In human existence, there are a couple of fundamental things that we can’t choose. Not only can we not choose our genetics, birthplace, and environment from the get-go, but our names are typically given by our parents too.
Fortunately, at least changing one's name is possible. Although it’s quite a tedious process, it can be a good quality-of-life change, if the old name carries emotional baggage. Today’s story revolves around a woman who changed her birth name, and how drama ensued after her boyfriend learned about it.
More Info: Reddit
Nowadays breaking up is quite common; however, the reasons for it can be quite peculiar
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
A woman approached Reddit, seeking perspective on a conflict with her boyfriend
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
The woman had changed her name a couple of years ago since it carried negative connotations about her past, but didn't think much about it
Image credits: lookstudio (not the actual photo)
Her boyfriend didn't know that she had a different birth name, and when he found out about it from a friend, he started acting distant from the GF, and she couldn't understand why
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Later, the man snapped and said she "deceived" him, the girlfriend thought he blew the entire situation out of proportion, and on top of that he verbally abused her too, so she left him
Recently a woman approached Reddit’s r/AITA community and asked if she wasn’t the jerk for breaking up with her boyfriend. The predicament is quite unusual, so buckle up!
The lady begins her story by saying that a while ago she noticed a shift in her boyfriend’s behavior. He started acting distant, but she figured it was alright, as he had a lot on his plate at work. However, that wasn’t the case. In reality, the boyfriend was acting weird since he found out an intricate detail about his girlfriend, but the woman didn’t know this.
The man’s behavior went on like this for a couple of weeks, until the girlfriend got him to talk. The boyfriend then finally said that he knew that she was not who “she claims to be”. The girlfriend, bewildered, asked him to clarify what he meant by that.
It turned out that their mutual friend had told the man his girlfriend’s birth name. The OP (Original Poster) changed her name when she was 22 years old for a good reason. She felt that the change was necessary, as she was adopted from foster care and didn’t want to be called by her old name as it carried emotional baggage. It wasn’t a big deal for her, though, so she didn't feel the need to disclose it.
Couldn’t say the same about the boyfriend, though - he flipped out, saying that the woman had deceived him, and even cursed her out. To him, knowing his GF's birth name was a big deal. Afterward, he stopped talking to her completely. She felt that the whole situation was blown out of proportion, so she took the conflict online for some perspective.
Her original post received dozens of replies, saying that she wasn't the jerk for this at all, and to be fair, this was proved beyond a doubt a bit later too. After a few days, the boyfriend started talking to her again and it seemed like everything went back to normal. But boy, was she wrong. The man childishly started “mixing” up her birth name with her preferred name, obviously doing it on purpose. It all went downhill from there on, as the woman felt hurt and betrayed. She said that to him, and the man left her house.
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Soon after, the OP created a new post, updating her relationship status. She had broken up with her BF and he seemed completely unfazed by it. However, a few hours later, he started spam-texting the woman, harassing her for being a “lying b****”, amongst other things. To add insult to injury, the woman also suspected her boyfriend was cheating with the same "friend", who told him the OP's birth name. The friend denied this, though. Either way, the couple broke up and at least had the courtesy to return each other things they left in each other's apartments.
It's good that the OP didn't let the man cross boundaries and disrespect her, even if it meant she had to leave him. Changing one's birth name is a right, and it should be respected - and it's not as easy as you may think. Curiously, what would you need to do if you wanted to change your name?
In the United States, the process can vary depending on the state you're living in. Generally speaking, the easy part of the procedure is the name change itself - as you only need to gather all required documents and pay a $500 fee. The difficulty arises after your name change is finalized legally, as you need to contact a heap of institutions to let them know about your new alias.
This includes financial institutions such as banks, workplaces, coworkers, schools, your friends and family, DMV, the IRS.... the list goes on. You get the idea. So as you can probably tell, changing your name is not exactly hassle-free and likely isn't done on a whim, which makes the boyfriend's accusation of the OP "pretending to be someone she's not" even more silly, especially when it's such a low-stakes situation, all things considered.
Interestingly, pretty much everyone is eligible for a name change, even convicted criminals. However, there are important steps in the process, ensuring that the offender's identity is still known by the government. Either way, changing the name does not erase criminal records.
What do you think about today's story? Do you think the boyfriend was in the wrong here? Let us know in the comments below.
Netizens say that the woman isn't a jerk and made the right move by breaking up with her boyfriend
