Parental favoritism can hurt kids by hindering their self-esteem and fostering strained sibling relationships. It can also lead to feelings of jealousy, resentment, and guilt, ultimately affecting both the favored and the less favored child.
One netizen was horrified when her sister asked her if she could look after her one son, because she and her husband were taking the other to Disney World. She told her sister that she’s a lousy mom for playing favorites, then went online to share her story.
More info: Reddit
Parents playing favorites can hurt their kids—something this woman wasn’t shy about telling her sister
Image credits: Vika Glitter / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her sister had asked her if she could look after one of her kids, because she was taking the other one to Disney World
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When the woman asked her sister why both kids weren’t going, she said that her husband was only paying for their biological kid to go
Image credits: Bo shou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman’s sister’s reasoning was that her husband shouldn’t be expected to pay for a kid that isn’t his
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When the woman confronted her about how wrong that was, her sister ended up swearing at her and hanging up, leaving her to ask netizens is she was overreacting
OP, 26, took to an online community to vent about her older sister Emma, 30, who asked her for a huge favor: could she watch 11-year-old Eli for a week? The reason? Emma, her husband Jon, and their younger son AJ, 5, were heading to Disney World—without Eli.
Curious why her nephew wasn’t joining, OP asked what was up. Emma revealed that Jon had only paid for himself, her, and AJ—his biological kid. Eli, from a previous relationship, was being left behind. Instead of expressing concern, Emma excitedly talked about Disney character meet-and-greets and roller coaster rides.
That’s when OP couldn’t stay quiet anymore. She pushed back, saying it was cruel to exclude Eli and that being a stepfather means stepping up. Emma, however, defended her husband, claiming he wasn’t obligated to spend money on “a child that isn’t his.” That’s when the gloves came off—OP let her sister know she was being a lousy mom.
The argument escalated fast. Emma clapped back that the child-free OP had no right to give parenting advice. OP stood her ground, however, saying that you don’t need kids to know their decision could emotionally scar Eli. The call ended with Emma cursing at her and hanging up. Now, she’s turned to netizens to ask if she overreacted.
It’s hardly up to an aunt to see that her nephews aren’t treated differently, but OP makes a good point. So, just how detrimental is parental favoritism? We went looking for the facts.
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In his article for East Lake Pediatrics, Dr. Mike Jordan writes that playing favorites among children is more common than many realize. Studies indicate that up to 40% of people felt lonely growing up in families where favoritism existed. Whether intentional or not, favoritism can harm childhood relationships, self-esteem, and adult mental health.
According to Jordan, favoritism doesn’t always mean outright neglect or love imbalance—it’s often about how parents unconsciously interact with each child. It can be subtle (tone of voice, patience levels, or small gestures) or overt (differences in discipline, rewards, or responsibilities).
In her article for the BBC, Debra Dennett writes that, for the person who feels like they are treated as second-best, the consequences can be profound. Research suggests that from an early age, children are aware of differential treatment. Such perceived parental favoritism has been associated with low self-esteem in children, as well as childhood anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems.
According to Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology at Northeastern University in the US, “Preferential treatment may begin for parents due to one child being easier to parent, they may relate to that child more, and see similarities between them and the child."
So, while parental favoritism seems impossible to avoid completely, taking it to the extreme like OP’s sister is doing is probably not going to end well for either of her kids. She’s not just leaving one child at home; she’s also depriving the other of experiencing the holiday as a complete family.
Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Tirrell De Gannes, therapist at Thriving Center of Psychology to get his take on the situation.
When we asked him whether the mom's decision to leave one kid behind would affect both kids, he had this to say, "Taking one child to Disney as the mother of both clearly indicates favoritism even if it’s not intended. The father of the child has already chosen to only treat his biological child as his which is his prerogative though against the spirit of marriage,"
Dr. De Gannes added, "The child going to Disney is old enough to recognize the sibling will be missing and that will affect the sibling relationship as well as allow that child to mentally interpret his brother as an “other” in the family,"
De Gannes went on to say that, as a side note, people often fear judgement from others and deny criticism they see as invalid because of a lack of shared experience. In some cases that is a valid reason to deny criticism but in others, it is apparent that there are consequences from our actions being ignored.
"The mother from this post is clearly captivated with the idea of enjoying a trip and has seemingly lost sight of the impact on both of her children in separating them for family events," concluded De Gannes.
How would you have handled the situation if you’d been in OP’s shoes? Do you agree that what her sister is doing doesn’t exactly make her parent of the year? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, netizens swiftly concluded that the woman wasn’t overreacting, with some suggesting she make her time with Eli as much fun for him as possible
