Treating other people with the dignity and respect they deserve sounds like a no-brainer, right? Unfortunately, some folks like to have their cake and eat it, too. They insult you and then ask for a favor. And then they have the audacity to act surprised when you no longer want to do them any favors.
Redditor u/Equivalent-Kingg went viral after asking the internet for its advice on a very awkward, uncomfortable family situation. She shared how her sister-in-law took great pains to insult her career, only to then ask her to work as an unpaid babysitter. When the author refused, things took an emotional turn for the worse. You’ll find the full story below. Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment. We’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
It's bonkers to insult someone's career and then ask the person for a favor. Right?
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, that's what happened to this woman. She revealed how her sister-in-law had a go at her and was later shocked when she enforced some healthy boundaries
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)
Image source: Equivalent-Kingg
Real friendships require mutual respect, trust, and effort. If you're always giving more than you're getting, the other person may be taking advantage of you
Image credits: Christina @ wocintechchat.com (not the actual photo)
It’s completely common sense to be polite when talking to others. If you have any concerns about your loved one’s career path or life choices, you can raise them in a respectful manner.
However, if all you’re doing is doling out (unproductive) criticism and trying to put them down, that’s not helpful at all. In fact, it seems like you’re boosting your own ego at the expense of someone else’s confidence. In a nutshell, it’s the adult form of bullying. Just a tad more subtle than what happens in schoolyards.
Saying ‘no’ to your family and friends can be incredibly hard. However, enforcing those boundaries is healthy, necessary, and helps protect your interests. In short, you want to live life in a way where your kindness doesn’t constantly come at the expense of your wants and needs. You can be altruistic, so long as you remember to take care of your interests, too.
One good question to ask yourself is, would the person you’re constantly doing favors for do the same for you?
Some other questions you might want to ask include:
- Are they willing to sacrifice their own time, energy, and finances to help you when you need a hand?
- Do they make promises they never keep? Do they keep finding excuses when you need a favor?
- Do they treat you in a way that makes you want to spend time around them? Do they inspire and energize you, or do you feel drained and anxious when you’re around them?
- By helping the other person, are you always placing your needs on the back burner?
- Do they treat you like an actual human being, or do they see themselves as superior?
Friendships are meant to be a two-way street. There’s a give-and-take dynamic at play there that makes things fair. If one person is selfish and also disrespects the other, it shakes the foundations of that relationship.
Boundaries are there for a reason. In fact, they can help strengthen your relationships, making them healthier and fairer
Image credits: LinkedIn Sales Solutions (not the actual photo)
According to Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW, boundaries are the “invisible lines we draw to define acceptable and unacceptable behavior.”
She explains in a piece on Psychology Today that boundaries encompass many things, from how much time we dedicate to others and how we expect to be treated to how much of ourselves we share. Both emotionally and physically.
“They allow us to maintain our sense of self, build trust, and foster healthy, fulfilling relationships. Boundaries can be difficult to set and maintain, but they’re essential in all relationships. Without them, we’re susceptible to mistreatment, manipulation, resentment, and exhaustion,” Martin points out.
Time magazine stresses the fact that it’s vital to communicate your boundaries calmly and clearly. For instance, you could tell the other person that if they say or do one thing, then you will respond by doing something else.
In a nutshell, you’re being transparent, making sure you’re all on the same page, and delineating the consequences that will follow if your boundaries get trampled.
The important thing is to be very clear. This isn’t the time for wishy-washy vagueness or over-the-top politeness. Be friendly but firm. Make sure your needs are heard.
On the flip side, this also means that you should respect the other person’s boundaries, too. Boundaries are an opportunity to strengthen your relationships, rather than damage them.
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? How would you have reacted if you were in the author’s shoes and your sibling-in-law demanded you babysit for them after insulting your career? Has anyone tried to guilt-trip you into working as an unpaid babysitter before? If you’re in the mood for sharing, feel free to visit the comments section at the bottom of this post.
The author shared that she was willing to fight for her mental wellbeing and what's right
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