With the anticipation of a wedding day, it’s normal to feel the jitters. So much goes into planning the celebration that most couples reach their day exhausted, starting to rethink if they’re doing the right thing. Some feel the urge to reminisce about old relationships, miss closure, or examine what went wrong. But while these emotions are common, it’s important not to ignore them.
To make sure he’s making the right choice, redditor GreenFar5824’s husband went on a last date with his ex-girlfriend just before the wedding. His decision was highly influenced by his family, who still weren’t over his previous relationship and thought he had made a mistake. Three years into their marriage, the wife found out about it, which completely rubbed her the wrong way.
Before the wedding day, some feel the urge to remember old relationships, crave closure, and examine what went wrong
Image credits: anyatyrovets / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
This husband even went on a last date with his ex-girlfriend before the wedding just to make sure
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GreenFar5824
If you aren’t comfortable letting your current partner know about reaching out to an ex, it’s probably not a good idea
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
Before reaching out to an ex-partner to find closure before the big day, one should consider a few things to make sure they’re making the best decision. Brides.com recommends asking yourself, “When was the last time you both chatted?” If it’s something you do regularly, it might not be out of character to give them a call before the big day. But if you haven’t gotten in contact since the breakup, meeting up or making a closure call might not be a good idea.
This also depends on the terms on which the relationship ended. In cases where it finished badly, the person getting married might want to clear the air and start their family without past relationships looming in their mind. But if it ended in mutual agreement and just wasn’t meant to be, then there might be no reason to connect again at all.
It’s also very important to think about how your current partner would feel about it. If you aren’t comfortable letting them know about reaching out to an ex, it’s probably not a good idea. Assuming that the goal of reconnecting is to apologize for hurting them or vice versa and end it on a mature note, then it might be worth pursuing it.
Before committing to it, it might be additionally helpful to get the opinions of other close people in your life. They might be completely against such an idea, listing reasons why not to do it. Taking into consideration why they’re saying such things might finalize your plan of action.
"Their attachment to the ex is part of the parent’s story and not about you"
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
In the redditor's case, her husband's family was rooting for him to reach out to his previous partner, as they believed he was making a mistake. This often happens because parents are still grieving the loss of what they considered to be a part of their family. Just like people in relationships need time to get over the breakup, so do parents.
“They had ideas about where that relationship might go and may have envisioned that ex joining their family," Toni Aswegan, a licensed therapist, tells Elite Daily. "It might take time for them to let go of those ideas and put you in that picture."
Most likely, it has nothing to do with their child’s new partner, as Dr. Loree Johnson, a psychotherapist and therapeutic coach, explains, "They may be struggling with other elements of your partner’s relationship that existed long before you entered the picture. Their attachment to the ex is part of the parent’s story and not about you."
Whether such a connection to the ex makes the new partner feel annoyed, jealous, or frustrated, it’s important to acknowledge and understand where such emotions are stemming from. “Are you feeling insecure or not good enough? If so, where does that feeling come from?" Johnson asks. Once they can identify why they feel this way, they can work on calming themselves when they are triggered.
Confronting the source of the issue might be tempting, but it might fuel the problem even more. Instead, experts recommend focusing on improving the bond with the partner’s family. "Know that every relationship is a universe within itself," Aswegan says. "Just because your partner's mom still likes their ex, doesn't mean there isn't space for her to love you."
Readers were on the author's side, even suggesting to leave her husband
