When kids are growing up, the whole world is a big blot of confusion for them. And adjusting to new things can be pretty challenging. Especially with an introduction to a new parent, their tender age might cause trouble with such a massive change in their lives.
So, it was but natural for Minimum_Succotash526 to not immediately accept his new dad and things escalated when the stepfather repeatedly insisted that he wanted to adopt the teen poster and even brought up his late dad. Well, it didn’t go down well with the guy.
More info: Reddit
Teen has two fathers but one of them passed away just a month before he was born and he grew up with his cherished memories
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
Fortunately, he has names of both the fathers on his birth certificate and received a lot of love from the family as their son
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
His biological dad married Sam when the kid was 12 years old and the relationship that he has with the stepfather was kind of weird as he always insisted on adopting him
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
He kept bringing up his late dad thinking that he would win over the teen, but the guy didn't want Sam to adopt him as he still loved his late father and knew how much he had wanted him
Image credits: Minimum_Succotash526
The teen was annoyed by the constant pushing by Sam for adoption and told him that he wished his dad had found a better partner
Today, we’ll dive into the life of the 16-year-old original poster (OP) and the conflict he got stuck in with his stepdad. He provides us with a little background info that he calls his biological father “dad” and his other father “daddy”. And their surrogate was daddy’s close friend, Aunt Giga. Sadly, daddy passed away just a month before he was born.
But that didn’t stop dad from sharing his memories with the kid, and he was brought up with tons of memories about daddy that he truly cherished. And fortunately, both his fathers had their names on his birth certificate after a fight in the court. He always received a lot of love from their family not just as his biological dad’s kid but the other man’s too.
Now, fast forward to when he was 4 years of age, his dad started dating a guy called Sam, but 3 months into the relationship he realized that he was not yet ready to be in one. And even Sam was acting all jealous that he was not introduced as another dad for the kid. Although things ended then, they reconnected after 4 years and tied the knot when OP was 12.
Well, the teen’s bond with the new partner was not how Sam wanted it to be. To put it rather harshly, Sam was obsessed with adopting him. But the teen was against this as he couldn’t imagine being with him if he was orphaned. And this didn’t sit well with Sam who kept on bringing up daddy, claiming that he was not even his biological father and it was a miracle that his name was on OP’s birth certificate.
But what really disgusted the teen was when Sam said, “At least you’ll know me while daddy is someone who's just saintly in your mind because you weren't allowed to process only having one parent.” Ouch! It’s like he was trying to hit the poster right where it hurt.
He feels he was brought up by 2 fathers, and even though daddy was physically not there, he had documented everything for the teen, from parenting and surrogacy to pregnancy, till the time he died. And he has the book to prove how excited daddy was, how much he loved him, and how badly he wanted him.
On Father’s Day, a conflict erupted as Sam kept on pushing for the adoption, saying how he felt like an outsider, and even bringing up daddy to try to win him over. But it was all useless because OP stood by his opinion and even said, “You’re making me wish dad had found someone better.”
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
First of all, let’s talk about the pain of losing a parent. According to Psychology Today, “About five percent of young people lose a parent before reaching adulthood. Early parental loss is associated with negative outcomes including anxiety, depression, prolonged grief reactions, negative effects on sense of self, and changes to how survivors approach adult relationships.”
Even if the poster didn’t know his late father, he developed a special bond with him from all the cherished memories that he was brought up with. So, we can’t completely nullify the fact that daddy’s loss impacted him somehow. And, if this was a long-term impact, then his unwilling attitude to be adopted by Sam seems kind of justified.
In an article by Parents.com, it has been stated that “Stepkids face challenges like accepting someone new in a parenting role and potentially feeling like the new stepparent is trying to replace their other parent. These dynamics set up a web of boundaries that stepparents would be wise not to cross. Whether the re-partnering is a result of divorce or death, you can never replace the child's other parent and should not attempt to try and take their place. And you should respect the child's need to love that parent.”
But Sam is neither respecting OP’s boundaries nor is he letting the whole thing drop. In fact, he’s repeatedly trying to take his daddy’s place and even keeps bringing him up constantly in a disrespectful manner. Research suggests that you shouldn’t criticize a parent and no stepkid would appreciate it and it would just ruin their relationship.
So, indirectly, by constantly bringing up his daddy, Sam is ruining whatever shred of a relationship that he has with OP. And we understand that he feels like an “outsider” with him and his husband. But it’s not his place to enforce a bond with the kid. Even the Redditors brought this up and they had quite a lot of bad things to say about Sam.
In the comments, the teen also mentioned that his dad is not even aware of how pushy Sam is being. And the netizens advised OP to inform his father about this. He mentioned that it would end their marriage and he doesn’t want his dad to suffer. Folks said that while his thoughts were noble, his dad wouldn’t appreciate the fact that he was suffering just to protect their marriage.
This does seem to be true because no parents want their kids to go through something just for their own happiness. And although OP is acting more mature than even Sam, we are also of the opinion that it would be better if he made his father aware of the situation. Wouldn’t you agree? If you have any other suggestions or advice for someone going through something similar, feel free to jot them down in the comments. After all, you never know who might benefit from your advice!
Netizens backed up the teen for being noble and thinking about his dad's happiness and also called out the stepdad for enforcing a bond with him
