Teenagers don’t always think through everything they do, which is why they often make dumb decisions. Part of that is due to their underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, the rest might be due to the excitement of being able to make decisions. But not every choice is a good one and some can have long-lasting consequences.
A mom on Reddit shared her experience with her pregnant teen daughter who not only didn’t understand the full implications of getting pregnant so young, but also seemed to be expecting a bit too much.
Single mom’s pregnant teen berates her birthday efforts, she feels guilty despite doing everything for the girl
Image credits: ANTONI SHKRABA production (not the actual photo)
37YO mom said her 17YO pregnant daughter quit her job during her pregnancy and got pregnant on purpose to live with her deadbeat boyfriend in case she got kicked out
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
She acted as her teen’s “emotional and financial support” throughout her pregnancy and even threw her an expensive baby shower
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The last year had been “financially draining” for the mom so she told her son to pick a gift for the girl’s birthday and got her a bouquet of flowers along with dinner and a cake
Image credits: iambeckers
Despite all of the support and care she gave her daughter, she overheard the girl complaining to her friend about her “horrible” birthday and the gifts she got
The Original Poster (OP) is a 37-year-old single mom who has two kids, a 9-year-old son and a 17-year-old daughter. The woman stated that she had been a young mom and that her partner was just like a “Disney dad” who didn’t “do any of the hard parenting.” She shared that her teen daughter decided to get pregnant on purpose so that she could live with her boyfriend if OP kicked her out. But the mom also clarified that the girl’s boyfriend did “nothing for the baby.”
Gladney Center for Adoption states that one should “never look at a baby as a bargaining tool to keep someone around or to entrap you. The long-lasting consequences will be severe for everyone involved, including yourself.” Research on teen pregnancy also shows that nearly 8 out of 10 teen dads don’t marry the mother of their child. This is what the girl failed to think about when she decided to have a baby so young.
It is estimated that nearly 21 million girls between the ages of 15-19 get pregnant every year. According to research, many girls even choose to have a child because of limited educational resources or employment prospects. As the mom shared in her post, she was supporting her daughter through the entire pregnancy. Her teen had quit her job and was even turning down or refusing to follow through with job offers so that she could hang out with her friends.
What the girl did not realize is that having a child would drastically change her lifestyle and her employment opportunities post-birth. Research on teen moms has found that early pregnancy makes it impossible for teens to finish their education and leads to school dropout, with less than 2% earning a college degree. Employment and education affect one's financial prospects, which is also why around two-thirds of families started by young, unmarried mothers face poverty.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the post, u/iambeckers, to understand her daughter’s approach to motherhood. She stated, “I think her idea of motherhood is not the reality of motherhood. She often gets stressed and frustrated easily by this little adorable person who is fully dependent on you. She watches me with my grandson and I think I make it look easy. It’s not easy, it’s experience.”
“But as a young mother you need to balance the advice you get from more experienced parents and your own intuition for your own parenting style, especially if you want to raise a child full of love and confidence. I know how hard it is. She is my first born, there were a lot of trials and errors raising her. The older I get the more I realize that my parents were just as lost and confused when raising me and my siblings. I tell her not to be so hard on herself when raising her son,” she added.
People were shocked at the lengths the mom went for her daughter without letting her take any responsibility. She responded in the comments saying, “I was a young mother, and I know the struggle so I think that’s why I’ve been enabling her. I did want to add that I’ve told my daughter on several occasions that it is her baby and once she has the baby she is 100% responsible. I will help her if and when I want to.”
Image credits: Secret Garden (not the actual photo)
The mom gave us an insight into her connection with her daughter, saying, “my daughter and I have an okay relationship at best. I still financially support her and the baby because she is still a high school student, set to graduate at the end of this month. I struggled a lot as a young mom, I was a full-time college student and worked multiple jobs to support us while being a single mom. It’s not an easy task, especially when you’re watching your friends enjoy the freedom of being childless.”
Despite the daughter’s decision to quit her job or not take on additional responsibilities, the mother remained a source of support for her. She even threw a baby shower for the girl that cost over $1k and got catering for 50 people. With such luxurious spending, she decided not to buy a big gift for the teen, reflecting on how the last year had been financially draining.
So she told her son to pick out a gift and said she would get flowers, a cake, and dinner for the girl. But the OP was in for a rude shock when she overheard her daughter complaining about her birthday to her friend. The teen even went so far as to laugh at her brother’s gift and said that she didn’t get anything except flowers from her mom. Netizens were shocked when the poster mentioned that she felt guilty about not getting more things for her daughter.
But the mom explained her reaction, saying, “it’s a lot of guilt on my behalf because when she was younger I worked multiple jobs and was in school getting my Bachelor's degree. I realize I created this problem and she is fully taking advantage of it.” People felt that the teen should be taking responsibility and contributing financially to which the mom replied, “I’m not working my household budget with her. But her household budget. I’ve been writing down what my expectations are and what my boundaries will be.”
The author also told Bored Panda, “I promised myself that my children’s birthdays would be a special occasion. There was very little celebration in my family growing up surrounding birthdays. My parents would always do a cake (or favorite dessert) for myself and my siblings, but we never had much of a celebration or fanfare surrounding it. I remember going to friend's birthday parties and being jealous because I knew I wouldn’t get one.”
As people pointed out in the comments, the girl failed to understand the consequences of teenage motherhood. She did not realize that it could lead to lower educational attainment, socioeconomic disadvantage, greater psychosocial difficulties, and higher rates of marital instability and single parenthood. Luckily for her, she still had the support of her mother but her rude reaction to her birthday gifts definitely wouldn’t be winning her any favors.
What do you think the mother should have done when she heard her daughter complaining about her birthday gift? Let us know your honest opinions in the comments.
Netizens could not believe the audacity of the teen despite receiving every manner of support from her mother
