Talking about money is one of the most important parts of any relationship, but it’s also one of the hardest. And sometimes, no matter how much you care about each other, you don’t end up on the same page.
For this Redditor, the conflict began when she and her boyfriend decided to move in together. She earns about $35K a year, while he makes roughly ten times that. The apartment he chose is far outside her budget, yet he still insists they should split all expenses 50/50—and told her that if she can’t afford it, that’s her problem.
Unsure of what to do, she turned to the internet for advice. Read the full story below.
The woman earns $35K, and her boyfriend makes ten times that
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Still, he expects a 50/50 split on everything, even if it wipes out her paycheck
Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: seventyfour / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: KiddinglyIdle
Experts say couple finances should be equitable, not equal
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
As much as we like to romanticize love and say it conquers all, the truth is that even the strongest feelings can be strained by very real, tangible issues. And one of the biggest ones is money.
Money plays a huge role in day-to-day life and, by extension, in relationships. Rent, groceries, electricity, dinners out, saving for the future—it all adds up.
So it’s no surprise that financial disagreements are one of the leading causes of stress between partners and even a top contributor to breakups. On the other hand, being financially considerate and responsible is consistently ranked as one of the most attractive qualities in a partner.
For many modern couples, financial responsibility is seen as being fair and equal with each other, and in practice, that often translates to splitting everything 50/50.
That brings us back to the story above. The woman makes around $35K a year as a teacher, while her boyfriend earns roughly $350K working in tech. With a gap that large, a 50/50 split might appear equal on paper, but in reality, it lands very differently. One partner can easily cover their half without thinking twice. The other is left trying to stretch every dollar just to stay afloat.
So the real question becomes: what does “fair” actually look like when one partner simply has far less to give?
According to financial experts, fair doesn’t necessarily mean equal. It means equitable—where each person contributes based on what they earn.
“I advise young couples to seriously consider splitting the household bills according to income and then revisiting it every year as incomes change,” certified financial planner Cathy Curtis told CNBC. This gives both people room to save and live comfortably, instead of one person constantly feeling like they’re drowning.
“When I bring it up, I see relief in the face of the person making less money,” Curtis added. “I think it’s totally fair [and] I think it makes for greater equity, less resentment, and also creates more communication around money.”
Money educator Tori Dunlap, founder of Her First $100K, follows the same principle in her own relationship:
“I’m a self-made millionaire, and my boyfriend makes $60,000. We don’t split expenses equally—50-50—because it’s not equitable. Instead, we split things roughly 70-30, which is a more equitable balance for us.”
But the breakdown of those expenses won’t look the same for every couple. Dunlap suggests a simple framework to work it out:
1. Decide what counts as joint vs. individual spending
Shared costs are things you both use or benefit from (rent, groceries, utilities, shared pet care).
Individual spending is personal (clothes, personal subscriptions, haircuts, dinners out with friends).
2. Compare your incomes to determine your share
A quick method is to look at each person’s percentage of the total household income.
Formula:
Your salary ÷ (Your salary + Your partner’s salary) = Your percentage of the joint expenses.
Example:
If you earn $100,000 and your partner earns $60,000:
$100,000 ÷ ($100,000 + $60,000) = 0.625 → 62.5%
So, you would cover about 60% of shared costs, and your partner about 40%.
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
3. Apply that percentage to your actual expenses
Total joint monthly expenses × Your percentage = Your share.
Example:
If shared expenses come to $1,000 per month:
$1,000 × 0.6 = $600 for you, $400 for your partner.
4. Choose a payment method that’s easy to maintain
This could mean:
- Each of you covers certain bills, or
- You transfer each other’s share after shared purchases, or
- You both deposit your calculated amounts into a shared account used only for joint costs
The method itself doesn’t matter as much as the outcome: both partners should have money left over after the essentials are paid. That prevents resentment, financial anxiety, and the feeling that one person is constantly “catching up” to the other.
“There are many ways to make a relationship financially equitable,” Dunlap said. “What matters is that you’re talking about it and making a plan.”
Many readers saw this as a major red flag and urged the woman to leave the relationship
Others, however, argued that she isn’t entitled to him paying more just because he earns more
