Being with your friends or family members on their special occasions is important - of course, if they invite you and you know that it’s what they want. Unfortunately, sometimes, these important days may overlap and you might be forced to do one of the hardest jobs - choose which one to attend.
However, while sometimes overlapping may be accidental, in some cases it may seem a little bit impossible for things to just coincide. For example, one Reddit user shared her story after her sister decided to plan her baby shower on her birthday.
More info: Reddit
The first baby shower may be one of the most beautiful celebrations for soon-to-be moms, but celebrating the 4th one the same may be a little bit weird
Image credits: Ami Suhzu (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that she had planned her birthday a couple months in advance, but her sister decided to host her baby shower on the same day
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
She then contacted her sister informing her that she would not be attending as she had already made plans, but she just got scolded for being selfish and not prioritizing family
Image credits: u/Major-Resource-2578
Later on, the parents were included, who insisted that the woman cancel her plans and go to her sister’s baby shower
A Reddit user took her story online seeking to hear community members’ opinions on whether she was in fact being a jerk for not going to her sister’s baby shower as it was on her birthday and she had already made plans. The post caught a lot of folks’ attention, collecting almost 5K upvotes.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by explaining that a few months in advance, she had organized her birthday celebration. However, her sister, who is pregnant with her 4th baby, decided to host her baby shower on the same day, knowing that it’s OP’s birthday.
OP immediately reached out informing her sister that she couldn’t attend, but just got scolded for being selfish and not prioritizing family. In addition to this, her sister informed their parents, who stood by her side, insisting OP cancel her plans and attend her sister’s celebration.
The community members, contrary to OP’s parents, supported her in this situation and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “NTA she knew it was your birthday, so its on her. Plus why is she having a baby shower for her fourth baby?” one user wrote. “SHE didn't prioritize family, keeping a baby shower on ur bday. NTA,” another emphasized.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
“Boundaries are our way of communicating 'this is what is okay for me and this is what isn't okay for me - please respect that'. And that is a vital part of a healthy relationship: respecting each other,” shared Sarah Siegert, expat friendship coach, with Bored Panda. “We need to have and communicate boundaries so that others even know what and how to respect us.”
She also added that if we don't know what our boundaries are and/or communicate them with friends and family, we leave the other person in the dark about what we want them to do and not do. “It's our responsibility to know what is and isn't acceptable to us and to let the other person know.”
Now, speaking about birthdays and potential emotional impact when loved ones forget them, Sarah emphasized that it actually depends on what every one of us think about it. “For some people it might lead to feeling sad, disappointed, unimportant. Thinking that family and friends don't care about them, that they are not worthy of anyone's love and attention, that they don't matter,” she noted. “For other people it might not be a big problem. They might be a bit annoyed and then accept it without feeling any negative emotions whatsoever.”
Sarah explained that it is like that because our feelings are created by our thoughts, not the circumstances we're in. “When you think that your friends and family don't love you because they forgot your birthday, you will feel a negative emotion. When you think that your friends and family forgetting your birthday has nothing to do with whether they love you or not, you will feel a neutral emotion.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Finally, Sarah shared 3 pieces of advice on what to do when you have to choose between attending a family or friend’s event and celebrating your own special occasion.
- Take the drama out of the story. What has actually happened? What are the facts of the situation? Strip away all the opinions, thoughts, judgements and look at the bare facts. The facts can be that you have planned a birthday party and your sister planned a baby shower on the same day - those are the facts.
- Based on the facts, you now get to choose what you want to think about these facts. Focus on them and ask yourself, what do you want to feel and do? Based on that, find thoughts that will create these feelings for you and that will allow you to act in that way.
- You can also ask yourself, what is more important to me and why? And make sure that you love your reasons for it. If your birthday party is more important to you because you have planned it for months and are excited for it, then go ahead with your plans and let your sister have her baby shower. Take responsibility for how you feel and what you do and don't let circumstances like other people or other plans ruin that.
So, folks, don’t forget to check out Sarah’s Instagram page! And speaking about the story - what are your thoughts on it? Should the woman have attended her sister’s baby shower or did she do the right thing? Share your takes in the comments below!
Redditors backed up the woman and were surprised that people still have so many showers after the first one or two
