Isn’t it funny how traditions work? Someone decides something should happen in a certain way from that moment on, and everybody just rolls with it. But when it becomes part of culture things can get tricky, because tradition hates to be challenged.
That’s the issue facing one woman whose fiancé’s mom and sister feel like their customs should dictate her unborn baby’s life. Now that the couple are pushing back, things have gotten dramatic, so she’s turned to an online community for advice.
Breaking with tradition can be really tough, especially when it’s baked into your family’s culture
Image credits: pressmaster / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One woman, who recently got engaged to her fiancé, was struggling to shake a case of the flu, so he took her to the hospital, where they discovered they were expecting
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When they shared the happy news with his family, everyone was thrilled, until his mom started mentioning a few cultural traditions, like her getting to name their unborn baby
Image credits: Jomkwan / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A few weeks later, the couple went to scan the baby’s gender, which was given to them in a sealed envelope then handed to her sister for safekeeping
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When her fiancé’s mom found out the envelope wasn’t given to her instead, drama erupted, so now the woman’s asked netizens if pushing back on tradition is a jerk move
The original poster (OP) got engaged in December, bride-price negotiations went smoothly, and everything felt like a cultural fairytale with a shiny engagement ring on top. Her future sister-in-law was warm, welcoming, and giving “we’re going to be besties” energy. Two weeks later, the South African couple flew back to the city, blissfully unaware chaos was already warming up backstage.
Well, a bad flu sent OP to the hospital, and surprise! It wasn’t just the sniffles; it was a five-month pregnancy plot twist. No morning sickness, no obvious bump, just vibes. When New Year’s lunch rolled around, they shared the news, and his family were thrilled. Then traditions came up, but OP’s fiancé firmly shut down baby-naming rights.
Back in the kitchen, his sister switched topics to baby showers and gender reveals, sounding supportive and excited. She asked to be involved and OP said sure. All smiles. Cut to the anatomy scan weeks later, the baby’s gender sealed in an envelope and given to OP’s eldest sister for safekeeping. Harmless, right? Apparently not.
OP’s fiancé’s family lost it. His sister claimed exclusion; his mom demanded control. The envelope was now a symbol of betrayal. Her future mother-in-law has since blocked her fiancé, so now OP’s wondering if she’s really the villain, or just one half of a couple caught in a cultural crossfire.
Here’s the thing: OP and her fiancé are going through a challenge many young couples are facing - the clash between cultural and contemporary ideas. Basically, older generations want to stick to traditions, while newer generations want to break with them, or at least redefine them. Let’s dig into it.
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The experts at Cultures explain that the passing on of African values faces major obstacles. The conflict between elders (the guardians of traditions) and youth (attracted to modernity) creates tensions that make navigating this territory tricky.
You see, the whole vibe raises questions about the preservation and reconfiguration of traditional knowledge. Some argue that it’s crucial to create spaces for intergenerational dialogue to ensure an effective passing on of values while still adapting them to the modern context. That way, African culture can evolve while still retaining its essence. Sounds like a win-win, doesn’t it?
So, how does OP move forward? Well, the counseling and wellness pros at The Davis Group have a few useful tips. First and foremost, explore your feelings - writing in a journal, or engaging in any creative outlet really, helps you process your emotions.
Next up, dig deep into your feelings about both cultures that you’re part of, so you can get a crystal-clear idea of your own values. Finally, when you talk to family about customs you’re not comfy with, don’t be afraid to set boundaries. It doesn’t mean you can’t find common ground - you’re just carving out your own path. And that’s OK.
We don’t know if OP’s journaling, but does a Reddit post count? At least she’s trying to find a way through the whole mess... that's more than her fiancé’s family is willing to do. What’s your take? Should the couple cave to the fiancé’s mom’s demands, or is it time to shake that tradition once and for all? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the woman was not the jerk and said this was really her fiancé’s battle to fight
