“Not Like You’ve Got Anything Going On”: Mom Shocked After Insult Leaves Her Without A Babysitter

Being an aunt is great; you get to spend quality time with the kids you love dearly, but at the end of the day or the weekend, they go back home to your sibling, and you go back to peace and quiet.

While it’s true that child-free people usually get to enjoy more moments of peace and quiet, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t do anything with their time or that they don’t know what stress is. Though this is exactly what this woman’s sister, a mom of three, suggested, as she was asking the OP to babysit her kids.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a Professor of Sociology at the University of Maine, author of Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence, Dr. Amy Blackstone, who agreed to share her insight on childcare and being child-free.

It’s no secret that not everyone is equally keen on becoming a parent. For a seemingly increasing number of people, having children is simply not in the plans, for one reason or another. According to the Pew Research Center, close to 60% of adults under 50 who believe they’re unlikely to ever have kids say a major reason is that they simply don’t want to. Roughly a third of childless people ages 50 and older cite this as a reason they never had kids.

According to the aforementioned source, “the share of U.S. adults younger than 50 without children who say they are unlikely to ever have kids rose 10 percentage points between 2018 and 2023 (from 37% to 47%),” showing that an increasing number of people opt out of having children of their own. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t watch their siblings’ kids, for instance, or look after their friends’ little hell raisers.

It’s not uncommon for parents to turn to their loved ones, with or without children, for help with raising their kids or babysitting. It’s also not unheard of for female family members, especially, to be expected to take on a caregiving role in the family, even if they don’t have kids of their own.

Talking about why that is, Professor of Sociology at the University of Maine, Dr. Amy Blackstone, noted that the concepts of womanhood and motherhood are so intertwined that to disentangle them is nearly impossible for many people. “We socialize girls from the moment they are born to think of themselves as mothers. They're given baby dolls that teach them nurturing skills, kitchen sets and toy vacuums, and doll houses to help them imagine their future walls as homemakers, and hair and makeup kits to remind them of the importance of maintaining their feminine looks while keeping their homes.”

While that in no way means that a brother, for instance, can’t be asked to help out with babysitting, people often turn to the sisters, mothers, and grandmothers in the family first when it comes to childcare.

Some people might think that—whether it’s a brother, a sister, a cousin, or a friend—child-free people might have a lot of time on their hands just because they don’t have children, similarly to what the OP’s sister believed. But just because they don’t have little ones of their own to look after, it doesn’t mean they don’t have other things to do or that they will be available whenever the parent needs their help. That’s why it’s important for child-free individuals to set healthy boundaries with people, including family members, who expect them to help with childcare.

“We all have lives and interests and passions that are important to us, whether we have children or not, and I think the first step is for childfree people to fully embrace whatever those pursuits happen to be for themselves without shame. Many are able to do this, but for some it can be a struggle, particularly if they face pressure from family or friends to have children of their own,” Prof. Blackstone told Bored Panda.

“The next step is to be clear with family members about where one's boundaries are and be prepared for the reality that some family members may not be accepting of those boundaries. It is not the childfree person's responsibility to make others feel comfortable with their decision not to have children but it is their responsibility to be clear about their own boundaries.”

According to the expert, one way to do this is to let others in on the things you're passionate about as a childfree person. “For example, if family members ask the childfree person in their lives to help out with childcare on occasion, perhaps the childfree person has a pet who needs pet sitting that family members can help out with.

“Or if childcare is totally not of interest, be honest about that. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling a family member that you love and support them and would like to support them in ways other than providing childcare,” Prof. Blackstone said. “Being prepared to offer examples of alternative ways that you can provide support could be helpful, but I believe the responsibility lies with both parties.”

The OP didn’t need to look for alternative ways to show love and support to her sister; she was fine with babysitting her kids. That was, however, until the mom-of-three made comments about how her sister spends her time, as after hearing that, the OP was in no mood to look after anyone. Netizens in the comments were unanimous, saying that refusing to babysit the kids didn’t make the redditor a jerk in the situation.