History and world culture clearly show us that adopted children often face bullying when they end up in families with biological kids. If you were asked, you could probably name a couple of books or movies off the top of your head that describe such cases, and perhaps you could name examples from real life, too. Alas, life is far from an endless holiday.
However, some situations are the opposite. For example, today's story, from the user u/Over_Hunter_2334, whose parents adopted him and his sister's longtime school bully years ago. However, let's just take things in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a younger sister, and he walked her down the aisle at her recent wedding
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The reason for this was their longstanding grudge over their parents' decision to adopt their school bully
Image credits: Over_Hunter_2334
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
That girl was the daughter of the parents' late friends, and they adopted her despite knowing about her mean behavior toward their own kids
Image credits: Over_Hunter_2334
Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So the brother and sister gradually cut ties with their parents and adopted sis—and they were all uninvited to the wedding
Image credits: Over_Hunter_2334
During the post-wedding party, the adopted sis expressed her wish to be walked down the aisle by her brother one day too, but he refused harshly and publicly
The Original poster (OP) has a sister who is two years younger, who recently got married, and he walked her down the aisle. The reason? Because the bride didn't invite her parents to the ceremony due to an old grudge.
When the author was 15, his parents' best friends died, and they decided to adopt their daughter. The author and his sister took this decision with extreme hostility because the girl—who was a year younger than our hero—had behaved extremely badly toward both of them from the very first day they met.
For example, she invariably framed the author, groundlessly accused him of peeping at girls changing at school (although it was in fact her own then-boyfriend), and showed his classmates photos of him as a toddler without clothes (God only knows where she got them).
Our hero also had undiagnosed kidney problems in early childhood—she told everyone that he had wet himself until he was eight. And so on. The original poster's sister faced a similar attitude from her.
We have to give the girl credit—after adoption, she drastically changed her behavior—but the years of bullying were not in vain and all the parents' efforts to reconcile the three teens were unsuccessful. Moreover, the sister and brother ended up estranged from their parents and adopted sis—and none of the three were invited to the wedding.
But after the ceremony, at a party where literally all the relatives were invited, the adopted sister expressed a wish that when she got married, the "brother" would also walk her down the aisle. To this, the OP harshly responded that he did not—and does not—consider her his family, and that he would never do that for her.
Family drama ensued, and some relatives accused the author of being vindictive and overreacting. However, his sister supported him, and so did the other part of the extended family. Perhaps they were simply more aware of the events that had taken place many years ago... Be that as it may, the man decided to seek support online.
Image credits: Ahmet ÇÖTÜR / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Interestingly, the situation described in this story is not that common, according to the experts. At least, research shows that it is often adopted children who suffer more from bullying and various mental issues in their families. At least, this is what historical experience says.
"Adoptive siblings often feel invisible in their families, as if their parents do not even see them anymore. They feel pushed to the side or rejected," the dedicated article on the National Council For Adoption's official website says. "Left alone long enough, adoptive siblings’ feelings of invisibility can become pervasive. They can begin to feel as if no one truly sees them."
A special role in this is given, of course, to parents. "Honor the sorrow and joy that co-exist in adoption. It can be difficult for parents to sit in the hurt their children are experiencing, especially when it is a direct result of a parent’s decision to adopt. It can be much easier to just dismiss the hurt, but that only leads to more hurt in the long-term," says this post on the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development website.
And from that perspective, the original poster's parents didn't act very wisely. They put their friendship and desire to give an orphaned teen a family above the hurt feelings of their own children. And the author writes this outright in one of the comments. "They really failed me. They made me live with her after everything. They might have loved her but I hated her," the OP admitted honestly.
In any case, the consensus among the original post responders was almost unanimous—the author and his sister did the right thing. "Why do your parents not want to walk her down the aisle?" someone wondered. "Cause they're [awful] hypocrites."
And people are also calling on the OP to just go his own way. "Stop engaging with all of them for peace of mind. Stop trying to explain. Answer ends at NO," another commenter wrote. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
The man was called out by his parents for "overreacting," but his sister and most commenters sided with him
