It’s never nice being deceived, but the last people you’d expect backhanded sneakiness from is your own family. After all, you’re supposed to be able to trust those that are the closest to you.
For one woman, she was sickened to discover that her mom and brother had plotted to keep a family inheritance concealed from her. It’s not the money that bothers her, but rather the fact that they went behind her back about it. She turned to Mumsnet to vent.
More info: Mumsnet
Deception is a fact of life, but this woman never expected it from her own family
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When her aunt passed away, she left the woman’s mother and brother a generous inheritance
Image credits: Brett Sayles / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Rather than tell the woman about it, the mother and brother plotted to keep the inheritance a secret from her
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Woman eventually found out and was sickened by the foul play, then turned to the web for support
OP begins her story by telling the community that she’s married with two kids and lives in the UK but grew up in another country, where her dear mother (DM) and dear brother (DB) still live. She goes on to explain that, a few years ago, her aunt in her home country passed away.
She then shares the fact that, 6 months ago, she discovered that her aunt had left £10,000 each to her mother and brother, and that the pair had agreed to keep their inheritance a secret from her. She adds that nobody knew why she’d been left out of her aunt’s will, but cites dementia as a possible cause, or perhaps because she lived in another country.
OP says she was sickened when she found out - both by the duplicitous behavior and by the fact that her mother hadn’t even seen it fit to give some of the money to OP’s children, her own grandkids. She adds that she’s not saying she’s entitled to any of the cash, but that she’s feeling left out of the family relationship and protective of her kids, who seem to mean nothing to her mother.
She adds that there’s a history of her mother treating her badly when she was younger and clearly favoring her brother, but that the secretive behavior is difficult for her to look past. OP’s husband says what the pair did is unforgivable, so she turned to Mumsnet to ask whether or not she’s being unreasonable to feel betrayed.
No matter who you are, you’ve probably experienced betrayal in a relationship with someone in your life, whether it be a romantic partner, friend, colleague, or family member. But what is the nature of betrayal? And what are some healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with it? Let’s dive in.
Image credits: Jack Sparrow / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Betrayal can take many forms. Some of the most common types include infidelity, lying, broken promises, and stealing. It can be caused by a variety of factors, such as a lack of clear communication, selfishness, insecurity, or external factors such as stress, financial issues, or addiction.
According to the School of Modern Psychology website, betrayal trauma symptoms can include anxiety, depression, anger, trust issues, and even PTSD-like symptoms. Experiencing betrayal can also lead to physical ailments, such as insomnia, fatigue, headaches, hypervigilance, and conditions related to substance abuse.
In her article for PsychCentral, Sarah Barkley writes that betrayal can trigger many complex emotions, which can leave you feeling overwhelmed.
Barkley puts forward 8 tips to deal with the negative feelings that arise from a breach of trust in a relationship.
Some of these include practicing self-care, talking about it with someone you trust, acknowledging and accepting the situation, avoiding self-blame, being patient with yourself, giving yourself some space from the person who betrayed you, and practicing forgiveness as a path towards healing.
Perhaps OP had a role to play in her family choosing not to share the details of the inheritance with her, but they still broke her trust. Seems like she’s got some work to do if the relationships are going to survive, should she want them to.
Bored Panda reached out to psychologist Dr. Deborah Hecker to get her expert take on the situation.
We asked Dr. Hecker whether she thought OP has a right to feel betrayed by her family, or whether it was any of her business in the first place. Hecker responded, "Inheritance is a gift, not a right. However, I can surely empathize with the woman’s pain for being left out of the will."
Hecker said there are two distressing issues OP is struggling with – emotional devastation and financial disappointment.
"It’s true that money can’t buy love, but an inheritance can be experienced as approval or disapproval," she adds.
Hecker goes on, "Therefore, by being left out of the will she may feel less loved by her aunt and that their relationship was not valued when she was alive. In addition, her brother and mother were not only oblivious to her pain but also void of empathy for their gain and her loss."
When we asked Dr. Hecker for one piece of advice she'd offer OP, should she want to save the relationships with her mother and brother, she had this to say, "I would validate her feelings as understandable and suggest she not navigate the journey alone, but speak to friends or professionals."
Hecker added that she would urge OP to be careful to avoid contentious interactions with her family members, and to decide if she wants to maintain good relationships with her brother and mother.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she had a right to know, or was it none of her business in the first place? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers agreed the deliberate secrecy might be hard to get past, but that the aunt had every right to leave her money to whoever she wanted
