Oh, there’s no place like hoooome for the holidays…
Unless you don’t get along with your family. Then it might be best to go somewhere else…
Most of us love to be surrounded by our closest family members during the holiday season, but we don’t all have to celebrate the same way. If you live halfway across the world from your parents, it might not be feasible to go visit them. If you can’t take enough days off from work to travel, you might end up spending Christmas with your closest friends in town. Or if you have a tumultuous relationship with your family, it might be healthiest for you to set boundaries and spend the day without them.
However, sometimes, it’s just stubbornness that keeps us apart. Down below, you’ll find a story that one woman recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit explaining why she decided not to spend Christmas with her family, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her. Let us know in the comments below what you think about this situation, pandas, and feel free to share how you decided to celebrate the holidays this year as well. Then, if you’re interested in reading yet another Bored Panda article featuring family drama during the “most wonderful time of the year”, check out this story next!
After failing to tell her parents she would be skipping the Christmas gathering, this woman is now wondering if she should have handled the situation differently
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
Image credits: No_Review8351
She later responded to a few questions from readers and explained why she waited until the last minute to break the news
I understand what it’s like to spend Christmas away from your family members, as I’ve only been able to spend 1 out of the past 4 Christmases with my own family. But I certainly didn’t skip any celebrations out of spite. It was purely due to logistics of having to travel too far or miss too much work; if I could have spent every single Christmas with my parents and brothers, I happily would have. And while it’s a personal choice how anyone chooses to spend the holidays, it seems like missing an entire celebrating just to sleep in the same bed as the person you share a bed with every other night of the year is a tad bit petty.
As much as many families like to paint the perfect “Christmas card picture” of being happy, especially during the holidays, it’s actually incredibly common to be dealing with family drama this time of year. Suddenly living under the same roof as your parents and siblings and being constantly questioned about your love life and your career can be exhausting for people who have been living on their own for years, or even decades. In fact, one 2019 poll found that 75% of Americans admit to needing to escape from their families during the holidays. And on average, they can only tolerate 3 hours and 54 minutes with their relatives until they need to take a moment to themselves.
So how are we supposed to cope with the inevitable holiday drama? We don’t all want to skip the celebration altogether, but we also want to be careful not to damage our relationships because someone started discussing politics or asked when you’re going to start popping out babies. According to Charlotte Elkin, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at the Oscar Center, there are a few healthy ways to manage that holiday season familial stress.
Elkin says that before you even board that flight home, it is important to understand your expectations ahead of time. “Do a personal inventory of the reasons why you’re spending time with family during the holidays,” she notes. “If you feel like you’re going home solely to meet someone else’s needs rather than your own, it might be time to adjust your plans or your expectations.” It's also wise to come up with your own personal boundaries ahead of time. Know what topics will be off limits and how much time you will commit to spending with your family members to ensure you prioritize your own mental health.
Some readers assured the woman that she was not at fault
During the holidays, it’s also helpful to be mindful of substances. If you, or some of your family members, are particularly sensitive to alcohol, or likely to overindulge, remember that before the holiday cheer starts flowing. You don’t want to have any regrets or say things you wouldn’t say sober just because the stress of the holidays led you to having too many glasses of wine. And when you’re feeling anxious, just go take a breather.
“Breaks can be a great way to reset and let off some steam,” Elkin says. “Go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Take a jog to get your blood pumping. Meditate or do some yoga. If you start to feel yourself getting stressed, it's okay to hit pause and reboot with some self care and relaxation. Just be sure to let others know that you’re coming back so they don’t misinterpret your absence or worry you got stuck in a chimney.”
While I’m glad this woman seems to have had a great holiday away from her family members, I can’t help but feel like with some improved communication and empathy, she could have reached an arrangement with her loved ones where they all could have celebrated together. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation down below, pandas, as well as how you decided to spend this holiday season. I hope you all had/are having a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever else you choose to celebrate, and if you’re looking for another article highlighting family drama around the holidays, you can find that right here!
However, others believed that everyone involved should have conducted themselves differently
Navigating family dynamics during the holidays can often feel as challenging as managing unexpected situations in public spaces.
For insights on setting respectful boundaries and understanding social norms, consider exploring this guide on appropriate public behavior, which highlights the importance of consideration for others in shared environments.
Exhausted by family or in-law drama like this one? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic relatives, parenting styles, and personal boundaries.