We can’t choose our family. But no matter what we get, these people usually take up a big part of our lives, so even if we don’t particularly like them, it’s not such a bad idea to keep things civil.
However, like the half-sister in this Redditor’s story, some people just refuse to accept it. When her father passed away and her mother remarried, she went to great lengths to let everyone know about her hate for her stepfather and her new sister. But when, years later, she found a use for them, she quickly changed her tune. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
Rivalries between half and step-siblings are not unheard of, but it's rare to hear of one sincerely wishing the other was never born
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
When she was little, the poster looked up to her older half-sister, who always harshly rejected her and her father
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Their relationship was completely severed when, one Christmas day, the older sibling told her sister that she wished their mother had aborted her
Image credits: Ethan Hu (not the actual photo)
A few years later, the older sister decided to get married and came in person to invite her half-sister and stepdad to her wedding
Image credits: Successful_Detail321
The poster rejected her, saying that if her half-sister wants her dead, then she won't play along just to make her look better
The OP begins the story by saying that she has a half-sister who is 9 years older and has always rejected her for not being a “real” sister and her dad for just being someone who’s “warming her mother’s bed.”
Until she was about 10, the poster looked up to her sister, always trying to build a relationship, which never succeeded. She said that when she was about 6, and her brother was stillborn, instead of providing comfort the girl so desperately needed, her half-sister told her that she wished the same thing had happened to the poster.
One Christmas evening, the half-sister arrived late as she was staying with a different family member for the celebration. The girl took this as a good sign and tried to talk to the woman again. Unfortunately, she was once again insanely harsh, going as far as to say that if she could turn the time back, she would’ve begged her mom to get an abortion.
This was the breaking point for the girl, and for the next 7 years, up until recently, the sisters barely saw each other. Things changed when the older sibling decided to get married and personally invited the OP and her father to her wedding.
However, the invitation was the furthest thing from sincere. The woman openly explained that she was doing it to look better in front of the guests, and so, despite her mother’s tears, the girl blatantly refused.
The commenters showed complete support for the OP. They were all horrified by the awful things her half-sister said to her over the years and theorized about what she could’ve told her future in-laws to suddenly require the presence of the people she hates so much.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Although the example we have at hand is quite extreme, rivalry and bad feelings between half and step-siblings are not uncommon. So, to better understand why this happens, Bored Panda reached out to the psychologist Dr. Francyne Zeltser.
Dr. Zeltser became a mental health specialist in hopes of reducing the stigma of mental illness. “My goal is to bridge the gap between physical and mental health, promoting a more holistic and inclusive view of wellness,” said the psychologist.
In her clinical practice, the doctor utilizes a supportive, problem-solving approach, which provides her patients with the possibility to learn adaptive strategies to navigate a variety of challenges like improving focus, social skills, time management, reducing negative emotions, building a growth mindset, resolving conflict, and getting organized.
When asked about the difficulties that children encounter when they have to adapt to the changes that come with a family blend, the psychologist explained that this transition is often very challenging as it requires the child to adjust to a new parent figure who likely has different rules and expectations than they’re used to.
“When the new partner has children of their own, it adds another layer of change, as the child is adjusting to a new parent figure AND new siblings, all at the same time,” said Dr. Zeltser, emphasizing the importance of approaching this with sensitivity and understanding.
The expert further said that this kind of change leads to a great deal of uncertainty and apprehension, especially if the child thrives from structure and routine. “Children often worry about how the new partner (and their children) will change the family dynamic and relationship the child has with their parent.”
Looking for more control in a situation that is outside of their control, the children often resist the change or withdraw from it. They feel as if they might be replaced or rejected, and the popular strategy focusing on protecting them from experiencing negative effects does a disservice as it makes it harder for the child to accept the changes and the new family.
In situations like these, Dr. Zeltser says that communication is vital. “Parents should provide their child with ongoing opportunities to openly discuss their fears and concerns. Parents should actively listen to the child and provide validation, as the child may be experiencing this change very differently than the parent.”
The psychologist emphasizes that it’s essential to set aside some “special time” for the kid alone and take on the change collaboratively. “This process empowers the child and gives them a voice in a situation that is otherwise out of their control.”
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Complementing Dr. Zelster’s words, Healthline also offers additional advice on how parents can better deal with this kind of situation. The article suggests starting by acknowledging the challenge of adjustment to their children and not expecting everyone to become best friends. Not everyone in this situation gets a vote when it happens, and thus, you shouldn’t expect it to be perfect, at least not right away.
Moving further, it’s important to be open about the fact that in the beginning, parents may be closer to their own child and watch out for signs of jealousy so it doesn’t grow out of control. It may take time for things to settle down into their places, and if the foundation is crooked, nothing on top of it will be stable.
Next, holding regular family meetings to share feelings and discuss opinions may be wise. Here, it’s essential to hear out your children and include them as fully as you can.
It also pays to keep track of birth order, as suddenly becoming an older or a younger sibling might shock the child. However, that doesn’t mean you should compare them, as that is the fast track to bad feelings and rivalries.
Lastly, celebrate your children and take time to do something with each of them separately to build and/or strengthen your bond. Let them know they’re important to you.
In the end, blending families is rarely an ideal option. In a utopian world, people would meet a perfect partner on their first try and create a family that would never see an unhappy day.
While reality is not like that, and probably never will be, there are usually plenty of ways to make this work. But sometimes, some people are so set on rejecting the change that our only option is to go on without them.
What did you think of this story? Do you have any similar half-sibling stories you’d like to share? Then do so in the comments below!
The poster's half-sister horrified the commenters, and they unanimously sided with the author
