Sometimes we see something on a show or in a movie that just makes us wonder “do they really, actually do that in real life?” and interestingly enough, there are times when we find out - they do!
For example, we’ve all seen scenes where an abused person gets separated from their partner by hospital staff and is thus rescued. Turns out that there are people who believe this is some secret knowledge and that men shouldn’t know such things. At least this poster’s friend thinks so and wasn’t shy about giving her an earful about it.
More info: Reddit
A woman's friend got majorly upset with her when she told her BF about abuse prevention systems in hospitals, saying that she "damaged the system"
Image credits: CDC (not the actual photo)
The poster had to go to the ER and took her boyfriend along with her, in order to make sure her concerns were heard by doctors and he may have come off as aggressive because of it
Image credits: Martha Dominguez de Gouveia (not the actual photo)
The nurses subtly pulled the poster aside, asking if everything was okay and if she needed any help
Image credits: Silent-Status2362
The BF was told what happened and he wasn't upset in the slightest, but her friend said that he shouldn't have been told anything, implying that men shouldn't even know such things
Today’s story is truly an odd one. Sometimes, when you’re reading something, in the first few lines you just understand who the villain in the story is and why. Villain may be slightly too strong a word for this antagonist, but what’s worse is that her reasoning is pretty difficult to parse on top of that too.
It all stems from intimate partner abuse prevention systems. You can see them in a lot of media, honestly, especially more grim ones, like shows about crime or healthcare professionals. The premise is simple - hospital staff notice that someone’s partner is weirdly clingy, possessive or aggressive, they find a way to separate them, if for a minute, and ask them a couple of questions to make sure that everything is okay.
Trained professionals with a lot of experience likely have a keen eye for such situations and most likely are quick on their feet, because trying to help people in these spots is no easy task. So when the author of the story had to go to the ER and took her boyfriend to help her with doctors who’d rather discredit a woman’s pain as “hysteria”, that also set off a couple of alarm bells to some nurses.
They pulled her aside with the “old trick” of having some extra paperwork to fill out to separate them, where they mentioned that her boyfriend seemed to be oddly aggressive and made sure that she isn’t experiencing any kind of abuse. When they were all clear that the BF was only there to protect the poster from doctors abusing her, everyone went on their merry way.
Before we move on, let’s not forget that it’s total bull patootie (to say the very least) that a woman has to take a guy with her just for a doctor to listen to her very real concerns without discrediting them. Honestly, it happens far more often than it really should, but sometimes the patients fight back, if not by changing the system, then at least ruining a doctor’s expensive shoes, as covered in another Bored Panda story.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
After that, everything was dandy. The BF asked her what the paperwork was and she gave it to him straight - the staff thought that you were aggressive and wanted to make sure you’re not abusive. The boyfriend’s absolute golden retriever reaction to this? “Well, that’s good! I’m glad they have protocols in place,” and everything was as it should be.
Unfortunately, this rankled with the poster’s friend, who was adamant that the author had just pretty much committed a cardinal sin against all women, everywhere. According to her, she “damaged the system” by letting a filthy male find out all the secret details of how medical staff try to prevent abuse.
The whole complaint seems naive as most abusers already know not to take their injured partner to the hospital or any other authorities, as they may be sniffed out. Besides, as nonstop2nowhere pointed out in a comment, medical professionals have a lot more tricks up their sleeves to help victims of abuse besides the ones you get to see on TV. I also have to say that considering how much of a good guy the BF seems from the story, it’s unlikely that he will go meet up with some abusers and “spill” everything to them.
Oh, and guys get abused too, so perhaps no one should know the secret details at all.
Now, if you’re not a health professional, you can still intervene. According to the Office on Women’s Health, if you notice a partner insulting your friend in public, them with unexplained injuries or marks, or suddenly cutting contact with other friends and family, there’s cause to act.
For a start, it’s very important to reach out in a safe way to talk to them in private. Once that’s done, you should explain your concerns, while being supportive, and making sure you get across the fact that you only want the best for them. If possible, you could offer specific help, like transportation, accommodation, childcare - something they agree with and that would help them get themselves out of that situation.
Your tone is important - you shouldn’t make them feel small or ashamed for what is happening, don’t guilt trip them either. It’s important to get across that your only desire is to help and that you understand how difficult it is for them.
You can find more tips on the aforementioned website, but don’t forget that if the situation is critical, you may need to call 911 for a welfare check. After all, it may be a matter of life or death.
With that said, what are your thoughts on the story? Do you have any similar experiences or tips for helping victims of abuse? Make sure to share everything important in the comments below.
The community backed the poster up, saying that her friend was being very naive for thinking that abusers don't already know such things
