You'd think that a person who puts his family first is a desirable candidate for a serious romantic relationship. However, for Reddit user Throwaway-9873 it was actually the reason why he got into a huge fight with his girlfriend.
In a post on the popular subreddit 'Am I the [Jerk]?', he explained that the woman got mad because he contributes to his sister's rent and demanded that he help her pay off her student debt instead. I guess it's true what they say, more money, more problems.
This man was helping out his sister financially while she was earning her Master's degree
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
But his girlfriend thought she was exploiting him
Image credits: DNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
As the story went viral, the original poster (OP) provided more context for the situation
Image credits: 401(K) 2012 (not the actual photo)
He really appreciated people sharing their opinions about the whole ordeal
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Throwaway-9873
And issued another update after his ex wanted to get back together
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Throwaway-9873
As this story shows, rushing a relationship without getting to know a person can lead to serious conflict, especially when it comes to money
Image credits: Budgeron Bach (not the actual photo)
The original poster (OP) mentioned that looking back, this whole thing could've been avoided if he had taken the time to get to know his now-ex-girlfriend and wouldn't have moved in with her so fast. And there might be a fair amount of truth to it.
Of course, every couple moves at its own pace and has its own milestones, but this decision is a big step, so you need to assess just how ready you are.
"If you think of a new relationship as a life transition, then you can give the relationship at least 1 year to wait to make the leap to cohabitate," Kim Egel, a marriage and family therapist in Cardiff, California, said.
Research from 2017 discovered that from 2011–2015, 70% of marriages among women under 36 years old started with at least 3 years of cohabitation before marriage.
Egel thinks that if you're feeling unsure, you should have more intimate conversations around the future.
"Factor in important topics such as want for a family, finances, and emotional readiness," she suggested. "These are topics that can help deepen a connection, or show where there is work and a conversation to be had."
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Sadly, this experience isn't a standalone example. 48% of Americans who are married or living with a partner say they argue with the person over money, according to a survey by The Cashlorette. Most of those fights are about spending habits: 60% said that one person spends too much or the other is too cheap.
These conflicts can have serious consequences. In many cases, they are the number one predictor of whether or not you’ll end up divorced, according to a study of more than 4,500 couples.
“Financial disagreements did predict divorce more strongly than other common problem areas like disagreements over household tasks or spending time together,” the authors of the study concluded.
Everyone was really happy to hear that the man managed to stay calm and collected
