Children living with stepparents have become quite common in America. Research shows that around 30% of kids will live with a stepparent until they reach adulthood. Some find it easy, others may have a harder time, but one thing is for sure: the biological parent turning the child against the step family is never good.
When this mother turned her daughter into a spy, a step-uncle decided he didn't want to babysit her anymore. While his brother-in-law argued that cutting her off like this didn't solve the problem, the uncle saw more risks than positives. Still, he asked for advice about what to do online.
An 11-year-old became her mother's spy in her father's and stepmother's house
Image credits: Pocstock / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The uncle was caught in the middle of the drama, but decided he didn't want to babysit his sister's kids anymore
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: timeimage / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Round-Werewolf3743
Image credits: Image-Source / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
The mother in this story seems to engage in parental alienation behaviors
Parental alienation, or when one parent manipulates and undermines the other, is more common than people might think. Advocacy group Alienated Parents estimates that about 13-15% of children of divorce experience parental alienation. A 2016 study found that 13.4% or more of parents say they have been alienated from at least one child.
Parental alienation has the potential to ruin the relationship between a parent and a child. What's more, it can do irreparable damage to a child's mental health. Kids often face confusion as they are made to believe they have to choose between two parents. They also might experience a lot of hurt from believing falsehoods about their parent.
The parent, in their own right, experiences helplessness and a lot of emotional turmoil as well. In extreme cases, they might even have to deal with grief, as the alienation may result in little to no contact with their child in the long run.
However, not all alienation techniques result in estrangement. Some strategies just drive a wedge between a parent and a child. Some researchers and experts still consider them serious family violence, as they are harmful for both the child and the alienated parent.
On the other hand, alienating behavior from a parent rarely occurs in a vacuum. Susan Heitler, a family psychologist with over 40 years of experience, says that something triggers the alienating parent to act this way.
"In most cases, the alienating parent is acting on feelings of hurt related to the divorce, which are not about the kids," she explains. "Or that parent more than likely has an undiagnosed personality disorder that they’re inflicting onto other family members."
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Sometimes courts rule in favor of the alienated parent, even granting them full custody of the child
Parental alienation is not recognized as a diagnosable mental health condition. That applies to both the mental health and legal fields. Both the courts and mental health experts agree that some parents may engage in parental alienation behavior post-divorce, but also emphasize that it's hard to pinpoint it exactly.
The courts don't see parental alienation as a crime or a form of violence against a child or family. Still, parents can and do report parental alienation behaviors to the judge if they impact custody arrangements.
The first thing parents should do is gather any evidence they have that alienating behaviors might be occurring. Conversations, photographs, videos, texts, and so on can be helpful in proving that a parent is trying to alienate their child from another parent.
It can be hard to prove that alienation is happening because there have been instances of false allegations. So, courts take such claims with a grain of salt. If they consider something suspicious, a judge might order assessments by a social worker, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist.
There have been cases in the past when judges ruled in favor of the alienated parent. In 2023, the Ontario Superior Court of Justice decided on a "blackout period" for the mother who was alienating her pre-teen daughter from her father. For four months, the girl lived with her father, attempting to repair their relationship.
In another case, the court reversed custody from the mother to the father, leaving her with weekly visits only. In both cases, the mothers accused the fathers of intimate and physical violence against the children, but the court didn't find any evidence to back up these claims.
Apparently, the kid was being rewarded for snooping: "A Switch 2 for some of the photos she sent her mom"
Commenters sided with the uncle, urging him not to spend time alone with her until this all blows over
