the video here:
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
This video was posted by TikTok user Allora Dannon, who, in her bio, describes herself as a “writer, late bloomer, millennial nerd, traveler, and Elvis fan.” If you’re confused about what the late bloomer remark means, well, typically, a late bloomer is someone whose certain capabilities or experiences become visible or happen a little bit later than usual.
So, as it can be understood from the video and the majority of her content, Allora alludes to her being a late bloomer in sexual and romantic experiences. And she’s not ashamed of it because there’s nothing to be ashamed about! Bored Panda reached out to Allora and to a professional sex and relationship educator, Niki Davis-Fainbloom, to discuss this topic a little bit deeper.
Until Allora was 30, she spent time thinking that she was the only romantic late bloomer in the world: “It was so incredibly isolating and painful to see the rest of my friends/family coupling up and hitting relationship milestones I’d never remotely experienced myself.”
So, she started documenting her attempts at dating for three reasons:
- She wanted to shed the shame about her lack of experience in this field: "To make it just another fact about me—like my hair color, or favorite kind of chocolate—and not representative of who I was as a whole person."
- Since dating is scary, she wanted the internet to become her “accountability” partner, something that would inspire her to not give up the moment she got overwhelmed or creeped out on dating apps.
- Sharing her experience helped people feel less alone.
Sadly, Allora experiences a lot of judgment from the late bloomer/virgin stigma. For example, popular culture has turned “being a virgin '' into something laughable, as if only sexual experience determines the value of a person: "People assume there must be something wrong with you, or that you experienced some deep trauma, or that you’ve failed as an adult."
Niki agreed with such a sentiment, saying that societal attitudes and the construct of virginity exert significant pressure on individuals' sexual choices. The stigma of being a virgin influences self-perception, kind of making the personal decision a public matter: “For those who choose to wait, this can result in a navigation of conflicting messages—wherein virginity is simultaneously idealized as a virtue and derided as prudishness.” This can lead a person to feel isolated, just like Allora said she used to feel.
Image credits: Christian Buehner (not the actual photo)
Niki mentioned there are divisive sides to the concept of virginity. On one hand, people are pressured to lose it, and, on the other hand, it’s used as something that a person's “pureness.” In reality, according to the World Health Organization, virginity as a scientific or medical fact doesn’t even exist. Instead, it’s described as a social, cultural, and religious construct that is typically used for discrimination against women to scare them away from sexual experiences so they can remain “pure,” especially before marriage. Kind of messed up, isn’t it?
But, as Niki explained, saving virginity isn’t the only reason why people wait until later in their lives to have sexual experiences: “For many, this choice aligns with a desire for emotional maturity, stability, and a meaningful connection with a partner, reflecting a deeper valuation of relational quality over societal pressures or norms. For others, personal goals and aspirations, including educational and career achievements, often necessitate a focus and dedication that leads some to postpone sexual engagement.”
Allora says that she never consciously decided to wait till her 30s. It just simply didn’t happen to her earlier than that. Yet, it doesn’t diminish her value as a person, nor does it for any other people who have different reasons.
So, the woman thinks that we should strive to normalize the idea that it’s never too late to explore your sexuality: “Late bloomers feel like they can’t speak about their lack of experience without derision because, often, that’s exactly what they’re met with. It’s time to change the narrative around a lack of sexual experience; it’s not a personal failing, just a natural part of the broad scope of human experience.”
Niki agrees with this idea, saying that honest dialogues can provide clarity and confidence for people’s choices. After all, recognizing that sexual activity is a personal decision and that timing varies for everyone can alleviate some of the pressures people are facing. This can be proven by people in the comments under the discussed video -- many of them related to Rebel and Allora, praising the women for opening up about their stories and saying how comforting it is to hear such things from other people.
Niki also advised people to seek supportive communities that respect individual choices. In some cases, consulting therapists or sexual health experts can be a good choice, as they can provide guidance and support in navigating these complex feelings.
There was one phrase Allora said in her video that perfectly encapsulated her message: "You cannot be late for your own life." And she's right, you can't. After all, it's your life, no one else's, and your experiences (or lack of them) are also your own. So, don't be ashamed of the pace you're going at!
"Safest comment section I've ever seen": people in the comments shared their experiences of being late bloomers and praised both the TikToker and Rebel Wilson for opening up
