If you ask any average person what day they consider the most important in their entire life, then one's wedding will definitely be in the top ten. Indeed, for many people, a wedding still happens once in a lifetime, and of course you want it to be perfect, leaving just the most pleasant memories.
But a ‘dream wedding’ usually means a hefty budget, and while some newlyweds take out a wedding loan, others try to shift some of the financial burden onto relatives. As, for example, did the heroine of today’s story, the user u/RemarkableCrab3352.
The author of the post is a 23 Y.O. history student raising her daughter and planning a wedding with her boyfriend
Image credits: Shari's Berries (not the actual photo)
However, the bride-to-be is upset over lack of money for her 'dream wedding'
Image credits: u/RemarkableCrab3352
The woman asked her relatives to chip in and expected her well-off brother to contribute a hefty amount too
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/RemarkableCrab3352
To her indignation, he offered her four times less than she expected
Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/RemarkableCrab3352
In the heat of the moment, the woman refused to take this money, threatening to uninvite the brother from the upcoming wedding for being 'selfish'
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 23 years old, she studies history online, raising a 4 Y.O. daughter and about to marry her boyfriend who works in a research lab. As the woman herself admits, she did not manage to get a college degree, so now she is trying to catch up in order to become a history teacher in the future.
She and her fiancé are gradually saving money for their dream wedding, but what seriously upsets the author of the post is that this is a really long, long process. At the same time, there is always the example of her older brother and his wife before her eyes, who, working as doctors in a hospital and not planning any children, have the opportunity to save quite impressive amounts.
The author admits that all her family members are trying to contribute to her upcoming wedding, so she sincerely expected that her brother, as the most well-off of her relatives, would make the greatest financial contribution. And the brother did offer her money, but much less than the bride-to-be expected - £5K (around $6.5K).
Apparently, the disappointment was literally written on the OP’s face, because the brother asked what she was unhappy with. The woman bluntly stated that she expected at least £20K (~$26K) from him, and then added that if the brother does not want to chip in the required amount for the wedding, then she does not want to see him at the ceremony at all.
A completely expected argument then followed, and the future bride, offended by the ‘selfish’ sibling, subsequently dropped his calls. However, the only relative who condemned the OP's behavior in this situation was her own dad, who said that she was being too harsh on her brother. And yet, preparations for the wedding go on, and the family continues to fund the author of the post anyway...
Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)
Let's say right away that the wedding budget often becomes a sticking point when organizing a ceremony, sometimes causing real family tensions and dramas. At the same time, there are no unambiguous traditions or generally accepted rules about who should actually fund the wedding preparations. Each family has its own way, although historically the main financial burden falls on the bride's family with the groom's relatives contributing smaller amounts.
"Budget should be the first discussion couples have together and with their families - otherwise, you are planning in a bubble that may not be your reality," says Jove Meyer, a wedding planner from Brooklyn, N.Y., in an interview to MarthaStewart.com. "I know it is not fun or cute to talk about money, but it is super important, as it informs all of the other decisions around your wedding."
"In any case, the only selfish person in this situation - at least based on the information that we have, looks like just the bride-to-be," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, to whom Bored Panda turned for a comment on this case. "After all, she and her fiancé are adults, her brother is also an adult who has a family of his own, and he is absolutely not obliged to finance her 'dream wedding' in the amount that she expected."
“Perhaps, since childhood, parents and relatives had a preferential attitude towards the youngest daughter, and this influenced how she perceives the attitude of the whole family towards herself. But this is only an assumption. The reality, in my opinion, is that the brother’s offer looks quite generous, and her reaction in response is pure manipulation. And she should seriously think about this - if, of course, there was someone among her relatives who would tell her about it," Irina presumes.
As for the commenters, they massively condemned the original poster’s behavior, believing that she acted rude and absolutely inappropriately here. And, of course, was being overly selfish. According to folks in the comments, if the wedding budget does not match her vision of a ‘dream wedding,’ then it is worth either waiting a little longer to save up more money, or just make a smaller event. ‘Have a wedding you can actually afford without bankrupting your family and friends in the process,’ one of the commenters reasonably urged the bride-to-be.
However, weddings often provide us with an inexhaustible source of truly bizarre stories. Like this one - about a woman flipping out at her brother for picking her ‘dream venue’ for his own ceremony. Or about this would-be maid of honor who refused to take part in her sister’s wedding citing a lack of money for a flight - yet was seen at a posh resort soon after. We, in turn, are looking forward to your comments on the story we’ve told, so please feel free to express your points of view below this post.
At the same time, people in the comments unanimously stated that it was the bride who behaved selfishly and inappropriately here
