Probably most married couples will agree that marriage requires quite a lot of work from both partners. But many people tend to forget it or not even put in the work - looking at the statistics, the probability of a first marriage ending in divorce within the first 10 years is approximately 33%. And while there may be various reasons, being cheated on is probably one of the most heartbreaking ones.
A Reddit user recently shared her personal story about how, after her husband confessed to cheating on her with his coworker, she lost it and slapped him.
More info: Reddit
Finding out that your significant other has been cheating on you is never easy news to take, thus everybody may react differently
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that one day, she came back home and noticed that her husband had made dinner and cleaned the dishes, which almost never happens
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
She jokingly asked if something was up and surprisingly, he hesitated, but confessed that he had been cheating on her with a coworker for a few months
Image credits: im_im06
She slapped him and kicked him out of the house, but her husband’s mom keeps calling her telling her to talk things out with her son and scolding her for slapping him
Recently, one Reddit user shared her story online asking community members for their opinions on whether she was in the wrong for slapping her husband after he confessed to cheating on her for a few months. The post caught a lot of folks’ attention and got over 13K upvotes and 7.4K comments.
The original poster (OP) started her story by telling that one day, after coming back home and noticing that her husband had made dinner and cleaned dishes, she jokingly asked if something was up as this was rare behavior for him. Well, to her surprise, he confessed to cheating on her with his coworker for a few months and added that his lover might be even pregnant.
OP emphasized that she lost it and slapped him and kicked him out of the house. She also added that her mother-in-law has been calling her non-stop telling her to talk to her son and how wrong it was of her to slap her son. “This whole situation just feels surreal to me,” OP explained.
Community members backed up the woman and suggested a few solutions: “You need to get yourself tested and then get yourself a divorce lawyer. I would probably respond to the mother-in-law and ask her if she's proud of the ‘man’ that she raised, then block her,” one user wrote. “Someone else pointed out that muting notifications might be better. Gather divorce evidence,” another added.
“When it comes to infidelity, the impact on a relationship can be nothing short of devastating. It's like a wrecking ball that comes crashing through, shattering the trust and commitment that once formed the very foundation of the partnership,” shared Kathy McMahon, the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. with Bored Panda.
“Suddenly, the hurt partner is left reeling, grappling with intense feelings of betrayal, anger, and resentment. It's no wonder that communication often breaks down in the aftermath of an affair,” she said. “The hurt partner may find it incredibly difficult to express their emotions in a constructive way, while the involved partner might get defensive or try to downplay the significance of their actions.”
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
McMahon also pointed out that intimacy, both emotional and physical, can also take a serious hit. “In this case, the potential pregnancy intensifies this reaction. For the hurt partner, the trust and emotional safety that's necessary for vulnerability and closeness has been shattered. They may start to question their own desirability and self-worth, leading to a decrease in self-esteem and a reluctance to engage in intimate activities.”
The involved partner may be grappling with their own feelings of guilt and shame, and can withdraw, which can further contribute to the erosion of intimacy. “It's like the betrayal has created this huge rift in their bond, and the couple may struggle to find their way back to each other emotionally and physically. It's hard to do it without help.”
She also continued that it’s important to not forget about overall relationship satisfaction – infidelity can be a real joy-killer. “The hurt partner may feel disillusioned and disappointed, questioning the authenticity of the entire relationship.”
Moreover, McMahon shared that while reports vary, in one review, 53% of couples experiencing infidelity were divorced within 5 years. “Another found that 44% were still together after 18 months. Couples therapists are a bit more hopeful. Janis Abrahms Spring reported that 50-60% of couples in her practice were able to rebuild their relationship.”
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
She noted that Gottman's working effectively with affairs involves three steps: Atone, Atune, Attach. “The ‘Atone’ phase primarily focuses on the partner who engaged in the affair taking responsibility for their actions and the damage caused to the relationship.
“In the subsequent ‘Attune’ phase, both partners work on improving their communication, rebuilding their friendship, and addressing any relationship issues that may have contributed to the affair. This is where both partners take responsibility for their roles in the overall health of the relationship.”
“The ‘Attach’ phase focuses on rebuilding physical and emotional intimacy between the partners and fostering a deeper connection. “For example, there are clear indications on the part of the involved partner that suggests that they aren't likely to succeed in affair recovery. They consist of lack of remorse, blaming the betrayed partner, continuing the affair, defensiveness and anger, withholding information, unwillingness to seek help and minimizing the impact.
“So while the way this woman found out (he did not prepare her, revealed not only the affair but the possible pregnancy), her violent reaction (striking him), and now her partner's mother wanting her to 'talk things out' are a very confusing trio. Was she wrong to hit him? Yes. Was it understandable? Most people would understand her extreme reaction.”
With that being said the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. emphasizes that while the reaction is understandable, you shouldn't cross the line of actually hurting someone. "When someone does any physical violence, like being slapped, it crosses a line that can't be ignored. While in this situation, he is unlikely to press charges, such behavior is a crime for most of the places in the world. This couple is dealing with a lot of issues, but this violence is one of them. No matter how hurt and betrayed she feels, her reaction wasn't acceptable."
And finally, she explained that most people, when asked, believe couples can't recover from an affair. “Most couples therapists believe they can. I think the difference between these two groups is that ‘everyone knowing’ about the affair is often a bad sign. The hurt partner is looking for allies to take sides. Couples therapists see couples where no one knows (except a small select one or two people). We see couples healing, and the ‘audience’ is none the wiser when recovery is complete.”
And what do you guys think about this situation? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors shared their suggestions and offered support to the author
