There is a common stereotype of a girl dreaming about her perfect wedding day, which might be true in some cases. However, one may ask what it is that actually makes this day ‘perfect’ and how far the guests should go trying to fulfill the requests of the bride and contribute to her and the groom's happy day. These questions became urgent at this Redditor’s wedding as her request for “no speeches” was not followed by the groom’s mother, sparking a conflict between the newlyweds and dividing the people at the wedding into two groups.
More info: Reddit
The groom's mother gave a speech despite the bride's request for "no speeches", sparking a family conflict
Image credits: Leonard Erlandson (not the actual photo)
The bride hates speeches as she finds them boring and very forced, so she asked to have none
Image credits: Character-Cow2577
Image credits: kenji ross (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Character-Cow2577
The groom's mother started her speech anyway, claiming she would say it because it was her only son getting married
Image credits: Vanessa Hayes (not the actual photo)
The bride was seeing red, so she pretended to not hear her MIL talking and continued her conversation
A bride shared that she hates speeches, as she finds them boring and forced, so she asked for “no speeches” at her own wedding. If people had something to say, they were to do so in private. The woman’s husband thought it was funny, but he agreed to go along with such a request.
Despite being presented in advance with a request for guests to not give speeches, the groom’s mother stood up during dinner and started her speech, saying she knew the guests were “forbidden” to make speeches by the bride, but because it was her only son getting married, she would say what she wanted to say.
At this point, the bride was so furious that she did not even hear the rest and was seeing red. Her sisters and bridesmaids were all shocked. The bride pretended her husband’s mother wasn’t talking and continued her conversation with her sisters and bridesmaids. And they did the same.
This reaction made the groom’s mother and his sisters furious, while the groom was so angry at the bride that he refused to look at her. The husband’s side were sulking in their seats for the rest of the night. Needless to say, the woman’s husband told her she was wrong to disrespect his mother in such a way.
The bride seemed to think that her rule was somehow absolute; however, being the bride does not necessarily mean giving orders to the guests, but only asking in a polite manner and behaving accordingly. Of course, one expects guests to respect the requests from the couple, but it is still closer to negotiation as guests are left to decide if these requests are reasonable.
Normally, people who are coming to a wedding are close friends and family and they expect their needs to also be taken into consideration to a certain extent so that they can be themselves and communicate, rather than just follow orders like some puppets in the bride’s hands.
The groom was angry and refused to look at the bride, his mother and two sisters were furious
Image credits: Jed Scattergood (not the actual photo)
The groom told his wife she was very wrong and she shouldn't have disrespected his mother like this
Taken into consideration that weddings often are and it was, in this case, a semi-private celebration and speaking one’s mind is one of the basic features of mankind as well as their means to connect and find an agreement, the groom’s mother’s wish to speak publicly at her son’s wedding seems quite reasonable and obviously mattered a great deal to her.
Accordingly, as it mattered to the groom’s mother, it was important for the groom to actually hear it or at least let his mother speak. However, the bride did not follow this line of thought and did not care to respect the groom’s mother’s wish to be heard, even if only for her husband’s sake, because it was what mattered to him.
The only thing that the bride thought was worthy of respect was her rule based on her hate for speeches and her devotion to the idea that all speeches have to be boring and forced, not taking into consideration the fact that freedom of speech, unlike some minor whims, is a basic human right.
Discussing etiquette, Judith Martine notes that nowadays it is popular to disregard its importance and follow Jean-Jacques Rousseau in claiming that we should all behave like (noble) savages. According to her, for some time now, many people have done their best trying to make sure that their children are not inhibited by such “unnatural” concepts as consideration of others.
However, she argues for the importance of etiquette, explaining that etiquette is more flexible, a lot cheaper than law and it asks for voluntary compliance. Obeying its restraints on our individual freedom is the price we pay for living peacefully and perhaps even pleasantly in communities.
According to Martine, the important function of etiquette is to soften personal antagonisms and help to avoid unnecessary conflicts, similarly as diplomacy aims to avoid war, thus regulating social behavior to serve the interest of the community being in harmony.
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