Having one supportive family member can make all the difference in the world when you feel like everyone is against you. If they’re willing to side with you and risk other people's disapproval, then you know that you can count on them for anything.
The one person who stood up for the poster in this story was her grandma. The woman cared so much about her granddaughter and great-grandchild that she risked offending all her relatives in order to make them feel comfortable.
More info: Reddit
Christmas is supposed to be a time for family to come together and forget their differences, but that isn’t always the case
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster got pregnant at 17, and her mother kicked her out, which is why her uncle and aunt took her in, but she quickly realized they only did that because they wanted her baby
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman did not want to give her baby away, so she left their house, raised her daughter herself, and decided to never contact her mom, aunt, or uncle
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Around her daughter’s 7th birthday, her grandma invited them over for Christmas, but she hesitated in case her aunt and uncle would be there, so her grandma decided to uninvite them
Image credits: anonymous
Despite the poster’s grandma making the decision on her own, her aunt and uncle got mad and accused the poster of being the reason for them getting uninvited from the event
The OP went through a really tough time growing up, right from getting kicked out by her mom for getting pregnant to having to figure out everything on her own. Her aunt and uncle, who she thought were there to unconditionally support her, actually had ulterior motives and wanted her child despite already having a daughter of their own.
The poster had to make the tough decision to leave their house and figure out things by herself. She completed her education, had her daughter, and even got a job. In all those years, she only stayed in touch with her siblings and grandparents and made sure to maintain strong boundaries with her mom, aunt, and uncle.
It’s incredibly tough to deal with such toxic family members, which is why Bored Panda reached out to expert Shikah Anuar for advice. She used to work as a counselor with a government ministry in Singapore. Now, she uses her counseling skills to create workbooks and workshops for life coaches.
Shikah explained that “setting boundaries is easier than we think if we have healthy self-esteem. You have the right to choose to reply to someone’s messages/calls/emails or not. You have the right to say ‘no’ if someone wants a favor from you and you are not ready to offer it. You also have the right to reconcile and get in touch with the other party if you feel that you are ready to do so.”
“Relationships are a two-way effort. If someone has low self-esteem, they may find it difficult to set boundaries. That’s when they may need to seek therapy or start actively learning how to raise their self-worth,” she shared. It seems the poster really stayed strong with her boundaries and made sure to protect her daughter from the problematic family members.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman had kept herself and her daughter away from her family for 7 years until her grandma invited them over for Christmas. The only thing stopping the OP from going was the thought of meeting her aunt and uncle. Amazingly enough, her grandmom decided to prioritize her comfort and safety and uninvited all the toxic relatives.
We asked Shikah if it’s okay for family members to take sides like this in the case of conflict. She said that “it’s not necessary to take sides unless one party is clearly in the wrong. Most of the time, many of us will naturally be on the side of the party who is in the right anyway. In fact, it’s also perfectly fine to be neutral.”
“We can take a step back and understand that people have different values and different opinions. Clashes can happen anywhere, especially if our family members or friends have very strong personalities or are very opinionated,” she explained.
The grandma had definitely picked her granddaughter’s side and did not give a hoot about other people’s opinions. The aunt and uncle, though, could not hold back their anger and called the OP petty and vindictive for getting them uninvited from the event. This incident also left the other family members split on who was right and who was wrong.
When family conflict escalates like this, people might feel pressured to try and keep the peace. Shikah told us that it’s not necessary to heal all relationships and that “being civil and distant can work well if both parties have starkly different values.”
She added that “relationships require the participation of both parties. If one party is not keen to reconcile, there is no point in forcing the relationship to ‘heal.’ Some relationships are meant to be politely distant, some relationships are meant to be ‘unhealed,’ and that’s perfectly fine.”
It seems like even 8 years later, the OP’s aunt and uncle still hold a grudge against her and don’t want to apologize for the way they acted in the past. Knowing all that, I’m sure the Christmas party will be awesome without them there.
People told the poster not to blame herself for her aunt and uncle being uninvited and to value her relationship with her grandma, who was making such an effort
