Vacations are usually fun. They are supposed to be about making memories with family or friends, leaving you with feelings of bliss. But what happens when going on vacation leaves the door open for unsolicited comments from family?
Today's Original Poster (OP) found herself in the same predicament when her mom decided to make it all about one thing— her smile. What should have been a fun time during the family vacation ended in tears as the OP decided she'd had enough.
More info: Reddit
It's one thing to receive an unsolicited comment once, it's another to hear it repeatedly— so sometimes, you just have to leave the picture
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author has struggled with chronic pain for the longest time and doesn't necessarily get along great with her mother
Image credits: Chickens_n_Kittens
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
At a family dinner, she posed for a picture with her husband and kids, but the author's mother began to make comments about her smile being awful
Image credits: Chickens_n_Kittens
Image credits: Askar Abayev / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her mother did not relent on the comments, so the author decided she'd had enough and left the family gathering in angry tears
Image credits: Chickens_n_Kittens
She felt bad for storming off and leaving her husband and kids, so she began to wonder if she was wrong for leaving angrily
The OP set the stage; she was on vacation with her husband, kids, and parents. However, she also provided some context by sharing that she and her mom have a weird dynamic, with her dad noting they are "like oil and water".
They were out for the first family dinner and the OP asked her father to take a picture of her with her husband and kids. As the family posed for the photo, the OP tried her best to smile despite the constant physical pain she has to endure.
But when she thought everything was fine, her mom spoke up, insisting that her smile was “horrible.” Rather than let the moment go, the mom made it worse, demonstrating how the OP's face supposedly looked as if she was pulling her own face into exaggerated expressions.
Her smile wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t as bad as her mom made it seem. The OP's frustration wasn’t just about the photo, though. It was the accumulation of years her mom had spent downplaying her pain.
It isn't small pain. It's pain that has taken her career and energy. Yet her mom has constantly minimized the seriousness of the illness, acting as if it was no worse than a mild headache.
After being criticized about her smile, she decided she didn't want to be in the pictures anymore; however, that wasn't the end. The OP's mom followed her, justifying herself and insisting that her smile had indeed been awful.
The OP couldn’t take it anymore. She decided she was done with dinner as well and told her husband and kids that she was leaving before retreating to her room in tears. She felt guilty for ruining the family dinner, but after everything—her pain, her mom’s constant undermining—she was emotionally drained.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Emotional abuse can be often difficult to recognize, especially when it comes to parents with their kids. However, Parenting For Brain just might declare the OP's mother's actions emotional abuse.
According to them, emotional abuse by parents includes harmful behaviors like verbal abuse, shaming, belittling and ridiculing (or public humiliation), often leading to lasting emotional and physical effects.
This abuse can typically result in "low self-esteem, emotional instability, withdrawal, pessimism about the future, self-directed anger or self-blame". They go further to state that it can even lead to poor physical health like having irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia or chronic pain.
Could it be mere coincidence that the OP seems to have battled chronic pain for the most part of her life, then? Given her mother’s dismissive attitude towards her and her condition, it's not far-fetched.
According to Augusta Pain Center, chronic pain is not only physically debilitating but also severely impacts mental health, contributing to conditions like depression. Based on research by the National Health Institute, "people with chronic pain are three times more likely to develop depression".
Fortunately, there are treatments that are proven to be effective. Therapies including medication can change the brain structures that could have been physically impacted by chronic pain.
Netizens rallied around the OP, affirming that she did nothing wrong by walking away. Rather, they described her mother as “needy and narcissistic”, stating that her actions were harmful and uncalled for.
Many also advised her to set boundaries and prioritize her well-being, recommending that she distance herself from her mother and avoid joint vacations in the future as it would be better for her mental health.
How would you have reacted in this situation? Do you think the OP should have walked away or let it slide? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens labeled the author's mother's behavior as toxic and urged the author to establish boundaries for her own well-being
