Nobody deserves to be mistreated by their family members. Nurturing your relationships with your family requires a lot of consistent and hard work. It means respecting each other, enforcing healthy boundaries, providing support when needed, and communicating during a major disagreement. However, these relationships are meant to be a two-way street.
It’s a major issue if you’re constantly being taken advantage of. It’s one thing to lend a helping hand. It’s another thing entirely if you’re treated as an unpaid servant. Redditor u/Pretend_Mode_9494 went viral on the AITAH community after sharing a very sensitive story about how she finally stood up to her sister, who manipulated her into babysitting for free. You’ll find the full story below. Bored Panda reached out to the author of the story, u/Pretend_Mode_9494, and she was kind enough to tell us more about what happened with her sister. You'll find her thoughts as you read on.
Family is family, but if you feel that you're constantly being taken advantage of, then things are far from right
Image credits: dvatri (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how she finally stood up to her sister, who kept guilt-tripping her into working as a free babysitter
Image credits: nenetus (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tirachard (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pretend_Mode_9494
"I can't believe that at first I didn't see my sister's behavior was so bad and tried to excuse it"
According to the author, she'd been meaning to post another update about her story, but she's been exhausted due to the entire situation. "CPS [Child Protective Services] has been in touch, the family court date is set, and we let them know we wouldn't be willing to take the boys unless absolutely necessary due to our health issues," u/Pretend_Mode_9494 revealed to Bored Panda.
"I have a chronic illness, and my fiancé is in a wheelchair, and we simply don't have the room in our apartment to add their stuff and keep it wheelchair accessible. We are not in the loop as much now as we refused to house the kids. It breaks my heart, but it's something we wouldn't recover from. There's a reason we don't want kids at all," she explained the situation.
According to the author, she first felt confused and like she was scrambling. However, writing everything out online and describing all the events made her sister's toxic behavior much clearer.
She advised anyone stuck in a similar situation as her to either write everything out or to talk to someone completely outside the situation to get their perspective.
"I can't believe that at first I didn't see my sister's behavior was so bad and tried to excuse it. Another piece of advice I got and that really helped is to put down boundaries. They helped me to protect my mental health and peace. I had my fiancé go through my sister's messages at first to protect me as I would've crumbled under the insults, so having someone act as a barrier really helped."
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Manipulative individuals use many different tactics to pressure someone into behaving a certain way
According to WebMD, one of the signs that a person might be trying to manipulate you is trying to make you feel guilty.
“A manipulator can skew any situation to make themselves the victim. Or they might remind you of times they've helped you out, making it seem like you owe them.”
Meanwhile, manipulators are likely to make you doubt yourself. Often, they complain and get angry in front of others to pressure you and force you to behave the way they want. This is especially effective if their targets tend to avoid conflict.
Furthermore, manipulative individuals compare you to others, put you down, use threats, and tend to give out ultimatums.
Others, however, may try to charm you in order to build trust and then make you do what they want.
Nobody should feel like they’re being mistreated by the people who are supposed to be their biggest supporters.
If you believe that you’re being taken advantage of by your relatives—being asked to babysit for free, constantly doing chores for them, etc.—it’s important that you speak up and address these issues.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. Sure, family is family. But that doesn’t mean that you should be forced to sacrifice hours upon hours of your free time every single day.
You have your own life to live. You have your career, family, chores, hobbies, social life, and responsibilities to take care of. But if you’re consistently forced to put those things on the back burner for the sake of your relatives, it’s not a healthy dynamic, and it needs to be changed.
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
After you've clarified your boundaries to yourself, it's then time to communicate about them with your family
It’s very likely that you’ll have to remind your relatives of your boundaries and then enforce them if they keep getting ignored.
However, before you even start enforcing your boundaries with your family, you should think about what these boundaries are. The more clarity you have for yourself, the better for everyone.
“Spend time journaling and talking with other people to identify what your needs, limits, and values are,” licensed marriage and family therapist Elizabeth Campbell told Time magazine.
Next, once you’ve wrapped your head around what your boundaries actually are, it’s time to articulate them. That might mean setting out some simple ground rules so that everyone’s on the same page.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Laurie Carmichael suggests having a basic conversation template, such as: “If you say or do X again, I will need to do Y.”
“It’s very clearly naming what it is and saying what’s going to happen. That’s different from a request,” she said, that you’re making clear where your lines are and what you will and won’t tolerate from now on. Boundaries are enforceable, while requests are not.
“There’s no need for fluff or apologizing. Just get to the point in a clear, kind way,” the therapist urged people to embrace briefness and directness rather than vagueness.
Meanwhile, it’s vital that you prioritize your self-care while also respecting your family members’ own boundaries.
What are your thoughts about the entire situation, dear Pandas? What would you have done if you were in the author’s shoes? Have you ever had a close family member try to pressure you like this? Have you ever worked as a free babysitter? Let us know what you think in the comments below.
Most readers were very supportive of the author, who later shared more context in the comments
After some time passed, the author shared a few more important updates about how her relationship with her sister deteriorated
Image credits: macniak (not the actual photo)
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pretend_Mode_9494
Here's how the internet reacted after reading the important updates
