It isn’t uncommon to hear about parents lacking respect for their adult children’s boundaries. They’re the ones who treat their grown-up kids like six-year-olds, seeking involvement in every facet of their lives.
This woman is struggling with this issue because she blocked her parents from accessing her location through a tracking app. Her actions didn’t sit well with her dad, who retaliated and created further drama against her and her brother.
Since the situation blew way out of control, the woman has turned to the AITAH Reddit community to seek answers.
Some parents don’t respect their children’s boundaries
Image credits: MarishkaTR/Envato (not the actual photo)
This woman removed her parents’ access to her location, causing major family drama
Image credits: gstockstudio/Envato (not the actual photo)
She later realized that her parents' actions weren’t normal
Image credits: Diz_Savvy
Parents who disrespect boundaries may have experienced emotional neglect
Image credits: Sasha Matveeva/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Disrespecting boundaries by seeking control over adult children may be a sign of deep-seated issues. According to psychotherapist Sean Grover, LCSW, such behavior could be a result of childhood emotional neglect projected later in life.
“In an attempt to resolve those gaps in their development, parents may affix their yearning for unconditional love to their children,” Grover wrote in an article for Psychology Today, adding that it is their way to seek adoration, affection, and approval from their child.
Grover further explained that these parents feel “nourished” during their child’s younger years, when they are most dependent on them. But as their kid grows older and finds their individuality, they perceive it as a threat.
As a response, they become overly critical, or, like what happened in the story, start guilt-tripping.
Ultimately, the child bears the brunt of such treatment. According to Grover, they tend to feel ashamed for having their own needs, as they also deal with self-doubt and difficulties trusting others.
It is better to avoid conflict with parents who lack respect for your boundaries
Image credits: Meg/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Parents who don’t respect boundaries likely engage in other toxic behaviors. According to licensed social worker and clinical trauma professional Silvi Saxena, it may even be a result of a narcissistic personality disorder.
As she explained in an article for Choosing Therapy, it is mainly about protecting your peace and rebuilding a relationship with them. At the same time, clear communication is crucial for conveying the message effectively.
“Toxic parents will use vague and incomplete information or communicate against you to manipulate or guilt-trip you into conforming however they expect you to be,” Saxena wrote.
Based on the story, the author seems to have parents who likely won’t change their ways. Saxena says accepting that fact can help in moving forward, but cutting them off may be necessary if they continue to violate limits.
As she noted, tolerating these behaviors would only enable them and perpetuate the cycle.
The author is married and living her own life. She may be better off limiting contact with her parents to protect her peace and well-being.
Most people didn’t think she did anything wrong
Those who faulted her blamed her for acting like a “dependent child”
