Hello fellow readers. I F(37) and my brother live together (38) (Let's call him Brandon). He purchased a nice house and he has a guest bedroom and offered for me to come live with him since I am fairly new to this city and rent is beyond expensive where we live. So we decided on how much rent I would be paying each month and I moved in. Quick background on my brother. He is hard working, well respected by both my family and his peers. He has a great career and he's very much admired by all including myself. That being said, he is a hard a**. He can be really condescending to me at times and is very strict with the rules of his home. He can be a tyrant but I know how to deal him in my own ways. So here it is. I met a guy (44) (let's call him Arron) and we hit it off immediately. I mean this man is the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring, funny, lovable human being. I mean I have been the most unluckiest woman when it comes to dating. I date monsters for a living. Very successful at it. But Arron, is a breath of fresh air. He makes me laugh, he treats me well, he brings me lunch at work, he always thinks of me when he's out shopping, he buys me little things to make me smile. It also helps that he's a total smoke show. I mean the man is blazing hot. The attraction meter is off the charts. He calls me beautiful Lynn. That's my name on his phone. I've never been this happy dating someone. We had started dating for a few months. Time... Of... My.. LIFE. So, one day, on my day off, he decided he wanted to bring me lunch at home, and I told Brandon that he would be coming by, and since Brandon wouldn't be home, I would get to have lunch together at my house. When I told Brandon he would be coming by, he said: "nope". And I said, well, why not? He just wants to come over and bring me lunch. Again, he said: "nope". He said: "What is it with women meeting men online and wanting them to come over their house so soon? It's too soon for that. And I was like, we'll we're dating.. We're not yet exclusive but he isn't dating anyone other than me and I'm not dating anyone other than him. Brandon was not having it. Then he turned around and went back to whatever he was doing. Honestly, Brandon had met Arron briefly when Arron picked me up for a date. Arron decided to go shake his hand and introduce himself and told him his occupation and had a quick chat. Brandon said no to him coming over because he likes to say no to me. He enjoys the power. He's controlling of his home. Everything between Arron and I went south after that. I didn't have the heart to tell him that my brother did not want him to come over, so I made up an excuse that I think we should take a pause on him coming over until he meets my brother. Arron thought it was completely weird. I told him we can keep dating and hanging out, but it can't be at my house, and eventually, my brother will invite him officially at some point. Arron was truly hurt and slightly offended. He even said, "wait, you're an adult woman who pays rent, and I can't come see you at your house? It's weird. Is there something you're not telling me?" I just asked that he just be patient with me. So we kept in touch and talked on the phone a lot and things weren't going well at all. We would just argue and not get along because we hadn't seen each other in weeks (I think). Now the relationship has dwindled all the way down and he decided to move on. I am heart broken beyond measure. I'm sad that this happened. I will never know the true potential of that relationship. I asked my brother's girlfriend for advice because he listens to her, and she agrees with him that Arron should not come over to the house and it's my brother's call. I feel so defeated. I'm sad and I feel like I missed out on an amazing person. I'm angry at my brother and also at Arron for not hanging in there with me until I found a solution like moving out. I am, by the way, moving out. I can't be in the same room as my brother because I resent him. He thinks it's no big deal that Arron dumped me. "Plenty of fish in the sea" he said. Everyone including my mother thinks it's no big deal.. Before I met Arron, I was a bit of a shut-in. Never went out, don't have any friends. After I met Arron, I was hitting the gym, getting my hair and nails done, (which I used to do but I stopped) making plans for the summer with him. Everyone was complimenting me on the way I've changed for the better, and how I looked glowing and happy. That's how much his presence in my life made me happy. He apparently got the same compliments from his parents telling him that he looks happy. I miss him so much. I need to know if I should be angry at my brother, or at Arron for not hanging in there with me. Any thoughts?
#1
Have you tried explaining to Aaron the real reason why he couldn't come to your brother's house? Truth and reasoning is the best thing to try with someone you love. Lies only lead to chaos. Then try explaining to your brother that he made you glow and how it would have been nice to have him around still. How he made you happy and better yourself. Don't yell or scream at him, try to calmly explaining why you wanted him to be around. Be truthful and straitfoward honest about how his decision made you feel. If you yell he's going to yell back or be angry your talking to him like that. When you move out try hanging out with Aaron again and tell him he can come over (if you want ofc) and let your love for him show that you are sorry. If rent/buying a house or apartment is super expensive where you live try getting a roommate that will split the rents with you! I hope all goes well with you!
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#2
Unfortunately, there is no negotiating with my brother. He is egomaniacal. I have finally moved out of his home and got a nice little apartment. Unfortunately, Aaron has moved on and has no interest in continuing the relationship that we had started. The irony..
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