30 "Regretful Parents" And Their Stories That Prove Not Everyone Is Okay With Having Kids

I was an 18 year old college student living on my own, having just escaped my abusive family. I fell pregnant and while I was trying to get information on having an abortion, members of a pro-life group sent me tons of messages saying they'd support me financially and emotionally if I went through with my pregnancy, saying they just wanted to be sure I had options. I was extremely depressed and vulnerable and I was living in this haze, and they made me believe having a baby would fix everything. That my problem was that I hadn't fulfilled my life's purpose of becoming a mother, which reinforced a lot of my family's indoctrination I hadn't shaken yet. They dropped their support as soon as I could no longer legally get an abortion, and I had to drop out of college to support myself and my twins. We had rough patches where I thought we'd end up homeless, but I still clung to the hope it would be worth it. My life would be better because I was a mother.

My twins are 6 now. I'm no longer struggling to put food on the table or pay rent, but they didn't fix anything. I think I snapped out of it when they were 2 years old and realized I ruined my life by having them. The horrible thing is I resent them and I feel so emotionally disconnected from them. Sometimes I feel like I'm just their babysitter and I'm waiting for their mom to come pick them up. The idea of 12 more years of this makes me sick.

I never wanted to have kids. It just wasn’t something I felt was meant for me. I have a myriad of health and mental health issues and they just take up so much of my time and energy I never thought I could commit to having a child.

I got pregnant at 21 with my boyfriend at the time. He was excited and I forced myself to feel the same, but the truth is I was completely disconnected my entire pregnancy. Because of my health issues I spent my pregnancy sickly and in pain. I wanted nothing more then for it to just end and I could have my body and my life back.

After my daughter was born she ended up being a “high needs” baby. She was colicky and screamed and cried and slept 30 minutes at a time for the first 6 months of her life. I couldn’t take it. I desperately wanted to give her up but her father convinced me it’ll get better and I was her mother and she only needed me.

As the years went by I never felt truly connected to her. I love her and I care for her but that unconditional maternal love just has never struck me or been there.

Today she’s 4 years old. On the autism spectrum and really hard to deal with. Last year I started distancing myself and cutting my time with her.

She’s thriving and a very happy kid, with or without me. I see her once or twice a week and I’m happy with it. I provide child support to her father and I do what I need to do to provide for her financially but emotionally I just can’t do it.

I know this makes me a monster in most peoples eyes and I’ve accepted this judgement from society.

She has family and a father that take great care of her but unfortunately I will never be that mother for her.

I guess I’m just here to say that it’s ok to feel this way. And I’m open to questions or thoughts on my situation.

The actual reason I had a kid was just pressure from society. I mean, this is what people are supposed to do you know? I’ve always made so much effort ticking all the boxes what people are “supposed to do”. I’m 30 years old and my biological clock is ticking. All my friends have kids so I thought to myself that it was now or never. Now I have this beautiful, healthy, lovely 2 year old whom I love more than words - make no mistake, I’m a good mom. But what I want is sleeping in, going to the gym whenever I want, travel, doing spontaneous things etc. That was my life before my daughter was born. I don’t feel this “rewarding” feeling everyone are talking about. I feel bitter and unfulfilled.

I always had my suspicions, but hearing him actually say it out loud was jarring to hear.

He told me that on the night we conceived our oldest, he got me really, really drunk while he stayed sober. When I was too drunk to even remember what happened, we had sex without a condom. Again, I don’t remember this happening. I thought I got pregnant the day after, because he said that condom accidentally broke during sex.

I asked him why he felt the need to do that. He said that he needed to get me pregnant, because he was scared that I was going to party and leave him and live my life when I turned 21. He didn’t want me to turn into a “whore”.

We have three kids now. This was 10 years ago. While I don’t necessarily regret my kids, I feel like my right to choose was taken away. I wanted an abortion with our second for mental health reasons. He still mocks me about it to this day, and even told our oldest daughter that I almost aborted her sister. He guilted me out of getting one.

