The winter holidays are meant to be a time of rest, relaxation, contemplation, and spending quality time with your loved ones. But you and I know that things are rarely that calm. Some folks are incredibly hard to please, and it sometimes seems like their only goal is to spark arguments wherever they can.
One woman, who hosted a casual Christmas dinner for her family, turned to the internet for advice after revealing how it all went downhill. All thanks to her overly judgmental, narcissistic, and toxic mother-in-law, who created problems for everyone out of thin air. You’ll find the full story, including some friendly netizens’ pieces of advice for the author, below.
Sadly, some people don't care much for peace or kindness during the holidays. All they want is to create problems for others and nitpick everything
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman opened up online about how her overly judgmental mother-in-law ruined Xmas dinner for the entire family, and then demanded an apology
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Teona Swift/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Later, the author shared an update with more context about the massive Xmas drama
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The holiday season is very stressful for many people, due to a wide range of reasons, including potential family conflicts
Image credits: Ron Lach/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A recent poll conducted by the American Psychological Association highlights the fact that the holiday season can leave many people overwhelmed.
A whopping 89% of American adults admitted they feel stressed during the holidays due to anticipating family conflict, missing loved ones, or not having enough money.
Around 49% of respondents said their stress levels during the holidays, between November and January, were moderate. However, 41% of US adults revealed that their stress levels increase during this time of the year.
43% of respondents told the APA that their holiday stress interferes with their ability to enjoy them, while 36% said that the holidays actually feel like a competition.
“The holiday season can be both a happy and stressful time of year in part due to expectations to spend time with family and friends, navigate family conflicts, and uphold important traditions,” explains the chief executive officer of the APA, Arthur C. Evans Jr., PhD.
“At this hectic time of year, it is important that people take care of their mental health, especially in communities whose members feel disproportionately burdened or excluded from what is traditionally considered the holiday season.”
There's a huge difference between having standards and intentionally spoiling people's fun
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It’s one thing to have standards and want quality for yourself and your loved ones. It’s another thing entirely to be so incredibly narcissistic, malicious, and judgmental that you nitpick tiny details, spark drama over nothing, and try to ruin other people’s moods.
In the first case, you’re being selective and deliberate for the sake of improving everyone’s experience. In the second case, however, you’re undermining everyone’s festive mood and spoiling their fun.
There’s a time to be judgmental, and it’s not during the holidays when many people are already stressed enough and on edge as it is. On top of that, there are ways to dole out criticism (where it’s genuinely needed) that don’t push people away.
If you genuinely feel that someone has, say, overstepped your boundaries, but you attack them and make them feel like drek for their choices and behavior, naturally, they'll get defensive. You can state your preferences and remind everyone of your basic boundaries in a kind, caring, friendly, even neutral way.
That being said, those preferences have to be, well, reasonable. If you’re intentionally looking for problems where there are none, you’re sending the wrong message. For instance, you might disapprove of your child’s partner so much that you’re willing to unjustly criticize their gracious efforts to host everyone for Christmas.
Or that, maybe, you are so discontent with your personal life that you’ll look for ways to prevent other people around you from feeling happy.
Boundaries are absolutely essential if you want healthy relationships. You have to be willing to show your loved ones that their actions have consequences
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If, unfortunately, you’re dealing with a loved one who sucks the happiness out of the air by their mere presence, healthy boundaries are absolutely vital. Your family member needs to understand that their behavior hurts you, won’t be tolerated, and will have consequences.
So, for instance, if you explain to them that you’ll spend less time with them if they continue behaving in such a highly judgmental, miserable way, you need to follow through with your promise.
If you don’t, they’ll see that you’re not willing to defend your boundaries and will continue behaving like before. By removing yourself from a situation that stresses you out and harms your mental health, you’re creating room to prioritize your well-being.
Meanwhile, the hope is that your loved one will start becoming more aware of how their actions affect the people around them and might take steps to grow and mature as an individual. But of course, that’s not a guarantee.
How would you deal with a family member who is critical of anything and everything that you do? How do you handle conflicts with your in-laws? Were your holidays stressful this year, or did you manage to spend some quality time with your family? Tell us what you think in the comments down below. We can’t wait to see what you have to say.
The host answered some readers' questions in the comments, as her story started going viral
The vast majority of folks were on the author's side and came out to support her
