!["[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Ask My Parents To Take Down A Memorial To My Late Daughter?"](https://img.boredpanda.com/unsafe/rs:fit:3840:0/q:80/aHR0cHM6Ly9zdGF0aWMuYm9yZWRwYW5kYS5jb20vYmxvZy93cC1jb250ZW50L3VwbG9hZHMvMjAyMy8wOS9yZWZ1c2luZy1wYXJlbnRzLW1lbW9yaWFsLWRhdWdodGVyLXJlZGRpdC1mYjY2LXBuZ19fNzAwLmpwZw.webp)
Unfortunately, death is an integral part of our lives, including the passing of people close and dear to us. For sure, this is a very sensitive topic for many people, so you should always approach everything related to it with the utmost correctness and caution. Unfortunately, not all people actually realize this...
The story that we are about to tell you today was first shared by the user u/ProfileImaginary7706 in the AITA community on Reddit, and literally within a day it received over 12.2K upvotes and around 2.1K various comments. The overwhelming majority of comments express wide support to the author and pure sympathy for her.
The author of the post gave birth to twins two years ago, but one of them unfortunately passed away eight months later
Image credits: Abigail Batchelder (not the actual photo)
The woman's parents made a memorial in honor of their late granddaughter and put it in their living room
Image credits: ProfileImaginary7706
Several months ago, the author's sister gave birth to her own baby - and gave her the same name
Image credits: Yoshihide Nomura (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ProfileImaginary7706
The author was upset since she always felt pain when hearing this name - but she didn't say a word anyway
Image credits: Mariam Antadze (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ProfileImaginary7706
The sister recently asked the author to suggest that their parents take down the late baby's memorial - since it's too morbid, according to herself
Image credits: Engin Akyurt (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ProfileImaginary7706
The author, of course, said a flat-out no and a family drama broke out between the sisters
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that two years ago she gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, but her daughter Indie had a seizure within the very first days of her life - and so, alas, never left the clinic. The baby slipped away peacefully in mom's arms eight months later, and the whole family, of course, was absolutely devastated over this irreparable loss.
The parents of the author of the post, being crafty people, built a special memorial to honor their granddaughter, placing it in their living room. On the twins' birthday and Indie's anniversary, the grandparents usually light candles under it.
And then, this May, the OP’s sister gave birth to her first child - a girl, and also named her Indie. The original poster admits it was incredibly difficult and painful for her to hear that name again - but she controlled herself and kept her emotions to herself. After all, the author thought that the sister gave her daughter this name to honor the memory of the late niece.
However, just a few months later, the sister approached the OP with a request to suggest that her parents take down that memorial in their living room. The new mom's argument was as follows - she thought it was very morbid, but life moves on, and it will be difficult, as she believes, for all family members to see living Indie before their eyes, and next to her - a memorial in honor of late Indie.
Also, according to the OP's sister, the memory of her late daughter will gradually fade over the years, while the new Indie will likely be confused with her cousin. In any case, the woman probably felt somewhat awkward asking her parents to take the memorial down, and she tried to make it look like her sister’s initiative.
However, here she just slipped up severely - the original poster flatly refused to talk to her parents, and moreover, called out the sister harshly. As a result, a real family drama broke out, the sisters exchanged many reproaches, but the author of the post was adamant and also sure that in this situation, she absolutely did the right thing.
Image credits: Brian Leon (not the actual photo)
It must be said that such a dual attitude towards the names of deceased relatives can be found in many families. To look for examples, my own mother was named after her late aunt (who passed away years before she was born), and since then my grandma never mentioned her sister on Memorial Day... probably in superstition to not let them mess everything up in heaven. People are strange, as Jim Morrison wisely sang...
“A familiar and, unfortunately, quite common situation is when a person first does something, and only then begins to realize the likely consequences of their actions,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist from Odessa, Ukraine, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this case. “On the one hand, yes, a person cannot be a monopolist on a name that many people like. On the other hand, when choosing such a name for a newborn child, the mother had to take into account that in this family, this name will always have some sad connotation.”
“And the manner of her further actions also confirms that the woman was more likely guided by a momentary impulse. After all, she was obviously embarrassed to ask her parents, and she could not find a better way than to ask her sister about it, thus causing her more psychological trauma. Yes, life goes on, but this does not negate the need to remember those who have passed on, and the importance of being sensitive towards loved ones,” Irina states.
The vast majority of people in the comments to the original post completely sided with the author, subjecting her sister to merciless criticism for being so rude towards her. Moreover, many readers even assumed that the OP’s sister was simply trying to erase the memory of her late niece from the memory of her relatives, an assumption that the OP herself partially agreed with when responding to comments.
In general, the opinion of commenters is pretty unanimous - the original poster was absolutely right in refusing to ask her parents to take down her daughter’s memorial, and her sister was acting completely insensitive and selfish here. "Sister sounds pretty awful, I can only imagine what other sort of drama she surrounds herself with," one of the folks wrote in the comments. And now we'd like to know your opinion on the characters of this tale as well, so please come to the comments section if you have something to say here.
People in the comments are almost sure the author did everything right, while her sister was acting selfish and insensitive
