The parent and child relationship isn’t equal and parents can’t react to their children acting out like they would react to another adult opposing them. You can just remove yourself from a conflict with an adult, but you are still responsible for your child no matter what.
However, this stepdad thought that he would teach his stepdaughter a lesson for calling him a creep by not picking her up from an event at school on a weekend and suggesting that she find another way back home.
Teenagers acting out need discipline, but the method this man chose was criticized both by his girlfriend and redditors
Image credits: Oleksandr Pidvalnyi (not the actual image)
He promised to give his girlfriend's daughter a ride, which he did, but wasn't planning on picking her up to take her home
It was because when she said goodbye to him, the teen called the man "creepy stepdad" in front of her friends
Image credits: u/Rasonable_Mix_9357
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual image)
The man didn't want to be in the same car alone with a teenager who considered him to be creepy
Image credits: u/Rasonable_Mix_9357
However, his decision was met with rage from the teen's mom
The Original Poster’s (OP) stepdaughter is 17 years old and she had a school event at school over the weekend. She asked her stepdad for a ride in advance and he really didn’t mind. The OP thought that they had quite a fun ride to school until Jess said goodbye with a “later, creepy stepdad!”
This confused the stepdad and the best explanation he could give was that it was a joke and Jess tried to show off in front of her friends. But the more he thought about it, the angrier he got about it, because he didn’t want to be the creepy stepdad who forces a teenage girl alone in a car with him.
So he decided not to pick up Jess from her school event and texted her to find someone else to drive her home. Naturally, the daughter complained to her mom, who demanded the OP pick up Jess, but he'd already had a few glasses of alcohol so he wasn’t going to drive.
When the mom came back home and realized that her boyfriend still hadn't picked up Jess, she went to do it herself, despite having her driver’s license suspended. After that, the couple had an argument which implied that the woman didn’t want to live with OP anymore.
After receiving a response from netizens, the OP decided that he should end the relationship and asked the mom and daughter to move out. There were a few things that convinced him.
First of all, people were weirded out that he didn't know the woman’s age. If she hides such a small thing, what else could she be hiding or lying about? They also thought that the woman having a suspended license was a red flag, especially driving with one.
From what they could tell, the woman was irresponsible for losing her license in the first place, driving when she is not allowed to rather than calling an Uber, and for not disciplining her daughter for insulting the person who is doing her a favor.
On the other hand, people were not easy on the OP either, because knowing when to be lenient is a parent’s job and he had already made a promise to the teenager, so he should have kept it, especially when he took her there already.
Image credits: Rosie Ann (not the actual image)
We don’t know what kind of relationship the OP had with the teenager before the incident, but it seemed friendly, as he didn’t think that giving a ride to Jess was a hassle and he mentioned that they had a nice chat on the way. And even though the teen called the OP creepy, she called him a stepdad despite him not being married to her mom.
But becoming a stepparent to a teenager is no easy job because it is a difficult and emotional stage in life when they are forming as a person and such changes as a new parent figure can have a negative reaction.
The National Center for Fathering (NCF) confirms that “Pre-teen and teenage kids can pose a tremendous challenge for stepfathers. As they develop their identity and self-esteem, they are very sensitive to dramatic changes in their family structure and living situations.”
But you still can get along. The organization suggests to “keep expectations low, patience high.” A stepfather might want to have a happy family, but building trust isn’t easy because after all, you are basically a stranger to the kid.
William Strachan, a Certified Family Law Specialist, reminds the stepparent to not get offended if the teenager doesn’t accept them because “they’re not only dealing with raging hormone levels, schoolwork, and relationships but also the fact that their parent has moved on and away from their other parent. Some teens need lots of space and time so they can figure things out.”
In addition to being patient, you must be flexible, NCF says. If you want to enforce rules on children, you first must earn their respect and lead by example as well as respecting the teenagers and hearing out their concerns.
A big mistake to make is to try and substitute the teenager’s father or even criticize him. What the National Center for Fathering suggests instead is to “work on creating your own distinct, healthy relationship with your stepchildren.”
Another important aspect when caring for teenagers is to have a sense of humor. A little bit of light-heartedness makes a parent feel closer and more human and understanding. Parenting Teens and Tweens actually considers it the most important tip because the whole situation is most probably harder for the teenager who is still developing and learning things about themselves, so “Resist the urge to blame all the problems on their behavior (or the co-parents), turn the other cheek as often as possible, and recognize that your actions today will bring a more peaceful tomorrow.”
Do you think the OP overreacted by leaving the teenager without a ride? Do you think the circumstances changed when she insulted him so he had the right to not keep his promise? Do you think the teen’s behavior needed a different disciplining method or did she get what she deserved? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
People in the comments also found it questionable but were more concerned about the relationship between the man and the woman being toxic
Image credits: Anastasiya Gepp (not the actual image)
