I am pretty sure that there is no perfect family. Some of them may look ideal, as if they never have fights, everybody is welcome and loved, but we will never know what’s the reality behind closed doors. And we don’t really even need to know - unless it’s shared to get an opinion about some situation.
For example, this Reddit user shared his story online, seeking folks’ perspective after learning that his adoptive son would not be welcomed by his mom and deciding to just skip his dad’s retirement party.
More info: Reddit
It’s nothing extraordinary to wish for your kids, whether biological or not, to be accepted and treated equally by the whole family
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
Man shares that he has two kids with his wife - one is his biologically while the other is her son
Image credits: Liam Anderson (not the actual photo)
He also added that his ex-wife is his parents' favorite person and despite the divorce, she is still invited to family gatherings
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Now, his dad has retired from his job and mom was throwing a big party for him - however, when mom invited the man, she insisted that he not bring his stepson
Image credits: u/Unlucky_Education109
After figuring out that all the other nieces and nephews were coming and even his daughter was invited, he refused to attend, which caused quite the family drama
Recently, one Reddit user shared his story online seeking to hear community members’ opinions on whether he was being a jerk for skipping his dad’s retirement party because his mom asked him not to bring his non-biological son. The post received a lot of attention, collecting over 11K upvotes and almost 800 comments.
The original poster (OP) starts his story by explaining that he met his current wife when she was a student in a trades program that he used to teach at. Years later, she got a foreman position and came to thank him for his help, which led to coffee, a few lunches, dinner and then marriage. OP added that they have two children - one is their daughter and another is her son.
Now, the man noted that despite his second wife being amazing, the OP's parents are still very fond of his former one and she is actually one of their favorite people. And despite their divorce, she is still invited to most of their family events. So, about that - his dad retired from his job and mom had a big party for him. She invited the OP as well, but asked him to not bring his son. Well, after learning that all of his nieces, nephews and even his daughter were invited, he had already made his decision.
OP emphasized that if his kid is not welcome, he is not going to go. He took his family to LEGOLAND instead and had a wonderful time. Obviously, mom was furious that they missed the party; however, the man explained to everyone beforehand the reason he was not going to go. In the end, everyone ended up being mad at his mom for excluding OP’s son and leading to him missing the party.
The community members supported the author, saying he did good by prioritizing his family. “NTA. A parent has a duty to love and protect their children. You fulfilled yours. Her choosing not to fulfill hers isn't your fault,” one user wrote. “NTA. You sound like a really great guy with his priorities straight. Don't let your mother drag you down,” another added.
Image credits: Mike Dias (not the actual photo)
“Blended families have several issues to overcome: living with a more complicated (and often tighter) family budget, parenting children from other relationships, and additional sets of in-laws,” shared Luis Maimoni, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in relationships of all kinds, in an interview with Bored Panda.
Maimoni added that to OP’s credit, he has made the strongest possible commitment to the child from the previous relationship: affirming his role as father by adopting his wife’s child. “However, his mother acts with clear bias and preference for his other siblings and their biological offspring.” The expert pointed out that boundaries are obviously needed, but where, exactly, to set the boundaries isn’t clear. Who does “the family” consist of?
He emphasized that managing a family with a loving spouse is difficult enough. “While it can be good to get advice, bringing in the ‘peanut gallery’ (e.g., friends, exes, children of exes, former in-laws) to support decision making blurs boundaries, creates confusion, and muddles priorities.”
Now, speaking about mom’s behavior - Maimoni shared that her favoritism, coupled with her manipulative and passive-aggressive behaviors, has clearly impacted the family in a negative way. “The poster’s adoption of his son changed nothing. The impact of a mother's favoritism has a greater impact on the poster than on his son.”
The expert explained that because self-esteem is largely set during early childhood, the adopted son’s self-esteem was, for the most part, established before his mother met the poster. “Even so, being caught in intra-family crossfire may lead to anxiety, irritability, and possibly worse,” he added. “The potential impact of the poster's mother’s negativity is an excellent reason to continue the boundaries with mother.”
To sum up, Maimoni noted that the son is right to set a boundary with his toxic mother, focusing on keeping his new family healthy and whole. “Separately, he seems to have good relationships with other members of his family. Having better boundaries with his mother will make navigating the rest of his relationships more straightforward.”
Finally, the licensed family therapist shared that the poster exudes bitterness and resentment towards his mother. “His boundary setting is helpful, but he may also wish to keep lines of communication open.”
And what do you guys think about this situation? Was the author right to skip the party? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors backed up the man, saying he is a great parent
