Nothing can quite prepare kids and adults alike for the shift that happens when two families are blended to become one. Inevitably, some disagreements are going to arise in the process, but unlike in a nuclear family, they are much harder to resolve in a complex stepfamily dynamic.
This stepfamily is no exception, as they also faced one big challenge when the stepdad prohibited stepchildren from eating certain food that his daughter was allergic to. This caused a big commotion in the family since the biological dad was having none of it and refused to abide by his orders.
When two families are blended, some disagreements are going to inevitably arise in the process
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As it happened with this stepfamily, because the new stepdad laid down some rules the biological dad was unhappy with
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: WonderfulAd8781
“New adults joining a family should honor and respect all of the earlier relationships"
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The role of a stepparent can be confusing when entering a new family dynamic. They might be unsure of how much responsibility they should take upon themselves or leave to their parents to deal with. According to Maria Natapov, a stepparenting and co-parenting coach and founder of Synergistic Stepparenting, a good guideline to follow in such situations is this:
“The stepparent’s role is more about supporting the parent-child relationship, not replacing or controlling it.”
Therefore, parenting experts advise respecting new family relationships and leaving the primary discipline to the child’s biological parents.
“New adults joining a family should honor and respect all of the earlier relationships while at the same time working to create the new family dynamic that includes everybody,” says Amy Stone, certified life coach and founder of Stepparent Success School.
“Children, particularly those age 7 and older, often won’t respond well to discipline from a stepparent. Trust and connection need to come first. Over time, IF a strong, respectful bond develops and both the biological parent and the child are comfortable, the stepparent may be able to support the household’s boundaries and expectations. But even then, it’s usually best if the primary discipline comes from the child’s parent,” adds Natapov.
The stepparent’s role is to be helpful and understanding
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If a new stepparent is being too strict, authoritative, or controlling with their stepchildren, experts say that parents should have an honest and open conversation and offer the alternative they believe is best for their child.
“The path through a disagreement, including one over parenting styles, is to practice talking to each other in a productive and constructive way,” says Stone. “If it’s a small issue, you may be able to work it out without help. If you need help learning to talk to each other in a constructive way, a coach, mediator, or therapist can sometimes help offer tools and a safe space to practice.”
There’s no doubt that co-parenting is difficult and that there will always be different rules and expectations that parents have. The stepparent’s role in this is to be helpful and understanding instead of trying to control the situation or offer unsolicited advice.
“The more helpful and understanding you are, the easier it will be for the entire family," concludes parenting expert Derek Randel.
The readers seem to be on the biological dad's side