I regret not having a carefree time in my entire adult life. When I got pregnant, I was only 20. My husband was 26, so he already got to have his whole, fun college experience.

Those would be my main regrets. My kids are all amazing, smart and lovely humans. I have spent the entirety of my 20’s making sure they are well-balanced and that they have a great childhood. However, I feel like I never got to be “me”. I still don’t know who I am. I had to grow up with my kids, and that’s not easy to do.

I had surgery so my son has been with his dad (who has never been this helpful before) and my parents. I'm 3 days into not having had to deal with him and it's been the best days of my life in 8 years. I feel so bad... But so good. I won't get him back until Sunday and I wish this could last forever.

He's severely autistic and screams all day and gets into things and hurts himself and me.

I'd have surgery once a month if it would help me have a whole week without him.

I’m tired of people trying to make me feel bad because I didn’t want to deal with this nightmare of a diagnosis. I straight up admit I absolutely did not f**king want a special needs child which is why I aborted my first pregnancy - there was a chromosomal abnormality so I noped out real quick.

Got just about every damn test you could with the second pregnancy and everything was fine. But no. Autism.

All I ever f**king wanted was a normal family, is that so much to ask? My life growing up was walking on eggshells because of my mentally ill father and intellectually disabled sister. Then I was free. Only to get dragged back into hell.

I’m tired of all the extravagant accommodations and never ending extra s**t that goes into autism. We’re supposed to bend over backwards to children who only care about their immediate needs and themselves no matter what the f**k anyone else’s needs are - and then we get blamed for churning out entitled a***oles.

I’m tired of this broken f**king kid and never ending heavy burden. While I would never hurt him I can absolutely see how this breaks some parents and these nightmare kids end up getting thrown off a bridge. (I’m not saying I would throw him off a bridge you drama queens, I’m saying I can understand how parents snap)

Pre natal diagnostics needs to get on the f**king ball.

Just venting... but it just sucks. My wife and I (M - 30s) always agreed we didn't want kids. I was on a waiting list for a vasectomy but she was on the pill since forever.

I guess a soldier slipped, and now all of a sudden abortion is off the table. She wants to give motherhood "a try". It's definitely her body and her right to choose, but I certainly feel betrayed and hurt with all this. I have zero paternal desire in my bones, I value my free time and financial independence, I had hopes to retire in my 40s, but now all this is suddenly ripped from me and I feel like I have no say.

Wish I'd made that appointment sooner. Now I feel resentful towards her, and just not looking forward to my life in 4-5 months at all.

Some of my younger coworkers were talking about why they don't want kids, and I just felt this sinking feeling inside me. I wish I had been more true to myself and continued with my knowledge that I never wanted kids, but I felt maternal feelings that were actually just a part of loving my now husband. A baby wasn't the answer to my body's question, but we thought it was. I thought this is what I wanted at that point and then I did it and I hate it. I love my daughter (she is 3) but if I had the opportunity to go back in time I would never have gotten pregnant. I learned the hard way that "I want to have a baby with this person" is a very different thing from "I want to be a parent".

So I envy my coworkers who are currently in that position of knowing they don't want kids and wanting to sleep in and hang out with friends and do whatever they want without either dragging a kid along or trying to find childcare. That was me and then I made a life altering decision I now have to live with.

Just a rant.. we had a bad morning. 50/50 custody of 5 year old. Shy around other adults. And with her peers , she is bad with sharing, brags a lot, competitive and a sore loser. She has no friends because other moms have decided she’s too “mean”.

I know that it’s all mostly my fault. I haven’t been that great of a mom. I really have tried but it’s been so hard. I’m in tears right now writing this. I work so hard to keep a good, warm home. I only work school hours so she’s never had before or after school care, every single thing I do, I do for her. And it’s never good enough. And I’m fried. I’ll never meet a person who would want to share a life with me with this ungrateful, angry, rude little person who I’m now stuck with for the next decade and a half.

Not really looking for advice. Just a place to say the things that I really should never say out loud to anyone. I feel like I want to start drinking and it’s only 9:30 in the f**king morning..

