Woman Seeks Support Online By Giving Her Reasons For Rejecting BF’s Proposal, Gets A Reality Check Instead

Proposing to someone is an exciting yet often incredibly stressful event. But for many, the thing that pushes them to go through all that stress is hoping to hear their favorite human say "Yes!".

Unfortunately, when this redditor was proposed to by her boyfriend, she didn't say yes; but not because she arguably didn't love him. The woman rejected the proposal because she didn't want to break the arrangement she had with her ex-husband, but it eventually made her wonder if she was a jerk for doing so.

Being a stay-at-home mom over going to work is something quite a few women choose to do upon starting a family; and for many of them, such an arrangement works perfectly fine (whether or not they decide to return to work after some years) and the family lives happily ever after. However, some fairytales are not meant to have a happily ever after, as some marriages inevitably come to an end. And that’s when things can get rather tricky.

In the redditor’s case, when the relationship unfortunately came to an end, the roughly two decades of being a stay-at-home mom to four children resulted in a judge-ordered alimony for life; or until she remarried. However, as some redditors in the comments pointed out, “for life” might not actually mean until the end of one’s days.

Fellow netizens pointed out that the ex-husband can file for a modification or—for one reason or another—he might not be able to work anymore, which would consequently quite significantly affect the life of the ex-wife, too. In addition to that, nowadays, divorce courts reportedly don’t feel too sympathetic towards women who haven’t been in the labor market for quite some time.

Forbes reported that many states have been revisiting their laws regarding alimony in divorce cases, and the trend has been pretty universal – more limits on the length of support, and standardization on sums that are doled out. That makes putting your career on hold and your financial security entirely in the hands of your spouse risky at best.

According to a New York City family attorney, Morghan Richardson, judges are increasingly suspicious of post-judgement alimony requests, as they see that women have as many opportunities to earn as men do; and that they should use them, even if they haven’t worked for decades.

"I've been in court where a judge would outright admonish my clients for not working or looking for work, telling them that 'care-taking for a child does not absolve you from supporting yourself.' This is a harsh reality check for some stay-at-home moms, who sometimes have a real sense of entitlement about the decision to stay home. On one hand, that was a marital decision, but on the other hand, the marriage is over," Richardson told Forbes.

Pew Research Center’s data from 2021 found that that year, roughly a quarter of unemployed women were stay-at-home moms—a number that has fluctuated minimally over the last few decades. However, over the same period, the number of dads who opted for the stay-at-home parent role has increased—even if ever so slightly—since the 1990s.

Whether of a stay-at-home dad or a stay-at-home mom, for some redditors, such a role seemed to be a little too unstable. Others said they felt bad for the boyfriend whose proposal was rejected, and some were wondering what it was that the redditor did with her days bearing in mind the age of her children and that they no longer needed constant care. They all shared their thoughts in the comment section, where a discussion was brewing as people took different sides.