"What Screams 'We Are Not Going To Last Long' For Couples?" (50 Answers)

Having a kid to "fix" their relationship.

When he smashes her face in the cake at the wedding and she hates it.

I was at a party one time and there was a marriage counselor there that had been working for 20 something years in couples counseling. I asked her what the number one sign was that the couple wasn't going to make it. Without hesitating, she said "If one person shows contempt for the others feelings, it's over!"

I always think of [the bird theory](https://archive.nytimes.com/op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/07/11/our-love-affair-with-predicting-divorce/). If one person says to the other, "oh look a bird" and the other doesn't want to connect over the bird (just looking at it and giving a "hey thanks, that's a cool bird") the relationship is not going to go well. Basically you have to be willing to make small every day connections. I find this is true of a lot of relationships outside of romantic or sexual ones as well.

I'm a big fan of John Gottman, a researcher on marital happiness and relationship stability. He can predict with over 90% accuracy which couples will make it and which couples will divorce just by observing how they interact. His books have a lot of insight into the little things you can do to build strength and resiliency into your relationship.

According to him, it's criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. I think once you get to contempt, it's difficult to recover.

Social media addiction. If the person constantly needs to show the world they have an SO, and that they are just soooooo happy together, and then gets mad that the other doesn’t post as much.

Social media addiction ruins relationships

If the relationship started by one of them cheating on their previous partner and then leaving them to be with this new person. I’ve witnessed two of these irl and both of them ended with, surprise, more cheating. Like I don’t know why you’d possibly think starting a relationship with someone who you already know isn’t faithful would be a good idea.

‘walking on eggshells’ around your partner in terms of what you can and can’t say. if you feel you can’t disagree with your partner and/or voice your opinion without it turning into an argument.

If all disagreements end in arguments. Me and my partner disagree about a lot of stuff. But we can talk, discuss, and even sometimes agree with the other person's side. It'd be weird if you saw eye to eye on 100% of stuff too.

When one person wants to "fix" the other. If your relationship is a repair project, you didn't fall in love with who they are. You fell in love with what you want them to be.

When we lost our child and he told me that he doesn’t believe in depression🙃

When you start calculating how much you give and receive in a relationship.

The way they speak to each other when they’re not alone.

I noticed this after my divorce and I started dating again, because you speak to these new people with a lot of respect and kindness. Then we’d get around married couples and they’d saw awful things to each other in nasty snappy tones, and it was jarring.

Fast forward ten years and all those couples I noticed doing that are divorced now.

When they argue over insignificant things like buying the wrong type of spaghetti sauce.

Edit: The spaghetti sauce was just an example and honestly I was half asleep when I wrote the original comment. I should have switched "argue" with "full on screaming matches, insults and name-calling." Regardless if someone bought the wrong spaghetti sauce, fights like that would happen in any toxic relationship for any reason.

If they have strongly conflicted plans for their future. Either means they'll break up eventually or one or both of them will end up in an unhappy compromise.

Opening marriage to fix problems

In my experience, huge expensive weddings.

Breaking up every few minutes and then back together again

if one or both of the people are controlling over the other

Sexual incompatibility