I'm 26 this year, so a bit too old for my mother to have had the internet as a support network the way people do now, but I wish she did and could have whined it out here when I was younger instead of constantly making me feel like an unwanted piece of s**t when I was growing up with all her comments like "having you ruined my body", "I used to have a fun life before you came along", "I'd have a better job if I didn't have to pick you up from school every day", "having a baby young ruins you life", "your father trapped me when he got me pregnant" (I was born in a country where abortion was very hard to get at the time. You basically had to be very rich and able to afford a very high end clinic that would take bribes to give you the illegal at the time abortion pill).

I don't resent her for regretting and disliking parenthood. I'm childfree myself so I totally get it. But I resent her for how she handled it. I have all sorts of mental health issues as a result of being unwanted and hearing about it all the time. Just let people vent here. Better they vent here instead of to their kids.

I have one child. One and done. Last and only.

If l am honest, it was an unwanted and surprise pregnancy. I hated absolutely everything about being pregnant. Breast feeding made me feel like a cow. I had serious PPD. My child was fussy, always had a cold or teething (or both) and generally a difficult baby. I have a protective bond but if I could magically wave a wand and start again, I'd be child-free.

My marriage was never the same after the baby. My husband has a huge family who wants us to have more kids and I still hear about it. My husband adores our child who is about to turn 5. If I'm honest, I sometimes fantasize about running away and getting a little one bedroom place of my own. He can go for it solo. I hate being a parent. My kid is sweet, but the prospect of dealing for another decade and change is beyond words depressing. I often feel like I'd rather just be a cool aunt and connect occasionally instead of 24/7.

But the worst? The Warrior Mommies. The women who constantly tell me how lucky I am. Who think everything about motherhood is a goddamn art form. Who shame and blame if you don't join in their whole "go mama! This is your purpose on earth! Let's celebrate it!" natural birth/co sleep/breastfeed til they are 5 kind of rah rah BS. I loathe and despise this. I have withdrawn from friendships with women like these. I now seem only to spend time with child free people when I get a moment to actually socialize.

I just wish people were honest. Not everyone finds parenting rewarding. Not everyone thinks birth is a magical experience or that breast milk is manna from heaven. My husband does not understand why I'm not more enthusiastic. I wish regretful moms had more of a voice.

My daughter is 2. Her pregnancy wasn’t very planned, the pregnancy was difficult, the birth was hell, and the postpartum was a living nightmare coping with a permanent injury from the birth. I had a surgery 1 year after it and finally started to feel better about 6 months ago.

Every single night when work is over, or I have to leave an appt to come home, I just don’t want to. I just sit in my car alone honestly for several minutes. It feels like I can’t move my entire body, it feels like climbing Mount Everest to start the car and actually drive it home. I’ve never felt dread like this in my life. Or I sit in the driveway after I’ve arrived and just feel like I physically can’t pull myself inside. I just can’t do it.

It’s not that I don’t want to see my husband or daughter. It’s the mountain of responsibilities that fill me with dread. The incessant needs. I can’t do it anymore. Yesterday I just sat in my car for 30 minutes.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t want this life, I don’t want it. It’s been a living nightmare. None of it is rewarding. Maybe im just an antisocial psychopath. What kind of monster doesn’t find having a child rewarding?

(Yes I’ve been in therapy for 8 years and I’m on medication for anxiety/depr. Plz don’t tell me to look into those things. I care deeply about my health and have had to fight/scream for medical care the last 3 years and I’ve exhausted every Avenue.)

I'm a regretful SAHM to a 3yo. Not a "I love my child but I hate being a mom" parent either, I feel responsibility and obligation towards my kid, but I don't love them. I try my best to hide it cos I know they deserve better, I tell them I love them, I'm affectionate, etc. But I'm counting down the days til they start school and I finally get a break. (Can't afford daycare, no babysitters)

I've seen people comment on tiktoks and articles about this subreddit with stuff like "well don't have a kid if you don't actually want them!" Or "some people can't have kids so you should be grateful!" Well newsflash to those holier than thou observers: you don't know you're going to be a regretful parent til you become a parent, and then there's no going back.

