Parents will always want the best for their children. But while their hearts are in the right place, the way they convey the message can sometimes get them into trouble.
This is what happened to a mom when she complained about the policies that her son’s school imposed. She pushed hard and made her demands, urging the administrator to accommodate without argument. However, she quickly realized that her objections backfired badly.
A mom had complaints about the school policies imposed by her son’s school
Image credits: Abolfazl Pahlavan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She made her demands and pushed hard, urging the school administrator to comply
Image credits: ESBProfessional / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, the situation backfired on her
Image credits: 0000001A
Many women unknowingly engage in maternal gatekeeping, and it can cause problems
Based on the author’s account, the mom’s intentions were sincere. However, the way she went about the conversation made her come off as unreasonable.
She may have unintentionally engaged in maternal gatekeeping, in which mothers restrict fathers' involvement in caregiving and child-rearing. As psychotherapist Erin Barbossa tells Motherly, such actions likely stem from an unconscious attempt to “create perfection” and “control the outcome.”
“We may think that we are in a progressive relationship until it hits us that we don’t believe our partner can dress our children or decorate a Christmas tree, right?” Barbossa said, noting that one effective way to overcome maternal gatekeeping is to be vulnerable.
However, the bigger issue here is her sense of entitlement to try to change the school policies in her favor. According to licensed psychologist Dr. Jade Wu, dealing with an entitled person sometimes requires using wish fulfillment to set limits.
“Sometimes, just acknowledging that you heard the entitled person’s demand can ease the tension,” she noted.
The administrator, however, took it a step further through harmless malicious compliance, which worked like a charm. The message was delivered strongly and clearly, without resorting to insults.
Most readers gave props to the author for handling the situation well
