If anyone in the world should be expected to love and accept you as you are, it’s your parents. They might have expectations, but they should never put any pressure on you or make you feel guilty about the choices you’ve made. Especially when you just want to celebrate the holidays in peace!
Unfortunately for one woman, her mom decided to make it clear how she feels about her relationship status and lifestyle right before Thanksgiving. Below, you’ll find the full story detailing why this woman is now considering skipping her family’s gathering altogether, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.
This woman is the only one in her family who doesn't have a spouse or children
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
And right before Thanksgiving, her mother decided to shame her for her choices
Image credits: howcanibequiltyasin
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: howcanibequiltyasin
Later, the author responded to several readers and shared more details about her situation
Image credits: Airam Dato-on / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It's extremely common for family arguments to erupt during the holidays
For Americans, Thanksgiving is a very special day. It’s only a month before Christmas, so it’s the perfect start to the holiday season. The day is all about spending time with loved ones, practicing gratitude, devouring delicious food, and getting some much-needed rest. But unfortunately, the day doesn’t always go seamlessly.
Thanksgiving is also notorious for being a day full of arguments, tension between relatives and regression. According to one survey, 40% of Americans deal with “open disagreements” during the holidays. When it comes to the most common issues to fight about, politics, family dynamics and past grievances, relationships, and finances all have the possibility to spark heated arguments.
The entire family comes together on this holiday, so it’s extremely common for the younger generation to have different political views than their parents, aunts and uncles, and/or grandparents. And of course, issues from the past don’t magically melt away just because it’s a holiday. In fact, exhaustion from traveling mixed with alcohol might even exacerbate these issues.
Apparently, it’s common for arguments to erupt about relationships, which means the author of this story is far from the first person to be in her shoes. And finances are always a sensitive topic, so it’s definitely best to avoid discussing them on Thanksgiving.
A survey from the Pew Research Center found that 27% of unmarried young adults feel pressure from their parents to tie the knot. And one third of young adults who don’t have kids feel pressure from their parents to give them grandchildren. But the best way to get your children to do something has never been by pestering them.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Putting pressure on kids to get married or start a family only pushes them away
While many people have dealt with their parents nagging them to start a family, not everyone knows the best way to combat this pressure. So Registered Psychotherapist Stephanie Woo Dearden has some advice. First, she notes that you’re not responsible for your parents’ anxiety. Just because they’re freaking out about not having grandchildren yet doesn’t mean that you have to worry alongside them.
It’s also a good idea to set firm boundaries in your conversations. If they constantly try to bring up kids or marriage, gently let them know that you’re not interested in discussing those things. And if they fail to respect your wishes, don’t be afraid to end the conversation and get some space.
If you happen to feel angry at your parents for the pressure they’re putting on you, let yourself feel that. Acknowledge your frustration; don’t try to bury it. There’s nothing wrong with being mad, it’s simply an emotion like any other. Reflect on where it’s coming from and why exactly you feel that way.
Finally, Dearden says that it’s important to celebrate the fact that you haven’t given into pressure to get married or have kids just because it’s what was expected of you. If you know that your life is happier without those things, at least for the moment, then you should be proud of the fact that you’ve honored your own desires. Not everyone can say the same.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Would you skip Thanksgiving if you were in this woman’s shoes? Feel free to weigh in, and then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama right here.
Many readers were appalled by the mom's behavior and assured the author that she was not overreacting
However, some readers thought that the mom had a point