This kid was planned, wanted, years in the making. Every period was a crushing disappointment. We were looking into fertility treatment when we finally conceived, but miscarried that pregnancy at 8 weeks. I tried to see the silver lining of "well at least now we know we can get pregnant!" But I was devastated at the time. Now I know nature was trying to save me from this hell. A few months after the MC, we got pregnant again and this one stuck. I was cautious after the MC, but optimistic. I sang and talked to my bump, looked forward to meeting my baby.

Some people say their whole universe shifts when they meet their baby, and they fall instantly in love. But plenty of articles try to reassure you that that doesn't happen to everyone, so don't worry too much if you're not immediately smitten, it'll come in time, etc.

None of them said I would look at my baby for the first time and my first thought would be "I've made a huge mistake". And that was before the sleep deprivation began.

It's harder than I ever thought it could possibly be. There are no breaks, because even on the very rare occasion that I do get to go out alone, I know I have to come home so I'm never truly relaxing. Never truly able to get back to a baseline level of happiness. I feel like I'd need at least two weeks away to even begin to feel like a human being again.

I could list all the reasons why, but most people in this sub already know. The never ending monotony, the lack of time, money, agency, being touched out and over stimulated constantly, etc.

Recently some friends told me they were thinking about having a kid and without even thinking about it, I blurted out "oh god, why?!" I genuinely cannot recall a single reason I wanted a child, though I know I had some at the time. Other friends have posted pregnancy or birth announcements on social media, and I cannot bring myself to lie and say congratulations. There's nothing to congratulate, the poor idiots are about to ruin their lives, and they're doing it by choice, just like I did.

And I know I can't warn them, because it's not an acceptable thing to say, and they would never believe me. I also try and remind myself that other people obviously do not experience parenthood the same way as me, cos otherwise they'd all stop at one kid like I've done, but I honestly don't know what it is they're getting from this experience that I'm not. It's not rewarding or fulfilling or makes life worth living or any of the other trite clichés people trot out about having children. It's just hell.

You know that feeling you get at the tail-end of winter, when it feels like you haven't had the sun on your face for ages? It feels like it's been cold forever, and every morning feels gray, and you look forward to spring when you won't have to put on your boots and coat to scrape the ice off your car while you freeze your a*s off?

Imagine trying to explain that feeling to someone who's spent their whole life in the tropics. You can complain about the cold, but it's not really the cold. It's not the snow, either. And having to put on boots in the morning, or drive a car on icy roads? None of these things seem like a big deal in isolation. Even combined, they don't seem overwhelming to an outsider. Anybody can do winter for a while.

It's really the bitter endlessness of it. Waking up to it day after day after goddamn day. The dark, the cold. The petty frustrations that together are more than the sum of their parts.

That's what being a parent has been like for me. Only, instead of being able to look forward to spring, the only thing on the horizon is more winter. Decades of winter. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I swear it's the best analogy I can think of.

It's bleak. And it can be harder still knowing that you chose this. You could be sitting in Mexico under the hot sun, salsa dancing and sipping margaritas. But instead, you picked 18 years of winter. Possibly more. And that decision can seem very, very stupid when you're shoveling your driveway while subzero winds blow snow in your face.

If you only have one kid and you are regretful or straight up not having a good time, DONT HAVE ANOTHER. Not even when they tell you that it will be easier because they can play together. Not even when your partner begs you. Not even when you feel like your kid needs a sibling. Just don’t do it. I have seen SO MANY PEOPLE that have more kids because they feel like they are supposed to. Because they feel like if they don’t they will irreparably damage their kid.

Your child will be fine. Stay with one. It is a thousand times easier.

Signed,

An only child who turned out just fine.

I've written a huge post before how frustrating my child is because her ADHD makes her so damn difficult. Therapists are at a loss with her. There is a real possibility I'll have to quit my job to home school her because her school can't handle her. But apparently this makes me ableist. I'm so sick of it. It is so challenging to have that kid, and I resent that my frustration with it is labeled as "ableist". I feel like most people who had to raise a child like mine would regret and regret it too.....

