“Sister Wants My Wedding Because It Doesn’t Count As I’m Gay”

Though it’s obvious to many people in the West that love is love, some folks still cling to old prejudices. It’s one thing to say that you support the LGBTQ+ community. It’s another to show it with real tangible deeds.

Case in point, redditor u/Annual-Zucchini-9597 turned to the r/EntitledPeople online community to vent her frustrations. As it turns out, her parents, and especially her sister, believe that the OP’s gay wedding may be deserving of less financial support. Instead, the family plans to save the funds for the redditor’s sister’s Big Day. Read on for the full story.

Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral post, redditor u/Annual-Zucchini-9597. She was kind enough to answer our questions about the situation with her family.

“It wasn’t ever really about the money to me as I hadn’t asked for it in the first place, it was more about my sister getting what she wanted always even if it was at my expense,” redditor u/Annual-Zucchini-9597 shared her thoughts on the situation with Bored Panda.

“I don’t know whether it’s jealousy that I was getting married and she wasn’t engaged yet, needing to always be the golden child, or if she does have some underlying homophobia,” she mused about why her sister behaved as she did.

We also wanted to get the OP’s thoughts on how someone can tell that they’re ready for marriage. “I just knew that if I was to have Lena taken out of my life I’d be so sad, I want to make my own family with them,” she revealed.

The OP identifies as bisexual while her wife-to-be is gay. According to the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, a bisexual person is someone who can be attracted to more than one gender. According to the HRC Foundation’s research, some studies suggest that "50 percent of people who identify as either gay, lesbian or bisexual, identify as bisexual," making the bisexual population the biggest in the LGBTQ+ community.

“People brush over bisexuality a lot. Often the focus of LGBTQ+ activism is focused on gay men, lesbians, and trans people,” u/Annual-Zucchini-9597 told Bored Panda.

“People who are bisexual are often excluded. Biphobia is very real, we’re told that we’re being greedy or we’re confused. We can decide properly once we’ve tried both,” she said.

“It’s a sexuality and just as valid as being lesbian or heterosexual.”

The author of the post was shocked that her own sister would work so hard against her. The sister convinced their parents that the OP’s wedding shouldn’t get as much support as her own. Frustrated, redditor u/Annual-Zucchini-9597 decided to disavow any and all financial help, no matter how small. Instead, she and her bride-to-be would pay for everything themselves.

The redditor’s story caused a wave of anger on r/EntitledPeople. Over 10.3k people upvoted the story. Some internet users shared that by favoring one sibling over the other, the parents were effectively showing who they love more. And this lack of respect will have consequences, sooner or later.

The OP pointed out in an update to her post that her family had never shown any signs of bigotry before this. “They’ve never been homophobic towards anyone or when I came out as bi, but I do wonder if a little part of them feel a straight wedding deserves more funding than a gay one?” she mused. However, she added that her sister “doesn’t think a gay wedding should be as important.”

Homophobia, the irrational dislike of or prejudice against members of the LGBTQ+ community, can have very real, very harmful effects in real-life. According to Verywell Mind, some of the ways that homophobia can manifest itself can be very subtle.

Other ways are far more overt. The latter includes bullying and outright harassment. The former can include various beliefs, like the idea that LGBTQ+ individuals don’t deserve equal rights or thinking that they have “an agenda.” Homophobic individuals might avoid any and all contact with LGBTQ+ people. Or they might make generalized statements about them. Others may hold on to the belief that members of the community don’t ‘deserve’ to get married. Or that their relationships aren’t as ‘valid’ as heterosexual ones.

Some of the reasons for homophobia are grounded in the lack of education and the fear of the unknown. Other people might have homophobic beliefs due to the nature of their religion, a lack of acceptance of their own identity, or even holding on to colonialist ideas about heterosexual relationships. Homophobia has adverse effects on members of the LGBTQ+ community, worsening their mental and physical health, causing them stress, forcing them to internalize feelings of shame, increasing their risk of substance abuse, and generally lowering their quality of life.

No matter the type of wedding, they can be pretty expensive affairs. It is understandable why someone might turn to their family for help. CNN reports that, based on the data collected by Zola, the average US wedding in 2023 will set you back around $29,000.

Of course, this number will look very different depending on the state and city where you’re planning on getting hitched. For instance, if you’re set on a wedding in New York City, expect to spend an average of $43,536. Meanwhile, if you’re in Boston, the average wedding celebration is going to cost you $35,902, compared to $33,199 in Washington, DC, and $30,712 in Los Angeles.

According to ‘Brides,’ it really helps if you can create a clear budget for your wedding. Find out exactly how much you and your partner are willing to spend on your Big Day. That way, you’ll know how much money you should aim to save until you say ‘I do’ to one another.

If your savings are too small, you can either cut back in certain areas or you can reach out to some friendly family members and ask them for some help. However, it’s very likely that you’ll have to adjust some parts of your budget as the wedding draws nearer. When thinking about every detail and aspect of your celebration of love, remember to ask yourself if it’s something absolutely non-negotiable or if you’ve got some flexibility. The same goes for the venue, food, band, bar, and clothing—figure out your priorities.