It’s been said that you hurt the ones you love the most. Perhaps pain inflicted by a loved one hurts even more because it’s so unexpected. After all, if you can’t trust your family, who’s left?
One woman was left feeling bereft after coming to the conclusion that her little sister wasn’t planning on inviting her or her family to her wedding. Hurt and confused, she turned to Mumsnet to lament her situation.
More info: Mumsnet
Pain in life is inevitable, but you don’t expect it to be inflicted by your own family
Image credits: Spora Weddings / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Woman hosted little sister’s religious and cultural wedding ceremony at her house
Image credits: NUR DOĞAN / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Woman knew sister also had a civil ceremony and traditional English wedding planned
Image credits: Alem Sánchez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Sister eagerly revealed all her wedding plans, but failed to invite woman or any family
Image credits: Namechange9472
Hurt and confused, the woman turned to the web for some outside perspective on the rejection
OP begins her story by telling the community that her family’s not English, but that her sister is marrying an English guy. She goes on to explain that she hosted a religious wedding and small cultural ceremony for the couple at her house, an event that was attended by the groom’s whole family, catered for by her mom, and paid for by her dad.
The family knew that the sister would go on to have a civil ceremony (as well as a traditional English wedding) this year but were shocked to not receive any invitations. OP adds that her sister’s been spilling all the details about the grand event but hasn’t mentioned an exact date.
OP says she’s now figured out when the ceremonies are and expected at least a verbal invite, but nothing. She goes on to add that the groom’s family are coming in from everywhere and that the groom regularly eats at her mom’s house, so it’s not like there’s been a lack of opportunity to discuss the lavish affair or extend an invitation.
She says she’s bereft and a bit shell shocked. She’s also confused as to why she and her family might be excluded, and worried about how best to navigate her relationship with her selfish sister in the future.
In an update to her original post, OP adds that her sister can be prone to toxic behavior, which the family has learned to sidestep by avoiding conflict.
The bride’s family did nothing but support and accept her decision to marry outside the culture, so why were they sidelined? It’s only natural that OP and her family should be feeling rejected.
Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In her article for Psychology Today, Michelle P. Maidenberg writes that, in a study measuring neurological responses to social rejection, the brain system showed significant activations in certain regions.
The study’s results proved that our experience with rejection is comparable to that of physical pain. Since our most basic human needs include connection and social acceptance, when that’s at risk, it literally hurts us.
In her book, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone, Lori Gottlieb explains that this is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history. We existed in cooperative societies and, for most of history, we depended on those groups for survival.
"When somebody rejects us, there's a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival," says Gottlieb.
Maidenberg puts forward 8 ways to manage rejection. Some include practicing acceptance, processing your feelings and linking them directly to your values, treating yourself compassionately, not allowing rejection to define you, and being curious about your expectations and attachments.
But what if OP is blaming herself for her sister’s rejection? In her article for Choosing Therapy, Jennifer Hickson writes that there are some people who can only criticize themselves and always view themselves in a negative light.
Hickson suggests some pointers to start turning your self-rejection into self-acceptance. These include challenging your inner critic and replacing self-loathing thoughts with more positive ones, engaging in activities you enjoy to build up your self-worth and confidence, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate your good attributes.
Perhaps OP would do well to confront her sister about the snubbing so she can uncover the reason for the rejection and start dealing with it proactively. Ignoring it may only lead to more unpleasantness in the relationship.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Why do you think the sister snubbed her own family? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Netizens urged the woman to ask her sister about it as soon as possible and speculated that the family’s attendance at the wedding might be assumed