Never getting enough sleep? Constant whining and crying? Going to battle at every meal? Constant anxiety? Curing a cold while having a cold? Not a single moment to yourself? Always needing to do laundry? Always needing to do dishes? Strained relationship with partner? Judgement from parents? Surrendering your tidy home? Losing your identity? Falling behind at work? Worrying about expenses?

Why do we do this?

I was raised as a Mormon in a very traditionally Mormon household. The only thing I was raised and bred to do was to raise and breed more babies. That was my only calling, education and careers were never emphasized. I was sent to college for an “MRS. degree”, to find a man who would make enough money to take care of me so I could be the 50’s STAHM I had been training my entire life for. I had an inkling at 21 that I didn’t like children when I worked at a daycare. But I ignored it. I had my child at 24 which was “old.” 4 months after he was born I had my “oh s**t” moment. I didn’t like motherhood. This was NOT what all the Mormon women in Relief Society and my Young Women leaders told me it would be my entire life. There are moments where I’ve felt true delirium. From the sleeplessness. There’s no other word to describe it. He’s 3 now. I’m a single mom. I left the Mormon church. I never finished college. He was just diagnosed with autism and I’m calculating all the bills that are on the horizon with insurance and ABA therapy. I feel like I’ll never be able to get ahead. I work full time and side hustle and donate plasma where I can. My village is tiny and all prices for everything keep rising. I miss taking care of myself, my body exists only to labor. Im 27 but I feel 37. When I look in the mirror I see nothing but a tired, empty, broken wisp of who I was and who I wish I could be. I blame the church for never giving me other options than motherhood. I didn’t know I could be something else. What dreams would I have had? I love my son but I’ll never have another.

I have wanted to adopt kids (not babies) since I was a teenager. Just realized yesterday that I have tokophobia. I NEVER wanted to give birth and thankfully haven't. But my husband and I did adopt 2 children from Poland (They were 8 & 9), hopeful that we would give them a happy, loving home and family.

They had Reactive Attachment Disorder (and other disorders) and made life hell. Our son was incredibly violent. I won't go into detail but tell one story. He was sent to a behavioral hospital for the first time at 10. I told the therapist there that I was afraid he'd someday rape me or kill me. Her response: "It's good that you recognize that.". Daughter was less violent. Both were manipulative, disrespectful, selfish, gaslighting, and self-sabotaging. Daughter also became a shoplifter. She stole from me a LOT too. And she binge ate our food.

Both are now grown. Son left our home the last time at 14 (to another behavioral hospital which suggested we NOT pick him up) and became a ward of the state. Daughter left 5 months short of 17. Our home is now peaceful. Our finances have improved. We're not calling cops to our house every few weeks--or days.

I am no contact with them--and several family members who turned against me based on our kids' lies.

They can still contact my husband. Our son has from time to time. We haven't heard from our daughter in years.

I do regret having adopted them. But I'm grateful to be past them now. Of I could go back and talk to the me who so wanted to adopt that it hurt every Mother's Day, I'd tell her that she's better off with cats, to save the money for retirement or travel or anything but adoption. The chances are just too high that she'd end up with kids who couldn't love, and who would try to destroy everything she cared about. She could host foreign students maybe. (We can't now, thanks to CPS blaming us when the problems actually stemmed from early childhood trauma from their neglectful and abusive birthparents.)

I used to be a real advocate for adoption. I'm not anymore. I wish I was just childless.

I’ll preface with saying that I do love my children , but It absolutely drains every single part of my being. To the point where I’m not sure I can keep going much longer.

I hate how I went undiagnosed with a neurological disorder my entire life until recently, which makes being a parent/partner so damn difficult. I could have made better choices had I known.

I hate that I grew up thinking because I was a girl, having kids was just part of life. I hate how we don’t normalize conversations surrounding the topic of NOT having children.

I hate that I even feel this way. Not like they asked to be here. So I go through the motions and try my best . For them. But what I wouldn’t give to go back 20 years and make different choices.