Loving relatives or other close people means, in particular, respecting their feelings, trying, if possible, not to hurt them. Unfortunately, we do not know how to read the thoughts of other people, and are not able to predict how one or another of our actions will affect them. Unfortunately - because otherwise many sad life situations could have been avoided easily.
Like this story posted on the AITA Reddit community by user u/Book-worm1991, for example. Several years have passed since the original publication, and we can only hope that everything is fine in the author's family, and she eventually managed to repair relations with her sister - especially since no one wanted to hurt each other.
The author's sister had a pregnancy loss four years ago and after going to therapy, decided to stay childfree
Image credits: Book-worm1991 (not the actual photo)
The author did her best to support her sister in this difficult situation, so did their mother
Image credits: Book-worm1991
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Book-worm1991
After sending relatives ultrasound pictures of her own daughter, the author got a demand from her sister to stop sending these images
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Book-worm1991
When the author's daughter was nine months old, they visited her relatives and the aunt politely held the baby, yet felt upset later
The Original Poster (OP) says that it all started four years before the events described, when her sister had a miscarriage without even realizing she was pregnant. Despite the fact that the author of the post lives several hundred kilometers away, she tried to support her in this grief as much as possible, to deliver joyful emotions in order to bring her loved one out of a difficult mental state.
Anyway, the OP's sister went through therapy, after which she decided she didn't want to have children any more. A decision that the author of the post, as she herself says, accepted with respect and understanding. Moreover, when, after some time, the woman found out about her own pregnancy, she tried to present this information to her sister as tactfully as possible so as not to hurt her feelings.
As the original poster recalls, the sister took the news with visible joy, and said that she would be the best auntie ever. But just a week later, the OP experienced a shock when she started bleeding and got told her body was threatening to miscarriage. However, this time everything worked out - a week later the doctors told the expectant mother that everything was in order with her child. To celebrate, she sent the image to all the relatives - and this upset her sister so much she asked her mother to tell the OP not to send her pictures anymore.
No sooner said than done. For the rest of her pregnancy, the OP remained calm - and even when her daughter was finally born, she tried to protect her sister from an overabundance of information about her little niece. But when the girl was nine months old, she and her husband went to see the relatives, and the sister as well. However, this time the new mom's fears turned out to be unnecessary - the woman was delighted with her niece, willingly held her in her arms and even posed for a joint photo.
After some time, the sister texted the original poster with a request to send her that very picture where she was holding the baby in her arms. The author of the post did that - and after some time her mother called her and said that she had acted extremely imprudently, because her sister, when she saw the photo, burst into tears and was extremely upset. Moreover, after a conversation with the sister, it got even worse - after all, she said that she deliberately asked her mother to call the OP, and even blamed her as she felt that the OP was "rubbing her happiness in her face."
Image credits: Vlad Fonsark (not the actual photo)
"After a pregnancy loss, some people will find the sight of pregnant women and babies upsetting," the British Miscarriage Association states. "Perhaps you could send a card or a text and check how they feel before visiting." As you can see, the OP's sister was well aware of the kind of feelings her sister could experience after their visit, even four years after that tragic moment in her life.
"In general, the behavior of the author of this story does her only credit. She tried to support her sister as much as possible in a difficult situation, and even after so many years she took care of her mental health," notes Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment. "Of course, it was a bit wrong to send her that ultrasound picture, but after the woman experienced shock and then was reassured by the doctors, few will accuse her of inconsistency."
"In any case, it seems to me that the this woman's sister, as well as her mother, still cannot recover from this tragic moment in their lives, so it would be worthwhile to advise them both to go through more therapy in order to finally let it go. Especially since now they have a granddaughter and a niece, and this is probably the best solution in case of preventing possible unpleasant situations in the future," Irina believes.
People in the comments generally agreed with the expert, noting that the situation looks like the mother of the sisters still seems to be painfully reliving that story, and it is her reaction that influences the behavior of the OP's sister. "Honestly, it kind of sounds like your mother is the problem here, not your sister?" some of the commenters wrote. In any case, most people are sure that the OP has nothing to reproach herself for, and her sister really "should do herself the favor of a few therapy sessions to reconcile herself with her loss."
Meanwhile, not all relatives in such difficult situations behave as decently as the heroine of our story did. For example, this woman's sister found nothing better to do than seduce her husband while she was losing a baby, and this story turned out to be as sad as possible. If you have something to say on this tale as well, please feel free to leave your comments below.
People in the comments believe that the author's sister should have a few new therapy sessions to finally let this situation go
