A relationship is a two-way street, and compromises are often necessary. But sometimes, the lines between meeting halfway and taking too much can be blurry.
That’s what this Reddit user dealt with when she had to adjust her travel plans because her girlfriend feared flying. Traveling 50 hours back and forth by car was the next option, but she would need to drive the entire time because her significant other did not have a license.
The author ultimately decides to take the flight alone, which makes her girlfriend feel abandoned. She now asks the AITAH subreddit if she was a jerk for doing so.
Bored Panda also spoke with Washington, DC-based psychologist Dr. Marie Land to get her input on making compromises in a relationship.
Compromises are key to making a relationship work
Image credits: Atoms / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A woman and her girlfriend were invited on a family trip to a faraway state, but the latter is afraid of flying
Image credits: Peter Fazekas / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Their next option was to travel 50 hours back and forth by car
The author ended up taking a solo flight, which her girlfriend wasn’t pleased with
Image credits: TACarTrip
People often have a misconception about making compromises in a romantic relationship
The author’s girlfriend may have an incorrect notion about making proper compromises in a relationship. According to Dr. Land, these misconceptions happen often because people think compromises should be 50-50. However, this isn’t always the case.
“People have different needs in relationships and different sensitivities,” she said. “What feels fair to one couple might be a 30-70 split, and another might need to meet exactly in the middle.”
Because the definition of compromise is relative, it can be challenging to know if you’re giving too much or too little. But according to Dr. Land, here’s an indicator:
“You feel it consistently. You try to rationalize your choices to other people. You shouldn’t have to defend your choices to those that you care about. They should seem pretty reasonable to your close circle.”
Making blind compromises isn’t the right way to go about it
Trying to meet halfway without thinking things through may not work. According to Dr. Land, the best way to handle disagreements is to deeply understand your partner's current needs. And it's a mistake that couples tend to make.
It's always best to approach a situation with an open mind. In this case, it's dealing with a possible miscommunication.
"As you have conversations, always consider the possibility that you may not understand the intentions or meanings behind your partner's actions, words, or behaviors. Be open to the possibility that you don't totally get them."
Dr. Land says it's completely normal to have these occasional misreads. What's important is how you handle them.
"If you're not sure if you understand them or not, reflect back what you think you just heard while also letting them know to correct you if you got something wrong."
The author's girlfriend could have assessed the situation instead of acting out and giving the silent treatment. By doing so, the unnecessary tension could have been avoided.
What do you think, dear readers? Was the author in the wrong for deciding to leave her girlfriend behind?
Most of the people sided with the author
