30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else

"Parents often try to use guilt to get their kids to 'fess up' or do the right thing," Professor Degges-White, from Northern Illinois University, told Bored Panda.

The professor explained that guilt triggers the part of the brain that's associated with our empathy for others, so we're holding back information from someone we care about, we become focused on how this lack of honesty affects our relationship with others. This works similarly for when we let someone down.

"Guilt is a feeling that results when we've engaged in activities that are harming or distressing other people. As a rule, people don't take pleasure in harming other people—especially the people they are close to," she said.

According to Professor Degges-White, confessing secrets helps get rid of the cognitive dissonance that we'd been dealing with. "When we 'fess up' about the knowledge that we've been holding onto—whatever secret we were keeping or white lie we were telling—it removes a great deal of cognitive dissonance and we feel better about being honest than we did when we were intentionally withholding information from another," she explained to Bored Panda.

"Whether it's nurture or nature, most people do not enjoy lying by omission or commission to others—honesty is a quality that most cultures value. Even when we're confessing to something that we feel shame for having done, the cognitive dissonance that's removed when we tell the truth and reveal the secret can be tremendous."

The truth can set us free. We really do feel better when we’ve confessed to doing something wrong or when we decide to talk about what’s been bothering us. However, at the same time, it’s inevitable that some individuals from our social circle will look at us differently.

Whether because they realize that we’re not the people they came to know or due to how our family history might make them feel very uneasy. Sometimes, withholding certain information and going for white lies is the right way forward. It all really depends on the specific situation. There’s really no one-size-fits-all approach here: you’ve got to decide what’s best for you and your nearest and dearest.

A while back, relationship coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda that transparency is vital for the health of romantic and familial relationships. We’ve got to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and see how they’d feel if we’re ever having any doubts about whether to keep something secret or to spill the beans.

"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," the expert told us.

"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place."

According to relationship coach Alex, smaller instances of trust being broken can take a while to get past. However, for larger offenses, “be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."

Meanwhile, relationship and dating expert Dan Bacon, from The Modern Man, explained the difference between secrecy and privacy to us.

“In a relationship, secrecy is about keeping secrets from the other person, whereas privacy is when you are free from being observed or disturbed by the other person,” he told Bored Panda. According to him, emotionally independent people who are confident and happy “regardless of what the other person says or does” will be all right giving each other some space.

However, needy people are far less likely to give others privacy because they need “the other person’s attention to make themselves feel okay on a daily basis.”

“Each relationship is different in terms of secrecy and privacy, but for a relationship to work, both people need to fully trust each other and allow the other person to take responsibility for that trust on their own,” relationship expert Dan said.

“In other words, there’s no need to continually remind the other person about being trustworthy, demand it, or sulk about it. Just give your trust to the other person and let them take care of it. If they break your trust, then that is their mistake. However, if you regularly demand that they be trustworthy and make them promise not to cheat or betray you, then that is your mistake.”

The expert noted that it’s not always necessary to tell the other person absolutely everything. “Sometimes, past truths can ruin the current relationship,” he said that withholding some information is fine if you’re no longer the person you used to be and you’ve atoned for your mistakes.